Hi, as some of you will know, I am due to give evidence at the trial of my ex husband in May. For those who don't, as it stands he is being tried for 11 counts of rape, sexual assault and worse...he may also stand trial for child abuse too if the police can persuade the CPS.
The only thying which has kept me sane throughout this is the fact that I will be able to give evidence from behind a screen, therefore will not have to see him at all. But I've been told now that he is asking for my right to protection to be removed and for me to have to testify face to face. There is a hearing in March to determine whether he can force me to do this or not...it is basicaly up to the judge. But I know I cannot do it if I have to see or be seen by him. I spent 6 years with him, filled with abuse, during which time he abused me in every way possible, and even worse abused my children. It is only the fact that I haven't seen him or heard from him in 18 months that my self confidence has returned but I know that if I have to do this I will become a wreck and be unable to give evidence in a calm way. I feel sick now just thinking about it. For the first time since this all began I am doubting my wisdom in agreeing to testify against him. My normal composure is now shot to f**k and I am never far from tears...I've been proud of the way I've managed to deal with it all - by rights I should be weaving baskets in a padded cell by now - but this is a massive blow.