DH announced that he bored with our sex life trouble is what to do to spice it up!

[boringinbed]

DH andI have always had what i thought was a good sex life however at the weekend he anounced that he found it boring and we should try new things. Trouble is not sure what to do now he's now clammed up and told me to forget about it but it obviously does bother him and i'm not sure what to do.

[anonymouschap]

i guess i'll just wait for my DW to be an older woman, and cross my fingers until then** i am trying to retain a sense of humour about this, and no offence has been taken, but i'm nearly 40, clearly never going to sleep with her again, and wondering what i missed

[Lonelymum]

AC, have I read this wrong? Did you just imply you and your wife don't sleep together?

[Lonelymum]

Oops, I have killed this thread stone dead.

[anonymouschap]

not since 1998, no

[Thomcat]

AC - really, wow, why is that, or is that a bit personal?

[anonymouschap]

I did mention thatt my DW isn't interested

[foxinsocks]

is she depressed? does terrible things to the sex drive

[anonymouschap]

I've thought a lot about the whys and wherefores, and i've sort of settled on She doesn't find me attractive", as thats horrid, but so much nicer than "she doesn't love me". See threads passim

[foxinsocks]

ok I'm with you now

I wonder whether it's not time for the 'do you love me' conversation to take place with her. You can't carry on like you are - I doubt she'll be able to carry on the way she's feeling (she must be miserable) so why not confront the situation. One of you will have to sooner or later and in your shoes, I'd be wanting to do the initiating rather than having it sprung on me.

[Lonelymum]

anonymouschap, you are not REB are you? Well, obviously if you are, you won't want to admit that otherwise you wouldn't have changed your name, but if you aren't REB, I can tell you there is another male poster out there going through just the same as you. I wish I could advise. I have spent long periods of time today thinking about your problem, but can come up with no solution, although I do think there are women out there who do not like sex (despite the many here who do) but I don't think it means those women do not love the man they are with.

[Branster]

bloddy hell AC! 98!!! nearly a decade.
Honestly now, why exactly do you love DW?? 'cos you don't seem to be receiving any kindness from her. Or maybe I missunderstood. Maybe you only think you love her .

[anonymouschap]

not a good disguise i guess... i am the one and only, erm bloke who loves a woman who hasn't hugged him since Cher was last No. 1.

[Caligula]

AC, don't you want to change this situation? And do you think your DW does?

[fuzzywuzzy]

AC do the two of you not share any sort of intimacy. OK she doesn't want sex, but no hugs either????

[anonymouschap]

no hugs - the occasional guilt assuaging hand hold, but thta's sort of it.

as i said, see threads passim, i think the point is she doesn't really se it as a problem, or something that needs resolving, and i didn't for the first year or so.

[Lonelymum]

What would happen Ac if you delivered an ultimatum and told dw you either start to enjoy a more intimate life together or you are going to look for it somewhere else? I know you don't want to do that, but I am just trying to understand what your dw's reaction to that would be.

[fuzzywuzzy]

But AC is she happy with this state of affairs?? I can't imagine never hugging dp...
Have you sat down and spoken to her about this, what was your relationship like at the begining, do you have any children??

[Dior]

Message withdrawn

[anonymouschap]

we don't talk about it, no, i think that's one of the unspoken rules.

having never been alive before i guess i don't know what's "normal" in a relationship, but it feels wrong.

"before" it was all very lovely, and yes, now we have children, so it seems as if being close to one another has become academic - i feel like a bit of furniture tbh, s fixture of the relationship.

having said all of that i am rather pissed tonight

[anonymouschap]

we don't talk about it, no, i think that's one of the unspoken rules.

having never been alive before i guess i don't know what's "normal" in a relationship, but it feels wrong.

"before" it was all very lovely, and yes, now we have children, so it seems as if being close to one another has become academic - i feel like a bit of furniture tbh, s fixture of the relationship.

having said all of that i am rather pissed tonight

[anonymouschap]

double postage drunken turmoil, sorry

[Branster]

may i suggest AC, that you having a drink in the evenings speding time on the PC does not induce acts of love from any woman (your DW included). True, this might be the result of her not getting close to you in the first place, but if you recongize it as a cause for further problems, at least you have the power to put a stop to it and reverse the process step by step.

[Branster]

and yeah, I know it's so much easier to speak when you're not in the middle of it all so please don't feel i'm preaching or anything.

[anonymouschap]

i've only recently started getting hammered on cheap lager in the evenings, and tbh it's turning out a lot more fun than going to bed and brooding - i apologise for being here so much recently, i'm just going through one of my "it really bothers me" phases, and by definition there's no one to talk to about it in real life - i also feel guilty about it bothering me, but i can see i'm a bit of a bore, so i'll try to settle down a bit, sorry.

[Branster]

you shouldn't apologise for being here AC. that's the good thing about MN: you can say what's on your mind and if anyone has any helpful comments all the better. who is not interested they don't post and that's that. i for one don't mind it. if only i could help.