Being a "high end" sex worker and what it means/involves

[OFFS]

I have another thread going, in which dittany has suggested that I am a male fantasist, and therefore a liar. She says this because I have said that I am a prostitute, and generally enjoy my work, though it is not without problems. I have started this thread so that those of you who have questions about "high end" (SBG's phrase, not mine) prostitutes can ask me, directly, any questions you might have.

Please note that I am not a street-worker, I do not work in a brothel, and I have no pimp. My clients approach me via email - I do not hang out in hotel bars, and I require at least 24 hours notice of an appointment. I have no knowledge or personal experience of these other aspects of sex work.

I choose which clients I see, and can walk out at any time. I am not trafficked or abused, and have never had a violent client in eight years. I pay my taxes like any other self-employed businesswoman. I do not have any addiction to any illegal drugs, and I always use condoms with my clients. I have regular check-ups at my local GUM. While I have no direct knowledge of parlour/sauna/brothel work, I do have trusted prostitute friends with that experience, and I will do my best to furnish the information you require.

Please also note that I am not qualified or experienced enough to discuss women who are trafficked, abused, drug-addicted or so forth. I can, and am willing, to discuss my own life - I am not responsible for others.

I would say the same to my DS, have all the information you can get, charge a high price for a valuable service and don't do it without a lot of thought.
KM: by 'rent boy' do you simply mean male sex worker, or are you referring specifically to young and probably vulnerable men working the streets? If the former, the above applies, if the latter, I would not want any child of mine to be a street sex worker but then I wouldn't want a child of anyone else's to be a street sex worker. No one who isn't desperate and messed up works the streets. It's wretched, dangerous and a very differnt matter from the people earning £150 an hour in relatively safe circumstances.

I dont know why you seem to think that £150 an hour is good pay in the industry its only slightly more than in massage parlours.

We used to do half hour slots, £60 for half an hour including a little bit of a suck and full sex, if they wanted oral without a condom it was £70 for half an hour, anything extra they had to pay for, even south on the girls were £10 extra, some girls did kissing on the mouth for extra too, its really not that hard to make £150 and hour, especially if you do oral without and A levels.

And remember, whatever you make, you still have to pay for the rent of the room. and if the client takes a long time to get dressed, sometimes they accuse you of giving another service and trying to pull the wool over their eyes. and charge you again...

Well the going rate for most of the women I know is £250 an hour. I was picking what I thought of as a midrange figure not to fall below. I was also told that one of the ways to pick a good a good agency was to pick one that charged no more than 30% of the take in return for providing security back up etc.

dittany, piscesmoon et al - re "Why doesn't OP tell the world what she does, if not out of shame?"

Because most people think it is shameful and would judge and ostracise her & her family. Because she doesn't need this hassle and probably realises she can't change this mindset even if she tries. Because it is the path of least resistance to just compartmentalise and keep that part of her life separate from the rest.

I can sympathise because I have done quite a few things that I am not at all ashamed of but kept to myself nonetheless because family and/or friends would react rather horribly and it's just not worth the hassle.

No, I've never been a prostitute but, for example, had a pierced nipple. Never told family & friends, and not because I was ashamed of it. Also thoroughly enjoyed several years of intense party life laden with a number of drugs. Never told family & friends, either, and no, I am not at all 'ashamed'.

'Charge a high price for such a valuable service'

So you do attach value to sex then SGB? I also 'value' sex but in a totally different way to you thus why I have a different pov.

Canyousee - thankyou for your insight - it supports what I have always questioned, that consent can be bought, when you posted that you were being raped for money ( is that what you meant?)

Lots of other posters I agree with - money and power especially. Maybe certain men really fear the idea of self supporting women or women having money thus prostitution reinforces the idea that all women are willing to exchange sex for gain.

Some men (on discussion boards) also seem to despise women for being able to 'get' sex whenever they want if they are not to choosy about who they pick, whereas if a man wants sex then the only guaranteed way is to pay for it.

SGB - do you think that the sex industry is responsible for preventing true equality between the sexes or vice versa?(no pun intended). If women are continuing to providing this 'valuable service' then what proportion of men see us as worthless in other aspects?

I spent time in pattaya Thailand, a shining example of how sinister prostitution really is. Every bar filled with 'rich' (comparitively) western men with tiny and very young looking Thai women. The most vulgar aspects were the acceptiblilty that everyone was paying for sex so there was a lot of groping and laughing by both sides, the men sounding proud and 'masculine' the women sounding weak and eager to please. It was very trophy like. It left me feeling like I had a vision of what life would be like in a male dominated society that had abandoned all morals.... I'm finding it difficult to explain but it made me realise the fears I had about prostitution were spot on. It included the whole school girl, lesbian type fantasy.

Same scenario in Cuba where sex was the only way many women had of earning hard currency. All male tourists were seen as potential punters and a lot of Western men seemed to think all women were available for their pleasure. A very degrading set-up all round.

It's the suspension of disbelief I couldn't get my head around; the idea that these middle-aged, unattractive men could sit there jawing on to young, beautiful women and somehow think they were interested in what they had to say and really fancied them. It would have been ridiculous if it weren't so sad.

I agree with the last two posters and many others who have expressed a similar point of view.

I think whether prostitution is 'wrong' in the moral sense or not is actually kind of irrelevant apart from to individual conscience. The fact is that prostitution is damaging to the majority of the people who do it. It is also damaging to society as a whole as it is an 'industry' that involves trafficking of people and drugs, organised crime, violence, rape, drug pushing and abuse, theft, fraud, coercion, slavery, child abuse, and a whole group of individuals who live off the sexual abuse of damaged and vulnerable people. A society that accepts and condones the above is neither honorable nor admirable IMO.

Whilst I can see (although I disagree with) why people argue about a women's 'right' to sell her body as some sort of freedom, the problem is, that taking this argument to its logical conclusion means arguing that people with power and money have the right to buy access to other people's bodies. This is the part I have a problem with.

The fact is that the majority of sex workers do not want to work as prostitutes, most have been sexually abused as children and most abuse substances. Most are threatened and beaten and many are murdered. The influx of trafficked women who are forced by pimps to have sex without protection or to perform difficult acts such as anal sex raises the danger level for all women.

The tiny minority of sex workers who claim to be there entirely through choice and astute career decisions do nothing to change the reality of the majority of sex workers. What that tiny minority does do however is allow the myth of the 'happy hooker' to perpetuate.

Prostitution is a mechanism that allows men to have rights over other people's bodies. You can dress it up any way you like and call it what you like but the sordid truth is that some men think they have the right to buy another person for a half hour slot once in a while. By condoning this in any way we degrade our society as a whole and act as enforcers.

I wholeheartedly agree with this document;

www.kvindehandel.dk/data/archive/files/10-Myths---prostitution!.pdf

Particularly this bit;

"When it comes to prostitution, the legislation should also signal that we do not accept the fact that half the population is regarded as a commodity to be purchased and that we do not accept the damaging effects of this view of women. Future generations should be allowed to grow up in the knowledge that we are serious when we claim to support gender equality. This is completely incompatible with acceptance of prostitution."

LindenAvery: I do not think prostitution or sex work contributes anything like as much to the inequality of the sexes as marriage does. And yes, blah blah, lots of people have perfectly acceptable marriages, choose to enter into them freely etc. But the institution of marriage is about women being property to be owned: a percentage of the stigma attached to sex work comes from the concept that women choosing to charge by the hour for sexual services rather than accepting a one-off lifetime payment in the form of a wedding ring, are somehow not playing fair by men.
Also, those people banging on about how wonderful their marriages are: have they ever considered that they might be over-glamourising an institution that is actually very damaging (don't forget, 2 women a week killed by current or former partners, 1 in every 4 women will be a victim of domestic violence in her lifetime) and giving the young and vulnerable an inaccurate impression of it?
Addressing economic inequality in general is the only longterm way to help those people involved in sex work who think they have no other option; addressing the evils of people-trafficking and modern slavery will involve cleaning up the agricultural, clothing and catering industries as well (all of these industries involve slave labour and trafficking at the lowest levels).

Yes, lots of women are killed by their partners and former partners but a much higher proportion of prostitutes are killed by punters, pimps and general psychos. I don't understand what your point is.

My point is that sexwork, like marriage, can be OK or it can be lethal. Marriage is really, historically (and indeed, very often in the present day) just prostitution with a single client, a much higher workload, and a much lower hourly rate of pay.

' But the institution of marriage is about women being property to be owned:'

This is absolute rubbish! Maybe some women marry a man because he has money and/or power-but I am not one of them, I would rather be poor and single. Even my grandmother didn't do this-she was a strong woman.In those days it was true in law, but there was no way my grandmother would have married a man with those views.
A partner would only have to hit me once and I would be gone-there is no excuse for it. No one has ever hit me and no one ever will, (unless they manage it once and I don't see it coming but they wouldn't get the chance to do it twice!).

'Well the going rate for most of the women I know is £250 an hour.'

This is absolutely revolting-this is a human being NOT a slab of meat!

SGB, I think the benefit of marriage for women and men is more than sex and money....

The insitution of marriage may well in the past have been about women being owned etc etc.

Nowadays it isn't, unless people or cultures make it that way and accept it as such. I certainly don't and I'd guess that most women on here would not see themselves as being owned.

I'd recommend marriage to anyone, under the right circmstances, with the right person etc etc. I'd also recommend single life to anyone, I have had great times and a really fulfilled life in both circumstances. No big deal there.

To generalise marriage as the exchange of a wedding ring for sex or anything else is really unhelpful in this day and age. I am in now way justifying abuse under any circumstances in saying that.

I'd hazard a guess as to say the percentage of women beaten by their husbands in a marriage setting is much less than those beaten by clients in a prostitution setting.

If you are selling yourself, firstly you are selling yourself to someone without a proper moral sense(i.e you can use another human being for your own ends) and secondly you are giving them power over you in that they have 'bought' you for a certain length of time. If you put the two together you are in great physical danger.

Fair points SGB,
Perhaps the definition of marriage needs evolving, it is something I will continue to discuss with my DCs as they grow up especially as they will be influenced by the number of relationships they consider the 'norm' as most of the family are in longterm successful relationships.

And I don't bang on (I think) I actually discuss the realities of such a relationship both the pros and cons as I do realise it is not for everyone AND that people's expectations and realities fluctuate wildly from mine. And yet marriage for me was the right choice and nothing to do with any religious reasons, or being 'owned', however I accept that in some cases marriage can be little more than slavery.I do not believe that this is right and I have supported and will continue to support women affected by domestic violence.

I would much rather women become educated, able to support themselves and (like you I believe) be happy without the need to feel they need a partner to complete the picture.
I just feel that the majority of sexworkers in this country truly do not want to earn money this way and what lies behind the reasons for becoming a WG - low selfesteem due to previous sexual abuse,sheer desperation, misuse of drugs, coercion. Utter contempt for the men who continue to create a market who surely do not see them as human?

Totally agree with economic inequality paragraph.

Could I ask why you have such a low opinion of marriage, as it is very insulting to suggest that I am a prostitute to my husband?

God SGB you must have had a horrible life to have such a distorted view of how marriage in 2009 is

I choose to be married, I am not owned nor will I be told what to do or when - I will take and consider hubbys view and then probably still what I want anyway. Your view of marriage perhaps is more victorian but most of us dont live that life.

How you can equate marriage with prostitution is completely beyond me. Once you have taken money as a prostitute I would imagine it is quite difficult/dangerous to back out of the transaction, whereas if hubby puts the housekeeping into the bank I doubt I will come to much harm if I decide to buy nailvarnish with it instead

That some people have marriages which do not involve slavery and abuse doesn't alter the history of marriage as an institution of slavery. And reading the numbers of threadds on the relationship topic about women trapped and isolated with no money, living with a man who terrifies them and assaults them, (or even simply expects them to do all the domestic work, and criticises them constantly for not doing enough of it or not doing it properly without ever lifting a finger) suggests that marriage-as-slavery has not by any means gone away.
And I don't, actually, understand why paying a sex worker for services is 'owning' her any more than paying a builder or a chef, or an artist's model or an athlete to perform a physical task at an hourly rate. The transaction is money for a service, after all.
It was only in 1991 that women won back the right to refuse sex to men who had married them - before then, getting married meant that a man was entitled to have sex with his wife whenever she wanted, whatever she thought about it.

'And reading the numbers of threadds on the relationship topic about women trapped and isolated with no money, living with a man who terrifies them and assaults them, (or even simply expects them to do all the domestic work, and criticises them constantly for not doing enough of it or not doing it properly without ever lifting a finger) suggests that marriage-as-slavery has not by any means gone away.'

What I've noticed on a remarkable number of those threads, however, is that the couple aren't married at all. He is a the partner rather than the husband and the woman usually ends up very screwed financially as a result.

Because I imagine the only benefit for a WG is cash, whereas a builder,chef etc has potentially many other benefits, job satisfaction,pride,self-esteem and probably does not have a negative psychological effect on their mental health.

Because sex is supposed to be about mutual pleasure surely? Not a service?