My daughter has made allegations that my husband in abusing her, I can't find any support on the net. Please help!!!

[hurtandworried]

My 14 year old daughter has made a statement to the police that my husband has been inappropriatley touching her and making sexual advances towards her. Please tell me where I can get some support around how this is making me feel. I can't find anywhere on the net for this kind of thing.

ria.....the lists you talk about are all ones that will show up on an employers search if they did one (CRB) showing up on any list is bad news IME. my brother was never charged with abuse BUT he was accused and all accusations dropped and this was over 8 years ago now and it still haunts his everyday life.

yes ria they have told me that troo, not that he'll ever want to but he can never work with kids, never foster etc etc even tho he hasnt been charged

when I reported my parents nothing was really done but my counsellor contacted the police where they stay and they took their details and said that they would be kept on file so that if any other allegations were made they would be known to them especially as my sister leaves her son n their care all the time

I don't see why people can't see what HAW is saying here

If one of my daughters came to me saying my exH had abused them, you know what, I would find it very very hard to believe. I can't standthe bloke and he wasn't a very good husband but he has been a terrific father. I would struggle with what to believe

OP is trying to get things sorted in her mind so she CAN support her daughter, that is why she asked for help. She has answered everyones questions and been very honest. Why should she turn around and say it is all sorted in her mind, when it isn't, just because a few women think they know how she should act. If this man has given her no reason to worry in any shape or form and up to 3 weeks ago she loved him, of course this kind of news will scramble her head

The fact she came for support says to me, her daughter IS the most important person in this scenario.

but these accusations show up on all CRB checks. My brother now works in a kitchen in a restaurant and he had to have a crb done for handling money, it showed up and he had to get police to issue a letter to his employers explaining the incident.

yes bonkerz, that is what she thinks i think!!

oh god dove thankyou so much!

HAW then she needs setting straight. IF you believe her then you need to make sure she does press charges and that your DH is put away for what he has done to your daughter.
If you dont he MAY do it to someone else.
My BIL was put away for 20+ years because after my nieces accused him someone else stepped forward and told the police he had abused her almost 12 years before my neice accused him. She has had to live with the guilt that she didnt say anything before and that he was allowed to go on and abuse more children (she had proof he had abused her as he had been her step dad too and she had got pregnant by him and obviously had the child as proof and she was 15 when she had his child)

(must add that this woman had told noone that her step dad was the father and he had fled to another county when she got pregnant, when she heard about the accusations she agreed for DNA tests to be done to prove the abuse)

OMG!! yes bonkerz i see the importance of it now

I told you early in your postings that the advice you had from SS to have counselling/family therapy after the investigation was very important!
If you remember I said it was imperative that counselling at this stage would be crossexamined with a view to ruling it as contaminating the evidence!
Any concerned parent would have picked this up and CHECKED IT OUT!!!!
Why did you let this go unremarked and yet pick up on irelevant (sp) points???

lesson the police have sanctioned the counselling she is receiving at school against my better judgement, as have sw, as i said to you then.......i'm only the mother, what does it matter what i think!!??

as to unremarked, sorry, tried to keep up but bad o2 shit has made it very hard, take the piss out of that all you want but its the way it is!!

You are again retracting what you said earlier, OP.
Reread the posts, the evidence is there!
Check out the info on counselling in court cases regarding contaminating evidence!

lesson, if the school helped the daughter report this, then I would imagine they are also now following police and SS guidelines, they wouldn't just go ahead with counselling, they would know what they can and can't do

Lessonlearned is absolutely right about the counselling issue. I was told the same thing when I went through this. Very upsetting.

My knowledge of these situations is that the parent looses all control because the police and social services take over. It's not about the family, it's about your child.

I have read some, not all. Support your daughter, she's a child and she needs you. She'll always remember this. You may not feel 100% that she's right, this is normal but you have to be there for her no matter what. It may feel like the system's taking over, they will tell you when you can go on holiday, who to tell, they will look into everything. This is so that they can protect your children. Don't fight it, don't get angry, there's nothing you can do except be there for her.

I wish you all well.

lesson i dont understand what you are trying to accuse me of here to be honest. i am retracting nothing
the police said she was ok to continue seeing the school counsellor, whats the issue......im not a brief or a copper, are you? if so stop the sarcasm and give me the advice i came on here for

thank you scrooged

This site is like life. Not everyone will tell you what you wish to hear. There's a mixed bunch, like life, mostly helpful and supportive. Your thread has hit a nerve with some of them, whilst they believe you are doubting your daughter, they will be full of sarcasm.

What was the outcome of the strategy meeting, OP? What agencies sanctioned the police advice to start counselling? That would not be the preserve of one agency!
I already said that sueing the counsellor would be a possibility, but now you suggest a whole multi agency team have colluded with your DH (dear husband) in contaminating your DD(dear daughters) evidence!
I think that if this is the case then the whole ECM agenda will be in the papers as a result!
ECM- Every Child Matters - the legislation following the death of Victoria Climbie in 2000!!!

nope lesson, not had one of those yet, at least not tat i am aware of!!
the police have been to my house and the school, on several occasiojs, it was the bloody school counsellor that too her to interview at police station. they have saod nothing to me about it stopping, and regularly ask dd if she is still seeing the counsellor!! i still dont understand whay you are trargettingme in this??
and no, i dont think anyone at all has colluded with my husband, i think you are perhaps a little deranged!!

we have a CIN meetng this week, thats all i know!

Do you know what's going to happen next?

I have not read through all the posts, there's a few of them so I appologise if I ask a repeat question.

No I am far from deranged when it comes to these matters, OP, and FWIW i am very well versed in ECM directives.
Before the police interview with your DD there will have been a multi agency strategy meeting - now law!!
Safeguarding proceedures will have been agreed in line with 'Working together to safeguard children' procedure and policy.
The recommendations in Lord Lammings report are specific and if you are the DH in question here, clever as you are, you need to keep abreast of current legislation!