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Original poster

Massive row has erupted over something so small

169 replies

Geetar · 26/02/2009 20:20

I've namechanged for this as some of you know me in real life.

I have four boys aged 17, 15, 10 and 7. A few weeks ago DH pulled me up saying that I 'baby' the kids and they should be doing more for themselves. Especially putting their own clothes away.

I agree, especially about the older ones but as I explained to DH, its just much easier for me to put everyones clothes away at the same time whilst they're at school. Especially as I'm at home all day.

He disagreed and said I was making excuses. I just told him I would continue to do it my way, if he wanted to give up his job and become a house husband whilst I worked, he could run the house his way.

So from then on, everytime he saw a pile of fresh ironing he just swiped all the clothes onto the floor. Then whilst I picked them up he would say "see, if the kids were doing their own clothes, you wouldn't be down there now picking them up, would you?"

I told him he was a smug, stubborn and immature idiot and if he did it again I would stop washing and ironing HIS clothes. He went in a major strop and stormed upstairs and raked all of the clothes out of the drawers and threw them all down the stairs.

From that point on I stopped washing and ironing his clothes.

So this morning when he got up for work, he had no clean shirts. He asked why and I reminded him what I'd said and what he'd done and he went nuts and punched the door, called me a fucking imbecile and smashed a mug before calling in sick.

He has not spoken to me all day. I don't understand why such little disagreements have to erupt into such massive rows. I don't think I was in the wrong totally?

OP posts:
PottyCock · 26/02/2009 20:22

He's behaving disgustingly

ilove · 26/02/2009 20:22

He is right, you are doing the children no favours by mollycoddling them. You are both acting like children.

Original poster
Geetar · 26/02/2009 20:23

I accept that maybe I was wrong in the initial argument but his behaviour afterwards was surely over the top and uncalled for?

OP posts:
bronze · 26/02/2009 20:23

Well first I agree they should all be putting their things away. Its not about ease but about responsibility.

Beyond that though his behaviour is appalling and childish and smug stubborn immatrue idiot seems to sum it up well. His reaction was OTT and I think you need to talk about his reaction (when hes calmed down and talking)

bronze · 26/02/2009 20:23

x posts

NoBiggy · 26/02/2009 20:23

He's a twat. Sorry.

PottyCock · 26/02/2009 20:24

I can't get over this:

'everytime he saw a pile of fresh ironing he just swiped all the clothes onto the floor'

how bullish and disrespectful.

Dior · 26/02/2009 20:25

I think that maybe he was initially right, but that doesn't mean he has to act like that. Is there more to it than you have described?

Geepers · 26/02/2009 20:25

My husband wouldn't dream of doing that because there would be a murder in the house if he tried. He's being rude, nasty, demeaning and a total pig. leave his laundry on the floor for ebveryone to walk over.

traceybath · 26/02/2009 20:26

Sorry but i think he was totally in the wrong. Am presuming he's happy for you to put his clothes away.

I'm all for giving children/teenagers responsibility but his reaction is very extreme and frightening. I don't think you've acted like a child at all. He's acted in a very aggressive manner which would have scared me to be honest.

beansontoast · 26/02/2009 20:27

oh dear.

he started off on the right track....but then completely lost it!

how antagonistic...

but if you agree..why are you still putting their clothes away?

(my house is often gripped with this kind of tedious locking of horns...it aint good!)

Original poster
Geetar · 26/02/2009 20:31

I'm only doing it now out of stubborness really. I know its childish but I don't want him to start thinking he can always have his own way by being aggressive and bullying. If I give in now, he will be under the impression that it worked.

OP posts:
2pt4kids · 26/02/2009 20:32

You may have been wrong in the inital disagreement but that in NO WAY excuses his awful awful behaviour towards you when he didnt get his own way!
He is behaving disgusingly.

fluffles · 26/02/2009 20:35

omg! seriously??? imho he was right to start with but then he started behaving like a five year old!!!

no idea what you do now as clearly you don't want to appear to be reacting to this behaviour...

MadamDeathstare · 26/02/2009 20:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

missingtheaction · 26/02/2009 20:38

arguments are rarely about what the argument is about (if you see what I mean) and this one is WAY WAY over the top. Are you sure there isn't something else going on? he is FURIOUS about something.

How come you can be tough with him (no laundry) and a doormat with your kids?

beansontoast · 26/02/2009 20:39

i am not being deliberately insensitive...but if you focus on what is actually happening rather than not giving in,you will see that

he wanted you to stop doing stuff for your boys...you agreed but said NO ...he was a TWAT and now (sorry)you are being a twat!

there must be some other resentment lurking (in my experience)

missingtheaction · 26/02/2009 20:40

ps - i would imagine most of your RL friends know who you are as there aren't that many people who are sahm with 4 boys aged 17, 15, 10, 7...

bamboobutton · 26/02/2009 20:41

omg! if my dh did this he would have bleeding ears as a result of me banshee screeching at him, and he would be lucky to have a shred of clothes left to wear, let alone clean ones.

red hot temper? moi?!

Egg · 26/02/2009 20:42

My DH (aged 39) still leaves his dirty clothes outside his bedroom door if we go and stay at the inlaws. And his mum still picks them up, washes them, and puts them back in his room .

However, despite your DH being possibly correct in the initial argument (although as traceybath says, I bet he lets you put his stuff away quite happily), he is behaving appallingly now. He really needs to do a lot of apologising.

choosyfloosy · 26/02/2009 20:43

I think he is angry about other things tbh. It may seem to him that you are prepared to bend over backwards for the children, but will not move an inch for him. I don't think stress at work is precisely an excuse, but I'd bet that's part of it. He may even have had a mental deadline, perhaps 'when the youngest goes to school' by which time certain things would happen/have happened, either in his life or in your relationship, and they haven't.

I don't think you have to put up with the ironing being chucked about, but I do think to get stubborn about teaching the kids to look after themselves, especially when you think this is the right thing to do, is silly tbh.

Could you say that you want to start again on this, you are absolutely not prepared to have your work trashed any more than he would be, but that you will start getting the kids to put their things away, on condition he tells you what the hell's going on, because he's acting strangely?

MrsMattie · 26/02/2009 20:43

He needs anger management.

FlyMeToDunoon · 26/02/2009 20:45

What a jerk!
If he was so concerned about the fact that you were putting all the clothes away he could have sat everyone down and told the boys that from now on they and he would be putting their/his own clothes away.
His behaviour wuld scare me and make me mad.

Lizzylou · 26/02/2009 20:45

So it's OK for you to wash, iron and put away his stuff, but not your DC's?

He is acting like a brat tbh

jenk1 · 26/02/2009 20:46

oh heck, i do agree with your DH about the kids putting their own clothes away, my DS who is 12 puts all his own away and my DD does hers with me as well, she is 5.

but his reaction is soooooooo OTT.

i think i would feel the same as you and not want to be seen to giving into childish demands,i think he might need some anger management?

is he like this over other things as well?