Being a "high end" sex worker and what it means/involves

[OFFS]

I have another thread going, in which dittany has suggested that I am a male fantasist, and therefore a liar. She says this because I have said that I am a prostitute, and generally enjoy my work, though it is not without problems. I have started this thread so that those of you who have questions about "high end" (SBG's phrase, not mine) prostitutes can ask me, directly, any questions you might have.

Please note that I am not a street-worker, I do not work in a brothel, and I have no pimp. My clients approach me via email - I do not hang out in hotel bars, and I require at least 24 hours notice of an appointment. I have no knowledge or personal experience of these other aspects of sex work.

I choose which clients I see, and can walk out at any time. I am not trafficked or abused, and have never had a violent client in eight years. I pay my taxes like any other self-employed businesswoman. I do not have any addiction to any illegal drugs, and I always use condoms with my clients. I have regular check-ups at my local GUM. While I have no direct knowledge of parlour/sauna/brothel work, I do have trusted prostitute friends with that experience, and I will do my best to furnish the information you require.

Please also note that I am not qualified or experienced enough to discuss women who are trafficked, abused, drug-addicted or so forth. I can, and am willing, to discuss my own life - I am not responsible for others.

Who is SBG?

I believe she is currently known as solidgoldbullet4myvalentine and was previously known as SolidGoldBrass.There was another name of whch I'm aware, but I'm not sure if mwntioning it would breach her confidentiality.

I read your other thread and really felt for your dilemma with your DH, but didn't post because I had nothing helpful to add that other hadn't already said.

However, I think it's {sad] that you feel like you need to defend yourself and your profession, which, it sounds like, you chose with your eyes open, just because another poster questioned you. IMHO, that's giving her way too much power.

But I'm sure if I think about it, I might have some questions so will be back.

Good luck to you with everything!!!!

Ok, I fucked up my bold but you get the idea.

Thanks,Jacksmama, I'd rather not need to defend myself; but I have been around MN for a good while, I have contributed on other threads, (I am still a mother and a wife, after all) and I have seen dittany, in particular, refuse to accept that some sex-workers do choose our/their lives, and are not abused/pimped etc. I do not deny, nor do I seek to deny, that abuse occurs within the sex industry; nor would I seek to deny that similar abuse occurs in many other industries. I do want to say, however, that not all sex workers are abused.

So,here I am, ask away.

Ooh, went a bit OTT with the bold there.

Well, certain posters have issues with certain subjects (I am relatively new to MN but I have noticed that myself)... I guess if it were me I'd just ignore posters who have a history of being highly reactive, especially when you said in your OP that you're not interested in their opinions... I hate to see people railroaded into defending their life choices. After all, they're nobody's business but yours. Even if you seek advice on your choice, it's still your business whcih advice to take and which to flush.
But - I think it's great that you're willing to answer questions on your profession, especially since it's one that the average person knows very little about.

"which advice", even!

I'll be back later on Monday/early hours of Tuesday; I do keep erratic hours, so it'll be "afternoon" at best, maybe evening, possibly even late night - but I'm happy to answer any questions that you have, within my own experience.

I cannot speak for "trafficked" (voluntarily and with knowledge of what they were to do, or not) workers, or for sex-slaves, and I do not deny that they exist, nor do I think it is even vaguely acceptable that people are effectively enslaved, either in sex work or in agricultural work. I do view debt-bondage as a form of slavery, and think it is utterly wrong. I think dittany and I would agree at least on that much.

I say again, for those who have not read my other thread, that MNHQ have access to my registered email address, which is my working name @ my working address; if you have doubts as to my authenticity as a voluntary sex-worker/prostitute, please ask MNHQ if they think I'm a man/fantasist.

Now, go for it!

I already asked, who is SBG?

People probably have opinions on this subjects based upon lack of knowledge coupled with the prevalence of bad press and negative stories.

I don't particularly agree that women should 'have' to sell sex for money. I'm talking about women who are maybe drug addicted, working dangerously on the street or being pimped by men etc.

However, having read your other thread, if that is your choice, you enjoy your job, you're honest in your marriage and no one is abusing you or making money out of you, who can say anything against that?

I respect you for coming on here and opening up the discussion. It is really interesting to read your side of the story. Just because your views on sex differ from other peoples, does not mean you should be judged.

Anyway, I'm a nosey bugger and you said it was ok to ask. So spill the beans on 'high end' then? I always thought it meant a young, 20-something super model type, jetting round the Arab States? Well that's what the media would have us believe anyway.....

she answered that at 3:36! (it was a typo of sgb)

You're right, so sorry

thanks

Jacksmama, you posted while I was composing mine: thank you, and this thread is for those would would like to know my truth. It is only my truth - I recognise that there are many, many others (most people) for whom sex work is just wrong, for whatevever reason. But I've been doing it for eight years, and in that time I have met scores of women - some of whom I know well, and all of whom I respect - who are voluntarily doing this work, and it really fucks me off when people decide that because some women are not acting under their own free will, all "working" women must have low self-esteem, have been abused, have pimps etc etc et-fucking-cetera.

(See, I even got my Latin right)

I want to challenge Dittany,in particular, face to face, (as it were) because I have followed her posts, and her (IMHO, of course) shitey, crappy, badly-researched figures do her, and her (utterly valid points!) no favours at all. I am appalled that the best modern feminisim can come up with is fakery, and abused statistics that are so easily disproven.

The thing is, dittany, that you genuinely have a point - there are women who are unwillingly trafficked into the sex trade, and I couldn't agree more that this is horrific, and that those women should be treated as victims of multiple rape, and given refugee status at the very least.

Ach,going to bed now. Happy to take all qustions later.

does "ugg type motion

so i'd like to know how you got into it? how did you get your first client? you can't exactly go to a friend's dinner party and proposition the male guests for a fee, so did you know someone already in the business?

how did you decide how much to charge?

do you offer the girlfriend experience or do you meet for sex only, or a combination?

what is the worst thign about your job?

OFFS - dittany is great, but she has "ishoos" don't take it personally! She is a bit of a self appointed crusader.

Im in awe really! Im just reading "the secret life of a call girl" VERY different to the TV program . DP is doing quite well out of it

I have to ask, but how do you get over some of them being complete mingers with bad breath and sweaty hands? I mean, they can't all be gorgeous business men with endearing sexual quirks can they - or indeed are any of them really like that?

How do you separate the sex with clients with sex with your DH or does that kind of happen naturally?

Do you ever worry about the clients who come to you with more extreme "needs" actually being proper perverts that you are fuelling, or do you feel that it is better that they come to you for their jollies as it provides them with an outlet (sorry, i don't mean that to sound judgemental, but it must cross your mind).

Do you get off on your job?

Do you think prostitution should be legalised and if it were, would that make your job easier or do you think it would lose its appeal?

OOOh lots of questions I have to say i do admire you actually - to be comfortable in your own shoes is an acheivement in itself. I tried to kid myself when i was younger that I slept around because i was liberated and in charge of my own destiny etc, but for me at least, i was kidding myself, i was just desperate for affection (and not because of an unhappy childhood but societies expectations that i be "happy" and part of a couple") Its good to know actually that there are women like you who are genuinely comfortable with sex with strangers for your own ends, whether thats enjoyment or money. Despite what dittany would think (and i do hate to drag her into my argument, we have clashed many a time, but i do actually think she is a caring person who has clearly been hurt in the past and can't deal with the harshness of the emotional quagmire that is other peoples relationships).

Your DH is aware of what you do i take it (sorry, no time to read the whole thread), and i can "get" that, but one thing - if you have regular clients that you may or may not feel some sort of fondness for (or do you?) how does he get his head around that? I mean, sex is sex but the minute they become a return client, doesn't that constitute a relationship, even if it is not an emotional/romantic one?

Blimey - you don't have to answer all those questions - just find it fascinating is all.

I'm curious about the tax. What do you pay taxes on, and what do you call yourself (your business - what category) for tax purposes, since I assume you cannot put prostitute, since it's illegal (is it still?) to live off what they call 'immoral earnings'.

ROTFL at HEcate - ever sensible

Do you think it's really neccesary to start another thread about it? You said in your other thread you didn't want to have a discussion about the rights and wrongs of the sex trade. Am sorry but this seems to me to be a thread to have a go at Dittany as you do seem to have singled her out in both threads for some criticism and it does come over as a bit planned because you want to go head to head with her.

I personlly think that's a little unfair.

To be blunt:

Do you climax on the job?

Do you also take bookings with women?
If no, why not?

What is your criteria for chosing a client?
Looks? Financial Status?

Hecate: it's not illegal to be a sex worker. It's illegal to 'control' one ie be a pimp. The laws round sex work are still pretty muddled, and mostly inconvenience the willing sex workers while not being much help to the unwilling victims. Though for tax purposes the OP can call herself a personal therapist if she prefers (many do).

beanie - i think if the OP felt singled out then this is fair enough, and dittany is more than capable of fighting her own battles, and does so with flair - often!

I missed the other thread so its interesting for me, as someone who is very split down the middle about the sex industry to have the opportunity to chat to someone who has real and positive experience - if you don't like it - don't read the thread, its that simple

Fair play to you, OP, if you are comfortable and happy with your choices.

I do think, however, that this thread should steer away from criticising dittany - I believe it's poor form to bring an issue over into another thread like this.

Also, I think that - while some people may find dittany's responses OTT or repetitive - she truly has her heart in the right place. Unfortunately, many more women are forced into sex work than choose it happily like you, OP. And the more we complain about that, whether in chat sites, or in public, the more likely we are to ameliorate that situation. By making a stance on these forums, I think dittany actually creates a space for abused women to come forward and discuss their positions.

You seem very comfortable with your life. That's terrific. But many women are not, and dittany, in her own way, is trying to speak for them, and they're much more vulnerable and in need of support, IYSWIM.

IMHO.

This is really interesting. There is an argument that all sales work is selling the self in a way - sometimes with more honesty than others. You sound like you have more self-respect than I did when I was selling dodgy financial products.

I would like to ask:

Do you like / enjoy using pornography (either in your personal or professional sex life - do you get off on it?)

Do youur clients tend to have non-professional sexual relationships too - or do you not know?

Be honest - are you really gorgeous, or could an average looking, charming, well turned out woman do what you do?

Were you good at sex before you started - technically? Is there such a thing?

Do your clients really treat you with sincere respect or do they sometimes (even unintentially) make you feel small?

Thanks