A Rant.. My Bloody DP .... AGAIN Grrrrrrrr

[MyDPIsAPainInTheArse]

Ok i have namechanged for this one
Rant snarl thoughts about murder

This is going to sound really pathetic hence the namechange but bear with me please.

This morning i woke up after having a weird dream about a snake (burmese python, i know cos i used to have one when i was with ExP) i picked it up and put it in a carrier bag (odd) took it home, and it broke into the cage outside and ate my son's ferret (i love this ferret)

I woke up assuming weird dream is to do with me being stressed, and mostly stressed about ExP's recently reinstated contact with DS1. He used to be violent.

So i thought nothing of it, obv you have odd dreams when you are stressed, well i do.

Anyway. DP is working on a site not far from me, and phoned to say he had forgotten something. I drove there to take it to him. He then asked what i was dreaming about last night. So, bemused, and assuming i had said 'don't eat my ferret' or something, i told him.
He said then that i had said "Oh thats a big one, can i play with it as well?"
Then asked me who i was dreaming about in a v accusatory way

I have just had a baby and have been bleeding like billyo since i have NEVER thought about cheating on my DP despite the fact that he has on me, and i have forgiven him.
Its something i would just never do. Ok you can't control a dream, but IMO i would prolly have been dreaming about my DP in that case, i find him very attractive, and i admit i have been feeling very... shall we say frustrated.. can not WAIT till the sodding bleeding stops so i can jump him lol sorry TMI

BUT he has really pissed me off. So as well as this he also told me my breath stank of fags (i am a smoker, he is an ex smoker) then went in the back of the car and said to our DS 6 weeks old.. "Hello son, i'm your daddy. The first one."

Grrrrrrrrr
So then when i left he went to give me a kiss and not wanting to subject him to my ashtray gob i sort of gave him the corner of my mouth/side of my cheek to kiss.
He then chucked a wobbly.

So i got back home, and phoned him to ask, why he is always so fucking nasty (there are other things than this) and he flipped out at me asking who i am shagging so i responded by i promised never to do this ..... throwing at him that the reason he gave up smoking was so he could go and meet this woman WHILE I WAS PG and she didn't like smoking so he had given up, told him it was like he was rubbing my nose in his affair every time he crowed about giving up, and that i was pissed off.

He hung up the phone on me after saying 'whatever'.
I'm just so frikken pissed

I seriously want to strangle him.
Over a bloody dream ffs. And just to top it off i must say the only time i HAVE dreamed about sex with anyone it has always been with him cos despite him being a twat of the highest order sometimes, i do love him and find him very attractive

Sorry this has been long.. and daft. Thanks
Rant Over

Well i have been to collect the car, drop off the curtesy one, been shopping, and come back and started on Hs & l with this filler stuff for crappy walls.
I haven't given DP a single thought today. Ok, maybe one when i got home at lunchtime and had about 50 missed calls off him lol
Probably to check how his car is doing and that i haven't done owt naughty to it.

Oh yeah and its lovely to have the bed all to myself and DS

Got to find SOME positives eh

if you own / have the tenancy of the house / flat and you dont want him just letting himself back in you should change the locks / at least get a strong bolt fitted so he cant just appear in the middle of the night.....

glad you are feeling stronger / happier sa.

very well done, stay strong. you have taken the biggest step now, you need to stay strong to keep him out of your life.

remind yourself, when he is being all lovely and attentive and begging for another chance, of all the awful things that you have endured, and that have shocked and saddened everyone on this thread

I just came to this thread and I have to say how brave I think you are. I really hope you stay away from this man and am sending you and your kids huge hugs to feel better!!!

Oh he just appeared last time in the middle of the night.. looking very sorry for himself.. and being totally nice.. not frightened of him flower tbh its just the thought of letting him off lightly as usual.
I'm ok cos i haven't spoken to him today and just kept busy.
I can't believe how happy i feel. I know he is probably shocked that i let go. Tuff. Now he can find out how it feels.. BIL says he is at work and moping about saying he misses me and the baby.. and has sent BIL a copy of the email to read. Obviously he thinks he has a case but BIL won't sit there petting him and saying 'now now there there' so he's in for a shock.
SIL says no room at hers so he's on the two seater sofa lol.
Shame.
Anyway better go..DS2 is pulling 'waking up faces'

let us know how you are won't you?

Me? Can't not tell you all lol its basically this thread that made me decide..well, not to stop him as i usually do at least thats a start

Will definately update as i'm sure it will help me stick to it as well

Thank you all so much for putting up with me lol xx

Sorry I've missed so much! Well done for doing what you know you need to do, Stercus. Do come here for support to help you stick to it. We will all keep checking for you.

I still think that you should consider the possibility of more counselling to resolve the issues of your past. Only when you are ready of course.

Quick question, not trying to 'out' anyone here but do you usually post under a gemstone related name SA?

I hope so, because otherwise there are two total bastards out there terrorising their partners and children.

Would like to add well done for staying strong but to be honest (and not trying to be harsh) I think from your posts you're just making him wait until you feel he has done enough 'penance' and then will let him straight back in again.

I hope you prove me wrong for your children's sake.

Hi he's done it again no its me you aren't outing me lol i fancied a namechange most people know its me

I have re read my posts and see what you mean but no.. have really had enough this time tbh.. i have never felt so exhausted and now feel so much better and i only pottered around today.. he will have to come round to pick his stuff up and his car but not before i'm ready this time.

There's no need for this to be nasty unless thats the way he wants it so i am just trying to keep it level atm

good girl (patronising but not meant to be!)

xx

If i'm truthful it would be wrong of me to say i have decided this is the END end but i have to show him at the very least that he has pushed me over the edge.
I have told BIL to tell him to stay away while i get my head round things.

I haven't just had enough. I have had enough-nuff and if he ever reads this he will know that means he's fucked me off big time because he says that when he calls time on something.

He knows my name on here anyway. Whats he going to do? Register on here and call me a liar?
He has never been able to do that. He knows i don't lie or cheat IMO he says things like that because he IS one and guilt does funny things to people.
He was on FB earlier and has apparently put loads of photo's on of DS but i haven't looked.

Too little too late if you're reading this dickhead my sweet. Too little. Far too late.
Was not thinking about the baby when you were driving over to wales was you. Or leaving me stranded at work 6 months pg and no way of getting the 35 miles home after you engineered that argument so you could dump me. And when you asked me to bring your clothes to work i bet you were laughing your socks off thinking i was so daft that i brought them...and when every one of the lads at work said i should have brought them after shredding them up...well now i am laughing ok. I may be 'nothing without you' i may be 'stupid', i may have 'no money and no car'.
But for the first time in two years i feel alive. Not crying, wondering why you argued with me, not cuddling one of your shirts and sobbing until morning.
Nope.

Oh yeah.
I have DS as well and my boys are the only men i need in my life.

So you see i really have had E-nuff-nuff

AND BIL read the email too.. he was of the same opinion as you guys .. those things are things NORMAL men do and it was the least i deserved. I bet DP goes for a whinge at BIL as they're twins and share everything except BIL is the good twin hehe...and i bet BIL gives it to him straight too.

Stick at it pet, you will only feel better without this pathetic excuse for a man dragging you down...you need to really mean it though - if you don't these guys have a sixth sense about that kind of thing, believe me!
There is no point if you are just trying to give him a jolt - he doesn't have empathy - he doesn't have a conscience, otherwise he could never have behaved so sepicably towards you. He's doing it because he thinks you will accept it from him because your self esteem is so low. Prove him WRONG and stand up for yourself - you have every right to a peaceful and happy life, and you will not ever have that with this disturbed individual.

despicably, rather!

Hi Stercus, your posts have made compelling, uncomfortable, heartbreaking, incredibly moving reading. I hope that you are starting to realise that your 'd' p knows that you are 1000 times too good for him, and it's the one thing that he is right about - that's why he keeps treating you like shit - he looks like shit next to you. life really doesn't need to be this hard. please use your evident emotional intelligence to look after yourself for a while instead of this fuckwit.
xxxx

Thanks
Maybe if i feel like having him back i could always read one of the emails that psycho cow sent me lol
Last post for today, DS is gurgling away in bed bless him.. and is getting quieter..he has cried like..ONCE today and that was cos he had poo'd
TMI i know but it shows he is more relaxed because i am
Now i can really enjoy my baby

Well today BIL asked me to look on DP's FB page.

Gone are the things i didn't like (are you interested? Would you date ***...Relationship status now says 'in a relationship') but i haven't signed in to msn to accept the email which says with me lol

I commented on changed status.. In a relationship? Who with? Yourself?" lol

Oh and photo's of baby DS with comments and captions
Such as:

i would like you all to meet my new son (name) born on the 16 january 2009 thank you nicki how is a great mom to him ,and just to let you all know that i was so happy

I would like to say i hate him and he has pissed me off...how do they know how to get to you?
Don't know whether to delete comment i made now so i can stay on my little bit of moral high ground lol

BIL says DP is looking very lost. And when BIL made the comment "You always say you don't care and you can do better anyway" Dp's reply was "Nicki would make ten of any woman i could ever be with"
And CRIED

DP does not know that me and BIL are talking. What do i do now?

You ignore it and keep busy. Of course he's feeling sorry for HIMSELF.

Who else is going to put up with his crap just now? They are tears of self pity because he has lost his supply of someone to make himself feel good by kicking and sucking the generosity and lifeblood from.

This does NOT represent his transformation into a decent human being.

The facebook stuff is a) damage limitation so he can say to others "what a nice guy I am, she must be a crazy bitch t dump me. How old is the baby? Six weeks? And he's introducing him now? Arse....and b) manipulative heartstring pulling for you: he knows how to push yor soft emotional buttons, and at this point nicey nicey is more effective than bullying and aggression for him to keep you exactly where he wants you. Under control.

Deregister from Facebook TODAY (you can reopen your account when we tell you to, lol), and back off from BIL for a while too now. You need distraction.

Is that bloody hall, stairs and landing finished yet? Chop chop!

Thanks.. actually i was getting on with HS&L filling holes where it looks like someone put lining paper over a wall having stood people in front of it and shot them lol.

I know why he's doing it and i know the thing about DS being nearly 8 weeks old.. but in defence i know we BOTH have only just uploaded the photo's lol

I know his game. Have told BIL i will see how long it lasts because i refuse to bow down to emotional pressure after one day like i usually do from someone who has been treating me like shit for two years.

I hope he relays it lol i told him to tell DP i have spoken to him so nothing is being hidden.
Methinks all this is because DP is missing his xbox

Stercus, don't fall for it! a little bit of facebook updating isn't nearly enough effort....he should be writing to you via the royal mail with a full and frank admission of every thing that he's done wrong during your relationship.

followed up with a commitment to attend counselling together and a plan to erect a gold statue of you in trafalgar square. nothing less will do.

how are your dss reacting to the change sa? how does your ds1 feel about him not being in the house?

Hi
DS1 misses him But is happy he has the xbox. lol.
He did say he hopes we sort things out as he wanted to be a proper family or have DS2 have a proper dad but i have explained that this can still happen even if we don't live together.
Also pointed out how much happier and settled we all are and he agreed, but stated he still misses DP because 'He's funny when he goes in a mood and you go in the kitchen and stick your fingers up at him'

Apparently DP is like the ape off king kong where it pushes the girl over and she shouts at him and he goes into a fit of chest banging and mucho noise.. according to DS lol... he did also say (bless) that even though DP shouts he 'can ignore it because he knows he won't hurt me'

I have told him it still doesn't make shouting right..and said i don't shout at DP so he shouldn't shout at me.

I'm not going to fall for him and his FB updates anyway like i told BIL he should have done it a long time ago, not as a kneejerk reaction to being dumped, and to tell DP that too.. he didn't bloody care before ffs.

Quietly though i have to admit it was kind of nice to read.
Or would have been if i didn't know it was only for everyone elses benefit