Massive row has erupted over something so small

[Geetar]

I've namechanged for this as some of you know me in real life.

I have four boys aged 17, 15, 10 and 7. A few weeks ago DH pulled me up saying that I 'baby' the kids and they should be doing more for themselves. Especially putting their own clothes away.

I agree, especially about the older ones but as I explained to DH, its just much easier for me to put everyones clothes away at the same time whilst they're at school. Especially as I'm at home all day.

He disagreed and said I was making excuses. I just told him I would continue to do it my way, if he wanted to give up his job and become a house husband whilst I worked, he could run the house his way.

So from then on, everytime he saw a pile of fresh ironing he just swiped all the clothes onto the floor. Then whilst I picked them up he would say "see, if the kids were doing their own clothes, you wouldn't be down there now picking them up, would you?"

I told him he was a smug, stubborn and immature idiot and if he did it again I would stop washing and ironing HIS clothes. He went in a major strop and stormed upstairs and raked all of the clothes out of the drawers and threw them all down the stairs.

From that point on I stopped washing and ironing his clothes.

So this morning when he got up for work, he had no clean shirts. He asked why and I reminded him what I'd said and what he'd done and he went nuts and punched the door, called me a fucking imbecile and smashed a mug before calling in sick.

He has not spoken to me all day. I don't understand why such little disagreements have to erupt into such massive rows. I don't think I was in the wrong totally?

how did she set up an arguement on purpose?

Hmm. I wondered that too purpleduck

OH MY GOD!!!! I cannot believe the last few posts - i suppose if he smacked her in the face you would have said she was asking for it then??? I mean, you ARE joking right? That SHE was being childish and trying to make an argument? Now I am very good at making an argument, but that would not be my way of going about it. I would have to push and push and push my DP to get a reaction like this.

The OPs husband is an abusive bully, and quite frankly the way he humiliated her i feel that was as bad as a smack in the mouth!

Be interested to know how geetar is getting on

Seeing as it appears that most men of the woman on this board are abusive then these women on this board should leave their men, cross their legs and stay single.

It's actually getting boring!

Also - my MIL used to put DPs clothes away, ironed and folded bless her - until he was 34 and left home. She LIKED doing it - as far as i can tell my DP has pretty much all the lifeskills he needs. He certainly doesn't expect me to do it for him, although i do now as im at home most of the time but when we both worked we both did the washing. It does actually make sense for the mum to be putting the clothes away - well, on the ends of their beds maybe but FFS, her DHs reaction - who the fuck is he to criticise her job, how she has looked after their children - If he felt so strongly about it then he should have sat the boys down and said, right lads, your taking the piss, give your mum a hand here and put your clothes away! THats what a decent man would have done.

well if you are bored, toddle off and don't let the door slam on your arse on the way out! ive always wanted to say that!!!

TBH i would normally be in agreement with you as i do think "abuse" is shouted too freely sometimes on here, but not this time - honestly, the OP made me feel sick.

Could he be having a major crisis at work and so under pressure (many are losing jobs, cutting hours etc), sounds like he could be having some erratic moods (and anger, not turning in for work etc) from stress. You need to talk to him, this problem might be deeper than the laundry pile IYKWIM.

wotzy, my dp is under a lot of stress at work, and he has had some pretty violent explosions recently - quite scary - we have had to sit and talk about it, he has never hit me or directed his outpourings of rage at me btw, but it needed addressing. BUT never has he lost the plot over something so trivial and it wasn't all done in a fit of pique - to repeatedly put the laundry on the floor - the geezer is a cunt and a horrible bully.

Well toddle off and get sick somewhere else!

You've always wanted to hit someone with a door is it? Next thing you know you're going to hit your husband - you abuser.

I guess this the way all the threads usually go isn't it!And I couldn't care less if you agree with me or not.

ANSWER: To all woman who feel they are victims of abuse. Leave your man, cross your legs and stay single.

yeah, really helpful loveeasy - you'll have me calling you a misogonist soon - if dittany doesn't beat me to it! loon

OP is raising her sons to be a burden for their future partners. Your DH has just as much right to have a say in his DC's upbringing. What he does not have the right to do is bully you and act like a brat. You, I'm afraid, are acting like a brat too, sorry.

You both need to sit down, talk, listen and agree a way forward because it will be your children who will suffer if you both don't start behaving with more maturity and understanding.

Also, stop spoiling your sons. Future partners will not thank you for it and you are not doing them any favours by doing everything for them.

Gosh a voice of reason! @spokette

i just cant see how this man's behaviour can be seen as anything but wrong wrong wrong and childish in the extreme

Has the op been back

did everyone miss the bit were he smashed a mug, it really was an ott reaction,

You really need to talk to your dh about his reaction, has this occurred before

Although agree that your ds should be doing abit more, where were they when your dh went ott

Dittany
"Most women can deal with a man who is a bit dippy in the housework department"

Considering the amount of posts from women complaining about the fact that they have to do most of the house work, I would beg to differ on that.

I'm not excusing bullying behaviour because that is totally unacceptable, no matter the circumstances.

From what I have read, OP needs to respect the fact that her DH does have a say in the raising of their DC and he has to learn how to express himself without resorting to abusive behaviour.

They both needs lessons in communicating and a key feature of communication is listening. Neither party is listening to the other, imho. They both only appear to be interested in oneupmanship.

I can't see where or how the OP did anything wrong. Really I don't. I don't like threads were anything a man does is called abuse, but this man is completely out of order. If he did have a genuine problem with the laundry he approached it completely the wrong way, made it all about her behaviour and then threw his toys out of the pram.

And why is it different for him? Why is it OK for her to do his washing and not her children's?

He's a nob, but you are possibly exacerbating the situation now by being a tad childish over it. By all means, let him do his own laundry BUT at the same time your elder 2 DC should be doing theirs by now as well.

His initial actions in throwing the washing on the floor were unbelievably pathetic. If he's so keen to get the DC to help out, why doesn't he ask them to?