DH announced that he bored with our sex life trouble is what to do to spice it up!

[boringinbed]

DH andI have always had what i thought was a good sex life however at the weekend he anounced that he found it boring and we should try new things. Trouble is not sure what to do now he's now clammed up and told me to forget about it but it obviously does bother him and i'm not sure what to do.

[lynny70]

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[anonymouschap]

not really, it just doesn't happem- sometimes when she's asleep she'll get close or dort of drape an arm over me, but within a few minutes she wakes up and wraps the sheets sround herself

[lynny70]

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[lou33]

Assuming she is of average intelligence, she will be totally aware that her actions, or lack of them , and the obvious misery they are causing you, yet she chooses not to make any effort or compromise on her part. She knows how desperately unhappy you are, you don't need to tell her, but she doesn't care. That's cruel.


Sadly I don't think it will make any difference what anyone says on here, you have lost your confidence and self respect, and you are satying in a place that you will be unable to gain it back.

Good luck though

[SenoraPostrophe]

yes - a complete absense of any touching at all isn't lack of libido IMO, but something wrong.

If I were you, ac, it would be ultimatum time (couple counselling or leave that is).

[anonymouschap]

maybe i missed it lynny, but whatt was your experience?

[anonymouschap]

maybe i missed it lynny, but whatt was your experience?

[anonymouschap]

maybe i missed it lynny, but whatt was your experience?

[anonymouschap]

oops

[lynny70]

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[anonymouschap]

I've read that lynn, and tried to read between the lines, and i'm not sure i understand the full narrative.... maybe i'm being hard of thinking, but what changed, what made you, or someone, able to change things, what made you realise you wanted to changes things, and how did they get there?

does that make sense?

[lynny70]

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[anonymouschap]

right, well, that's cheered me up no end.

[HappyDaddy]

Do you want us to provide the answers for you? If so, I think you should actually listen to some of the advice being offered instead of just feeling sorry for yourself. The problems aren't going to fix themselves.

[anonymouschap]

yes, of course i'd like "the answers", though i'm not convinced that there are any - no offence, but i haven't seen anything that would work - maybe i should be thinking along completely different lines, maybe i'm being naive or stupid, but yes, i'd love some help

[motherofboys]

Go to counselling on your own to start with and maybe she will join you later? (if not then at least you can feel better about it?)

[Caligula]

AC, you say you haven't seen anything that would work, but how do you know it doesn't work unless you try it? Have you actually tried any of the solutions which have been suggested in this thread?

Sorry to ask the bleedin' obvious, but sometimes I think you can get stuck in a circle of negativity where you just create barriers so that you don't have to confront the big problem in your life. And it very much sounds like you're stuck in that circle. Which is safe and comforting while you're there, but the problem with it is that someday, your DW may decide she no longer wants to live the way you two are doing - and then your cosy circle will disappear and you'll have to face life without her. Wouldn't you rather try and face life with her?

[HappyDaddy]

AC you seem reluctant to try anything, though.

[lynny70]

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[handlemecarefully]

Well speaking as somebody who really doesn't enjoy sex (and who finds it embarassing, awkward and unfulfilling) I think it's simplistic of some posters to dismiss anonymouschap's wife as cruel or selfish.

It is possible to have absolutely no libido.....

[Easy]

But HMC we suspect that AC's dw has not just no libido. She doesn't seem to want any physical contact at all, which is IMO one big step further on than having no libido.

AC I agree with lynny here. I honestly think that because you are not standing up for yourself and what you want (or need) from your relationship, your wife probably has little respect for you and your feelings. You seem to have little respect for your feelings yourself.

If you don't make some fuss, your wife may just feel that you are the one who doesn't want a physical relationship. Your ambivalence may have grown in her mind to be a positive rejection of her. She may even be having the same conversations with her friends as you are having here!

That's why I feel you need to communicate. I suspect you are both falling deeper and deeper into this hole, and if you said to her "This has got to stop" you may be able to pull each other out. If you let the fall continue, I suspect you will never recover.

I can't imagine what it must be like to live in a house with no affection. It seems so sad.

I do remember a friend of mine once telling me that there is nothing worse than being lonely within a relationship, that being lonely alone is a doddle by comparison. Think about it.

[lynny70]

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[motherofboys]

It is true some people have no libido, it is also true that some people esp women have pasts that get in the way of a healthy sex life....BUT not communicating is not healthy for anyone - find out if any of these issues are true for your DW

[lou33]

yes but she doesn't seem to like any form of conatact with him. Even if you don't have sex, surely there has to be some affection in a marriage for it to survive? And not just from one party

[lynny70]

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