Being a "high end" sex worker and what it means/involves

[OFFS]

I have another thread going, in which dittany has suggested that I am a male fantasist, and therefore a liar. She says this because I have said that I am a prostitute, and generally enjoy my work, though it is not without problems. I have started this thread so that those of you who have questions about "high end" (SBG's phrase, not mine) prostitutes can ask me, directly, any questions you might have.

Please note that I am not a street-worker, I do not work in a brothel, and I have no pimp. My clients approach me via email - I do not hang out in hotel bars, and I require at least 24 hours notice of an appointment. I have no knowledge or personal experience of these other aspects of sex work.

I choose which clients I see, and can walk out at any time. I am not trafficked or abused, and have never had a violent client in eight years. I pay my taxes like any other self-employed businesswoman. I do not have any addiction to any illegal drugs, and I always use condoms with my clients. I have regular check-ups at my local GUM. While I have no direct knowledge of parlour/sauna/brothel work, I do have trusted prostitute friends with that experience, and I will do my best to furnish the information you require.

Please also note that I am not qualified or experienced enough to discuss women who are trafficked, abused, drug-addicted or so forth. I can, and am willing, to discuss my own life - I am not responsible for others.

OFFS

Your thread is interesting and apologies for being blunt as I would like to know!

Is there any sexual abuse present in your past?

Condoms are not reliable ( in terms of preventing pregnancy) so therefore there is still certain risks attached re stds inspite of your frequent GUM tests. For example do you require your clients to be tested also?

How comfortable are you with sleeping with married/attached clients? Some of their partners may of course know, but others are deceiving their OHs and you are party to this. Do you not consider their feelings? It seems that you would not like your OH to have sex with other people so you can at least empathise with other women who would also not want their partners to do so. Strikes as a little bit hypocritical.......

Does your husband ever show any jealousy or upset over your work?

I ask because I have a friend who was a 'hostess' and although her husband liked the lifestyle they could lead because of her work I once witnessed him completely freaking out because she was going to wear a dress out to a club that hse often wore out when she was with a particular client.

I think it is naive to think that all women who choose to work in the sex industry are somehow being pimped/abused/have low self esteem/are not capable of thinking for themselves. Sex is a powerful thing, and while for some it is of course a case of the man having all the power, for others I have no doubt that it is personally empowering. I think that some women though do not wish to see this, because it is easier to see all women as victims and all men as sex-crazed bastards waiting to abuse them.

I watched a documentary once about a high-end sex worker. She was very open about what she did, she'd become a single parent and saw it as a way to make money to support her daughter. But it wasn't just sex, she said that a lot of people were very mistaken about that, she said that a lot of her clients talked to her about things, about their lives and their problems, and they often said that she helped them on a far deeper level. She wasn't married though, but at the end of the documentary it showed her moving into a massive house she'd bought, and installing a grand piano, something she had dreamed about.

Tbh I can see how it would be easier to do if you were single, I do wonder how someone who is married could have sex with other men and how your dh would genuinely feel about it. I know mine would definitely have issue with it.

I think Dittany's point is that anyone working in the sex industry willingly is fuelling a trade which causes great suffering to a lot of people and is helping to make acceptable the view that women's bodies are there to be bought and sold. I think she's got a point.

And I KNOW you could apply that argument to a lot of things, but we are talking about the sex industry here.

If a sex worker's client is married and decieving his partner, that's the client's problem and moral responsibility, not the sex worker's. She isn't the keeper of his conscience.

The view that womens bodies are there to be sold? Well you could turn that around and say they are ours to sell!

Actaually, Dittany, the women who can't get over their monogamy obsession are just as hard on sex workers as they are on people who have sex with otherwise-committed people without money changing hands. But then they are busy projecting their own issues onto other people.
IN some cases (health problems on the wife's part, libido mismatch) the wife would prefer her husband to pay for sex than to have an affair, as a commercial transaction is easier to shut off from afterwards.

Also, from the point of view of infidelity - men will be unfaithful regardless of if they have to pay. From my point of view, if my partner were to be unfaithful to me - it would hurt, no matter what, and please god he wouldn't do it. But it would hurt less with a prostitute, at least when he told me it was just sex i would believe it - not that it justifies it. Just putting across different view points. It might well be more likely that a prostitute will insist on safe sex, be tested for stds etc. I'd rather my man pay for it than become emotionally involved with another woman - in fact if the choice was him fucking a prostitute or having a romantic/emotional friendship with another woman, id choose the prostitute any day of the week. But id still chuck him out mind!

I struggle how people maintain relationships when one of them is a sex worker, but they DO, and that is their perrogative. I wouldn't be able to handle it, and even if i were pretty enough, my DP wouldnt be able to handle it. But thats just us.

Agree with kerry you are selling a very intimate part of yourself and part of the magic of a good intimate rlationship is probably eroded with time.the 'high end' label is laughable tbh

Well, if this thread was started by OFFS because of another poster
then I say hoorah for that other poster and hoorah for OFFS!

Because I, too, appreciate the opportunity to discuss sex work with a WG
instead of just expressing more-or-less accurate opinions about the industry.

I was going to put some questions to you
(if I may) but will wait for you to address the other posts first.

Why is being so-called high end something to be extra smug about as opposed to someone who solicits on a street corner?

You're both still hookers, however you want to slice it.

loving your work expat that has always baffled me too.

'High End' ROTFL@OP

You shag people for money.

So you're not a starving, toothless crackhead being pimped by some horrific brute. That's nice for you.

You are still catering to the men who think it's OK to buy sex. They might be visiting you this week. Next week it's a 17 yr old eastern European girl with no other options.

Nice.

All this 'Bell du Jour', my-life-is-so-glamourous- shit is just a load of old blarney.

I'm sorry OFFS, but everyone on that thread was very sympathetic and supportive towards you. Even Dittany wasn't very offensive - she said she thought the thread was a 'fantasy' and that's about as offensive as she got.

We took time to give you advice and words of support, yet you took it upon yourself to launch into this defence of sex workers and the sex industry - which really wasn't the main point of that other thread, and you only told another poster, almost in passing, that the main issue had been solved. You didn't have the decency to tell us, who had been very supportive towards you, that.

I feel that you were using that thread to voice your opinions on the sex industry and the creation of this thread just reaffirms that.

I'm glad you are so pleased with your job and your life. You had varying opinions on your original thread, you asked for advice and you received advice. Now I feel you just want to stand on your soapbox and lecture. Fair enough, but next time be truthful about your intentions please.

Dittany: those poor women in Ipswich were not the 'real face of prostitution' any more than the OP is. Their suffering is an aspect of sex work, not the whole story nor everyone's experience, any more than the deaths of those Chinese people in Morecambe Bay are in indictment of the whole catering industry. Bad practice, exploitation and cruelty should be campaigned against whereever they occur.
But people trade sex for various things, including money. People engage in sex to placate a sulky or aggressive partner, to score points over a rival, to get preferment for a job, whatever. Sex has long been a currency for women (it was just that the 'good' women sell it to one man in exchange for a wedding ring): setting an hourly rate is often the better option than going for the one-off indefinite payment.

I wouldn't put much stock in what Dittany says. She has some great advice to give to posters sometimes. Especially on relationship troubles. But her ideas on sex workers and thier clients are dated and very static. She has very strong views that won't be swayed by anyone.

Apparently I am deluded and I hate myself that much that I cannot see that I didn't enjoy my job when I was dancing. I was apparently too disgusted with myself to allow myself to feel my own feelings

If you enjoy your job and want to continue then do so. Don't feel under pressure to have to expain yourself to anyone.

I'd like to ask you some questions when you come back OFFS

OK - so, we have, very shy man, early 30s - can't "get any", finds it hard to form relationships. So, instead of being completely frustrated and lonely, he goes and spends his money on a prostitute - he gets laid, she gets money - for a night, he isn't lonely. Whats wrong with that?

Really? Whats wrong with that?

Even the married man, wife refuses sex for whatever reason, they still love each other and would never split - is it REALLY wrong for him to pay for it - its just an advanced form of masterbation. You could argue that this is better than him finding another relationship.

Guy has some weird sexual quirks, he might like to be whipped, he might like to do the whipping, he might like watersports - not the sort of thing you can really introduce to a one night stand - so, he goes to a prostitute and pays to act out his fantasies - she is a consenting adult, might even be into that sort of thing herself?

Why should we demonise prostitutes, fuck me, i think they provide a service!

No, Kerry, but I have had a chance to chat to them on two occasions
and it has been very illuminating.

It seems that everyone has an opinion about WGs
but very rarely are they given the chance to put their story across.