You're all trying to be really helpful, and there are lots of good ideas, sensible suggestions, things that might work, and i feel ungrateful when i say "no, tried it" - but for the most part I have - maybe i should just accept it, that seems like the best idea, and I think that's where I've been. mentally, for the past 6 months or so, but it is surprisingly difficult, and occupies my thoughts a lot of the time.
I haven't tried going on holiday, but i have to admit I'm not sure i get that one.
It's like lots of things, you suddenly notice stuff that's always been there, people holding hands, kissing each other and so on, and similarly you also convince yourself "everyone is like that" - you read the problem pages of th etabloids you would usually keep at arms length, and think "that's me"! or "that's her"!.
I'll shut up now, but thank you folks.