DH announced that he bored with our sex life trouble is what to do to spice it up!

[boringinbed]

DH andI have always had what i thought was a good sex life however at the weekend he anounced that he found it boring and we should try new things. Trouble is not sure what to do now he's now clammed up and told me to forget about it but it obviously does bother him and i'm not sure what to do.

[anonymouschap]

Let me just get some armour on, because i'm about to have all manner of things thrown at me.

Putting aside the fact that i'm, to put it politely pretty plain, i have never met, or at least been involved with, any women who actually like, well, it.

I think for women the distance and relationship between fantasy and reality is a very delicate, intellectual thing, and for men it's generally fuelled by a desire to have done something, to have tried it - does that make sense?

(not sure i fit into either of the above categories, which i admit shoots my own argument in the foot)

[prettyfly1]

oh my god are men totally clueless. "wife who takes care of me,looks after my children, contributes to my life - most important woman in my world - you bore me in bed and i want to spice things up" - "Husband of course, ill jsut get out the bondage whips, dual ended buzzy toy and call the swedish au pair for a three some - by the way would you like to spank me?" but . Men how is that supposed to make us want to turn into rampant sex kitties? Try this " wife , the children are in bed, i have cooked for you, the bath is run with candles and afterwards i will give you a massage, get you in the mood and then maybe we can spend some time getting naughty .

[Dior]

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[cod]

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[Caligula]

Anonymouschap, you've obviously had a very sheltered life. Are you seriously saying that no woman you have ever slept with has enjoyed sex with you? Because if that's true, you're either 22, or you're dating the wrong women, or you're doing something seriously wrong. Sorry.

[lou33]

i am one of the women you have never met who like "it", and I like dressing up as well.

[SenoraPostrophe]

you said it, Caligula.

[anonymouschap]

Cal - i'm probably going for c) - just hoping that ALL men are actually a bit uninspiring, so at least i'm in good company

[anonymouschap]

although in my defence (sort of) i've only.... you know... with two people.

blushes, stumbles backwards and falls off the internet

[Branster]

going back to the original question on this thread, let's not corner annonymouschap for a moment .
boringinbed - I think it's most insensitive of your DH to say that to you. If he's got a problem he should try and initiate more adventurous sex rather than just announce it to you like that.
Is he ever going to be more specific about what he wants do you think?
If not, you can always buy a decent sex book and you can both read it together and see what happens. But it may be down to just how passionate it feels rather than pure acrobatics?!

[HappyDaddy]

Hey, anonymouschap, no need to feel embarrassed. I've also only slept with two women, my exw and new dw. I think the thing for you is to try and relax and enjoy it, try to make it enjoyable for them and they will relax and enjoy it too. If you worry about your own performance, you'll get too tense and it will show and your partner won't enjoy it either.

boringinbed, why not say to your dh that you've been thinking the same thing? You'll be amazed how quickly he'll suddenly want to try new things to prove you wrong!

[debs26]

anonymous chap - sounds like you need an older woman to me, someone who is not scared to give step by step directions!

boringinbed - hot and cold bjs always do it for dp - and every other bloke i have ever known! keep an icecube in your mouth for a bit, spit it out and take a swig of warm (not scalding!!!!) tea/coffee and alternate between the two. yes it can get messy when you have a mouth full of liquid but dp would be more than willing to change the bed sheets in return! just make sure you get the same treatment back or you wont feel like doing it next time. i think it is rare that only one partner is boring in bed, i usually find sex involves two people

[debs26]

have i killed this thread or was my tip so great everyone has rushed off to try it?

[prettyfly1]

and in support of debs tip - tea and coffee mask the taste for those of us who are a little oralphobic!!!

Caligula - some 22 year olds are very good in bed - ask my ex, i am so good even when blind drunk and incapable of walking or stringing a sentence together that i made him completely forget to put a condom on - damned hot stuff me

i think that the one thing that needs to be said to all involved in this thread and i think most of you will agree with me is before you can have fireworks and explosions both parties need to be relaxed and comfortable with what they are doing. Saying youre boring is all very well but why, what are you not doing for him - you need to get him to be more specific, then tell him in return and make some time to ahem intimately address those concerns. Anonymous chap - women dont all hate sex and i am sure they dont hate it with you perhaps there was just a bit of nerves going on.

[Caligula]

I'll take your word for it PF1!

AC, only 2 women is definitley not enough to conclude that women don't like sex. And if you read some of the threads on Mumsnet, unless everyone is lying through their teeth, most women do like sex, mostly with men!

[Iklboo]

One of dh's faves - and mine too if I'm honest - is the "surprise" bj. Sometimes I wake up in the night for the loo (11 weeks pg!) and come back feeling a little rampant. DH sleeps on his back most of the time. Whip down the covers and wake him up from the waist down. First he thinks he's dreaming, then realises his dream's come true
Plus I get returned favours

[highlight]

My DH loves that too! ice cubes are always fun! I also like to get in the shower with DH when he's not expecting it! great fun! Glad its the weekend

[boringinbed]

Thanks for all the tips! I took the advice and turned tables on him telling him I've been bored for ages and maybe he'd like to come up with some sugestions, however i think I will try the surprise BK and see what reaction i get!

[anonymouschap]

erm, i'm married and nearly 40.. "dear, on mumsnet they say i should go and practise with an older woman..."

probably won't wash

[anonymouschap]

erm, i'm married and nearly 40.. "dear, on mumsnet they say i should go and practise with an older woman..."

probably won't wash

[Thomcat]

First I want to say well done to your dh for daring to brave the topic. Sex can get a bit staid and it's good to inject a bit of fun now and then. i think it's great he spoke to you about it.

Why don't you both write down things you'd both like to do if it's a bit tricky finding the guts to say it our loud at first. Write each idea on separate bits of paper, then swap bits of paper, make sure you're happy with what the other has written, throwing away the things you are not comfortable with at the moment, then fold up the bits of paper with the different ideas on and pick one out of the hat.

It's a bit premeditated though and spontaneity is good but it does give you both an idea what the other would like. Maybe you could act these things out later, just do the ideas bit anyway.

Telling him things you'd like to do while having sex would be a basic and good place to start.

Buy new underwear.

dressing up seems to work if you are comfy with it. And then doing some role play.

[debs26]

sorry anonymouschap, i suggested older woman because compared to younger women they tend to be more open about what they want and not embarrassed to tell their man! (massive generalization there). would definately recommend getting a book, or buying a magazine like cosmopolitan! agree with caligula, tracey cox is v good. some people are just not happy to talk about sex and i think that is a shame because it definately helps, but if you cant do that a little reading up will help no end. hats off to boringinbeds dp for bringing up the subject, sounds like it wasnt an easy step for him