Being a "high end" sex worker and what it means/involves

[OFFS]

I have another thread going, in which dittany has suggested that I am a male fantasist, and therefore a liar. She says this because I have said that I am a prostitute, and generally enjoy my work, though it is not without problems. I have started this thread so that those of you who have questions about "high end" (SBG's phrase, not mine) prostitutes can ask me, directly, any questions you might have.

Please note that I am not a street-worker, I do not work in a brothel, and I have no pimp. My clients approach me via email - I do not hang out in hotel bars, and I require at least 24 hours notice of an appointment. I have no knowledge or personal experience of these other aspects of sex work.

I choose which clients I see, and can walk out at any time. I am not trafficked or abused, and have never had a violent client in eight years. I pay my taxes like any other self-employed businesswoman. I do not have any addiction to any illegal drugs, and I always use condoms with my clients. I have regular check-ups at my local GUM. While I have no direct knowledge of parlour/sauna/brothel work, I do have trusted prostitute friends with that experience, and I will do my best to furnish the information you require.

Please also note that I am not qualified or experienced enough to discuss women who are trafficked, abused, drug-addicted or so forth. I can, and am willing, to discuss my own life - I am not responsible for others.

So prostitution (and therefore all it entails like child abuse, rape, coercion, violence, degradation, slavery and human trafficking, etc) is somehow alright because some consider the other options available to women to be shitty too?

Comparing being forced to have sex with numerous strangers every day, day in day out with being married is very very odd.

What a sad, depressing and defeatist argument Solidgoldbrass.

Why is it that so many prostitutes take drugs in order to help cope with their situation if it is practically the same thing as being married?

Why do 90% of prostitutes in official studies say that they would like to leave prostitution if it is so hunky dory?

It is possible for a WG to achieve pride and job satisfaction. Some see themselves as therapists/counsellors/sex educators. (These are things I have been told by sex workers who are known to me personally BTW). Some people see sex (particularly the specialised, BDSM type) as an art form/entertainment and enjoy experiencing the work of an expert (though BDSM-specialising sex workers are in a different category I will concede).

Eating a meal is pleasurable: is it morally superior to eat your meals at home rather than in an expensive restaurant, given that the expensive restaurant trade depends on slave labour and exploitation at some levels?

Beachcomber: you have misunderstood my argument, or I haven;t made it clear. People say that prostitution is all bad because of the horrible experiences suffered by many involved in it ie that anyone who claims to be involved in sex work of her own free will and not hating it is mad or lying or wicked; yet despite the appallingly high levels of abuse, misery and domestic violence prevalent in marriage/couple relatinships, people still think everyone should engage in them.

I totally understand your argument and it is one I have heard before. I just happen to totally disagree with it.

I think sensible thinking people would argue that the vast majority of prostitution is bad because research shows that the vast majority of prostitutes are damaged exploited people who suffer from huge amounts of stress, high levels of addiction and a lot of emotional damage. Research shows that most women would rather not be prostitutes. Research shows that pimps are ruthless and violent in their exploitation of vulnerable and damaged people in order to make money from them. Research shows that johns will generally be able to buy whatever they like provided the price is right including a child prostitute.

I guess there must be some prostitutes who are there through genuine free will but they are irrelevant when discussing the plight of the overwhelming majority and when examining the grim reality of their situation.

Arguing that because women are abused in domestic situations makes it ok for them to be abused by people who buy and sell their bodies in the context of prostitution strikes me as a little bit scary.

The restaurant staff are not eating the meal though are they? Sex should be about mutual pleasure not one being servicing another so the comparison is not valid.

Oh and what about the children? And the abortions?

Prostitutes have children often fathered by a john, often fathered by a pimp. Are we to compare the opportunities for stability, love and happiness of these children to those born to a couple who have chosen to be together and found a family?

Poor little souls. I once read some research into what happens to such children but I didn't get very far because it made for very difficult reading.

Does the plight of children who come from abusive families and marriages justify the plight of children born from prostitution? Or is the situation of both just plain unacceptable in a modern liberated equal society just as the plight of prostitutes and victims of domestic abuse is?

I'm sorry but i absolutely cant understand why you would want to fight for the rights of the minority (the girls who enjoy it) at the cost of the vast majorities mental health? surely the girls who are working who enjoy it could get the same pleasure from going to sex parties?

I wish i could stop the lot of it, i dont think i ever in my whole time as a WG (over a year) met a girl who wanted to be there, i worked in all sorts of parlours, from seedy back street parlours to lovely 'gentlemans clubs' where we used to walk around serving drinks in little more than our underwear, where the 'gentlemen' () used to be able to touch you when you want and then take you to a room when they desire.

If having thousands of girls spared the nightmares, flashbacks, depression, anxieties at the expense of the very, very few that apparently (you only have their word, IMO it is a front) enjoy it then i am all for it.

Why has the OP not come back?

used to be able to touch you when they want

SGB Why cant you see through this front your WG friends put on, i very much doubt that they like it and put on this brave face. I spend quite alot of time as a WG trying to convince people that i did my job because i liked it.

Punters used to ask me why i did my job, i wasn't going to say "because its the only way i know that i can make money" i used to tell them becuase i love having sex and thought what better job is there than one you get paid for it?

Of course i was lying! like your friends probably are.

Me and the 'friend' i had who got me into the industry used to try and glamourise it, not to get others involved, because i wouldn't have even wanted to push anyone into such a nasty fate, but because we didn't want people to think that we were seedy or sordid, so we used to flash the cash, by the drinks, and people used to be intrigued, we used to paint an idealistic view of our job because we were ashamed and didnt want people to know.

Of course when we had a bad patch and the money wasnt coming in, these 'friends' were nowhere to be seen.

OFFS is probablt doing the same thing, putting up a front, maybe even trying to change peoples views so that being a WG becomes acceptable so society accepts them more.

OFFS i wish there was something i could do to get you out of the industry because even if you are in denial now, it will hit you one day and you will feel shit.

I was very angry with you before for starting this thread 'glamourising' prostitution, but i actually now feel very sad for you, because i have realised you are doing exactly what i was doing at the time.

I hope you will be able to avoid the depression i have gone through, along with trust issues, the lot. And i don't see the point in laying into you anymore, i wish you the best and hope you will be able to sort yourself out when you are ready.

But i will ask you, please dont carry on glamourising it to those that are vunerable, for all we know someone could have read this thread at the start, looked on the web and could now be selling themselves, and even though you say you enjoy your job, i very much doubt that they will.

Sorry for this being so long, and its probably complete drivel, ive just been typing as ive been thinking.

SGB, I wonder if it has occurred to you that the very existence of "sex workers", whether the "happy hooker" variety or the rest, helps to foster the notion - among those whose agenda it suits - of marriage as being about women being "owned" by their husbands?

BTW, I have not, and would not, condemn the OP for doing what she does.

I just think she is deluding herself that all is hunky dory in her world, in her marriage. I'm basing this on things she has said in this thread and the other one about her situation, not just on my preconceptions about prostitution.

"many people at parties will ask "what do you do?" to get the conversation going but nobody is going to ask "are you pierced?"."

Err... so what?

Frequency of being asked about some part of your life has nothing to do with it. The point was that people might not want to talk about parts of their lives/identity/hobbies etc because they know others are all judgy about it, not because they are ashamed of it.

Example: Having a great time partying on recreational chemicals. I've done it, it was great, I'm not ashamed of it at all, but I have not and will not go around telling people about it because they tend to get all judgy and it's not worth the hassle.

Point I am trying to make: People don't necessarily divulge all aspects of their lives. Not because they are ashamed of those things, but quite possibly because they don't care to confront everyone's reaction.

I don't understand why you are so hung up on "Oh but it's her job!"

Yes, but a job is just one facet of a person, sometimes less important than others.

Just as you can keep other sides of your life a secret, you can also keep your means of earning money a secret.

What seems to be the insurmountable paradox here?

Especially if you work in parlours, because if you were to work more than a day or two in the same parlour you are not as desireable as if you are only there on certain days, by working at different parlours over the country on set days you are able to build up a good cliet bass yet still be desirable, the long hours usually go on until the small hours and often over night, so i find it really hard to believe that anyone doing this would be able to appear to be doing a regular job.

It does make me cringe when i look back, because when i didnt want people to know i had sex for money i used to tell them i was an escort but i didnt have sex, how stupid i was to think that people would believe me.

Even now, so many things remind me of what i used to do, a certain air freshener one of the parlours used to use, songs they used to have on repeat, whenever i see a louis vitton (sp?) bag, you can often spot the working gilrs at the train station, pulling along their LV suitcases, probably loaded with different underwear, outfits and toys. It always make me sad too, because i remember what it was like to sit waiting for the train knowing where i was going.

I've just read the whole thread. (Yes, it took time ) The OP said she was retiring the nic after 24 hours, and that was, um, a while ago now, so you're unlikely to get answers to your questions now. Interesting thread, though.

Dittany: everyone who works in any kind of customer service capacity has to act like they are pleased to serve the customers.

But ultimately, the best way to ensure that women don't enter the sex industry against their will is not to stigmatize sex workers and clients, but to address the economic equality of men and women in general (don't recent figures show that the gender pay gap in the UK is the worst in Europe?)

I agree with Dittany that the Nordic models are to be emulated. They work. They reduce prostitution, stigmatise those who think it is ok to buy the right to sexually abuse another person and deter those who exploit others through sexual slavery in order to make money from them.

Decriminalising prostitution, say as Holland has done, does not work as it leads to an increase in both legal and illegal prostitution whilst normalising and condoning the act of buying another human being. Research shows that it leads to an increase in trafficking and in child prostitution. This appears to be a situation where the saying 'give them an arm and they take a leg' applies. In areas where prostitution is tolerated there is an increase in 'sex tourism' [puke emoticon needed badly here].

Research shows that the best way to stop people being becoming sex workers (ghastly euphemism) is to remove demand (and the idea that one has a right to paid for sex plus the idea that it is ok to pay for sex regardless of the circumstances of the prostitute) for paid for sex whilst offering vulnerable and poverty stricken women better choices.

Quite simply if you look at countries where prostitution is well tolerated by society and women are oppressed, rates are very high. If you look at countries where paying someone for sex is unacceptable and women are helped out of poverty traps, rates drop dramticaly.

So all this bullshit about the oldest profession/happy hookers/easy money/empowerment/freedom of choice, etc is just that - bullshit.

I'm always amazed that when the subject of prostitution comes up there is so little discussion of the root cause. The root cause is not that women want to sell their bodies to make a quick buck but that men want to buy their bodies because they think they have the right to a quick fuck (plus anything else that takes their fancy).

There is a lot of interesting stuff on this site for those interested in the reality of prostitution as presented by CanYouSeeWhyINamechanged.

this link is about why legalising prostitution is a naive and badly thought out idea.

There is a lot of very interesting if sobering stuff to read on the rest of the site.

'Punters should be stigmatised'

I would have every man caught soliciting splashed over the front page of the local newspaper-I think we would then find that it was something to be ashamed of. I wonder how many would be proud of their behavour?
I think that sex workers keep it quiet because they know that people who are quick to judge would either feel sorry for them if it due to circumstances or look down on them if they tried to make it appear glamorous.
I think that it is something to be ashamed of-as I said earlier 'the world's earliest oppression'. I thought you had a good post, Beachcomber

I just wanted to say thanks to Dittany. I agree with every word she's written on this thread. Bravo. Keep going, many of us feminists are cheering you from the sidelines.

i'll go further and agree with you from the frontline dittany.....