2 My 14 year old daughter has made a statement to the police that my husband has been inappropriatley touching her and making s

[hurtandworried]

what happened there??

and of course multi agency approaches never fuck up?? Baby P anyone??? multi agency would work if they bothered to talk to each other and having dealt with these agencies in regards to a disabled child, frankly I'm not convinced they get it right even 1% of the time. And this makes me cross as it's all talk and no action

That's the point, SOL, she would have known the proceedures if this was happening in rl.

Lesson, the information that you were giving could have been helpful if you had tried to present it in a nonconfrontational way. Your manner was scornful, aggressive and accusatory. I found your posts last night upsetting, I can't bear to think how the OP felt.

No she wouldn't!! She would know what she was being told

I have been told rubbish and lies by some of these agencies, and can quite believe that someone in the midst of turmoil will be going along, believing what she is told

This is why she came for support, she could have been told gently, without accusation correct procedure to help her. Hopefully she is now speaking to some of the helplines and getting correct advice, without know it alls calling her a man

Dittany on this I have to disagree.

In an instance like this I would rather someone genuine (but not in obvious distress) appeared on here, got plenty of support from various people but later on as the story slipped a little (and having turned nasty) got their status broadly questioned...than everyone keep schtum about the possibility OP wasn't genuine and more people give of themselves for what could quite possibly be awful, awful purposes.

Yes, it may be a genuine person but she could give as good as she got and fwiw I don't think her story did add up

Or it could have been a non genuine poster, and the motives surrounding that do not bear thinking about.

I was on the recieving end most of the time which is why I retaliated (sp), LGP. The OP was far more aggressive toward me that viceversa.
I'm not going to roll over when I'm being attacked.

You may have felt that lessonlearned, but it isn't how the thread read. You were very, very agressive.

Then I feel roundly admonished (wish I could sp)

Lesson I am sorry I questioned you early on

I didn't understand your tack at all, having dismissed very quickly the idea of OP being a troll (in my own mind at the start of the thread)

I am easily hoodwinked anyway
The number of used car stories I could share

I'm presuming you have some background knowledge on this topic

I'm with you 100% now

no way did it read like that

She was entitled to fight back and kept her cool for a very long time, I'm not sure I could have

LadyGP I know what you mean but fwiw if LL did have reasonable grounds to be 99% certain OP was BSing then I can see why she felt no need for niceties

Get me for acronyms now

Ta, FA. It took quite a lot of clarification before any of us doubted the OP, me included.

her 'grounds' were that she knows procedure and a mother, going through hell didn't know the correct terminology, not exactly a hanging offence

No SoL sorry to say but I feel LL had other suspicions

I don't think it was that straightforward tbh, reading between the lines

Well, I may be in the minority, but I still don't doubt her. The story rang true for me, as did her reactions.
But I am pleased to know that there are so many people on MN who have no doubt whatsoever how they would behave when placed in such a terrible situation. I wish I could be so sure of myself.

I believe her too, for the same reasons ladygp and am also amazed that people know exactly how they would react in such awful circumstances, I don't have a clue how I would

I've no idea how I'd behave Lady G but I just don't think it was real. And fwiw I don't think OP would be too upset hearing that, from the attitude displayed last night.

Of course if it's real I'm sorry - I offered support for a good few hours before even beginning to doubt it.

i hope this was not a troll, i shared some personal stuff in the hope it may help the OP.

i just said this on another post...

This is an open forum, anyone can read what is written. If you share on an open forum, you have to understand that the whole world could read it, and you can't pick and choose who benefits and in what way

Sharing personal stuff will help someone, maybe a reader, maybe someone who searches in a year. We cant ensure that our words are only read by certain people

I have read all the threads on this and I still think this was a woman in absolute turmoil asking for suport for herself in order to be able to support her daughter. Of course she is going to have doubts about whether her DH could have done this terrible thing. If she knew he was capable I doubt she would have allowed him to get anywhere near her family, let alone be her DH for 10 years.

Until we have been in her situation, none of us knows how we would deal with it. We might all like to think we know or that we would do 'the right thing', but until it happens, we don't know.

Sadly, having read the extremely aggressive and downright bullying attitude of some people who know the legalities of it, yet are unable to allow for the fact that a) sometimes the agencies do get it wrong and b)in her shock, she may have been confused by the different terminology, I am now convinced of one thing. That is, that should I ever need any support in a similar situation, or indeed any situation, I will not be looking for it on MN.

I couldn't agree with you more sayithowitis, and I sincerely hope that the OP has been able to phone some of the helplines given to her last night for some professional advice from trained counsellors.

I'm not at all convinced that people do know the legalities though. I thought that some of the bear-baiting behaviour, and the dressed up pseudo-legal procedural jargon being spouted last night was pitiful. Google has a lot to answer for.

Actually the 'jargon' being quoted last night was intended to help the OP to understand child protection procedures and I take exception to being accused of 'baiting' her.

I'm with dittany re: troll-hunters. Actually the OP was not inconsistent. I did find some of her posts rather aggressive but I think she can be forgiven for feeling pretty fucked up at the moment.

For what it's worth, I don't thing that she's a troll either.

I think that she's a very distressed woman.

I think that she can't believe that her husband would do something like this and was supporting her daughter best she could whilst not being able to contemplate the thought of her husband being sent to a sex-offenders wing of a prison. I think this is understandable.

I think that her daughter has picked up on these mixed emotions which is what has led to her daughter saying that she doesn't want to press charges although she does want her testimony to stand.

Early on in the thread it was stated by a number of posters that although this was understandable, it wasn't correct.
That her daughter should be supported 100% and encouraged to press charges and let the courts decide. This woman thinks that her actions could lead to her husband being sent to prison, she needs to understand that it's her husbands action that could lead to him being sent to prison.

She has stated later on in the thread that she is going to speak to her daughter about believeing her 100%, and pressing charges - and also speak to the police about the lies her husband told during the interview.

On the other side, there is the chance that her daughter has made this up. The OP must be considering this. The key point is that she must behave as if her daughter hasn't made it up.
If the accusation is true, then her daughter needs to know she's supported 100%.
If the accusation is not true, then her husband should understand the mother's decision to support her daughter and the family should be able to work through whatever problems have led to this situation occurring.

The poor woman. She came here for support. She got a lot, and she said that it helped to clarify her thinking.

Then she got accused of all kinds of stuff, repeatedly. I think that's well out of order.

Popped back to see how HAW was doing after I left her yesterday afternoon. So sad to see it all kicked off. Some people love to throw stones and I always wonder why. Empty lives I guess.

HAW, thinking of you, I hope some stuff helped and wish you a lot of luck going forward.