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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My daughter has made allegations that my husband in abusing her, I can't find any support on the net. Please help!!!

1003 replies

hurtandworried · 20/02/2009 14:16

My 14 year old daughter has made a statement to the police that my husband has been inappropriatley touching her and making sexual advances towards her. Please tell me where I can get some support around how this is making me feel. I can't find anywhere on the net for this kind of thing.

OP posts:
Molesworth · 20/02/2009 23:55

Please contact one of those organisations HAW. Surely bickering in here isn't helping?

LobstersLass · 20/02/2009 23:55

I'm going to bed in a moment, but I have to say this first.

Your daughter has made allegations about your husband to the school nurse.
She has taken them seriously.
She has called the Police.
The police have interviewed her and are taking her seriously.

You have indicated to your daughter that you don't believe her 100%.

You have said that you don't really want him to go to prison as you think that losing his family is punishment enough.

On the back of this, your daughter is now thinking of dropping charges, YET insisting that her testimony be kept on file.

Do you not think that she is doing this because she thinks that is protecting you, and that is what you want.

She shouldn't be protecting you.

You're her mother. You should be protecting her. Even if you're not 100% sure then pretend! Tell her you believe her and tell her that it's right to press charges. You should be wrapping her up in your arms and making her feel safe. She should be your priority. Her welfare and her mental health. What she needs should come first, not your concerns about your husband being sent to prison.

FFS! (That means For Fuck Sake)

Ronaldinhio · 20/02/2009 23:56

sinister....interesting

Original poster
hurtandworried · 20/02/2009 23:57

no moles but they are really annoying me, why dont they piss off to their perfect little lives rather than sit here all night judging me??????

OP posts:
MollieO · 20/02/2009 23:57

she/he has asked about acronymns but then used others so I'm not sure . I just find the whole lack of support for her dd incredibly far fetched. I doubt this thread will be around tomorrow though. I would wonder if my h lied to the police what else he was lying about. I will never have a teenage dd but ime most well brought up teenagers don't lie to people in authority and if it was done to get attention then why say it happened on more than one occasion?

Ashantai · 20/02/2009 23:57

What i cant understand, is why you are still on here at nearly midnight and you posted your OP at 2.15pm. What is your daughter doing right now?

lessonlearned · 20/02/2009 23:58

It was a correction, HAW, not an apology if you really want to be pedantic!
Which 'one of them' are you referring to? The people who have poured out their hearts, perhaps?

Original poster
hurtandworried · 20/02/2009 23:58

yes lobster and after talking to you wonderful bunch i can really see that now. thankyou very much

OP posts:
Ronaldinhio · 20/02/2009 23:58

It's an internet site, you take what you get on here I guess...but of course you wouldn't know that having never been on here before...would you?

(surveys perfect life, smiles smugly)

Original poster
hurtandworried · 20/02/2009 23:59

oh shut up ronald, go find a victim to bully on victimsareus,com

OP posts:
Ronaldinhio · 21/02/2009 00:00

do you post there too?

Original poster
hurtandworried · 21/02/2009 00:00

shes asleep ashanti!!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
hurtandworried · 21/02/2009 00:01

no ronald i host it!!!

OP posts:
Ronaldinhio · 21/02/2009 00:02

How do you find the time?

Ashantai · 21/02/2009 00:02

Has she been asleep since 2.15? I really want to believe you, but i cant understand why you have been on here most of the day?

Surely this is the time when you need to be with her 24/7, supporting her and trying to be there for her.

I can understand need some time to sort yourself out, but really you've been on your pc for hours now.

coolbeans · 21/02/2009 00:02

Look, it's late - you've been posting for a while. You've had some good advice, some not so good advice and an interesting initiation into MN (mumsnet).

Bottom line is you need proper help to channel this bombshell that has landed into your family.

MN is NOT, necessarily, the place to get it.

It's just a forum on the internet. Listen to those of us who are telling you to go elsewhere for professional, impartial advice. We have your best interests at heart.

It will be the best way to help your daughter, which I know is what you want. Don't get into a slanging match. Let it go. You won't change those who choose to question your story. Rise above it. Find help from those qualified to give it. You are going to need it.

Original poster
hurtandworried · 21/02/2009 00:02

it really doesnt matter what the drunken members think, i am in the mess im in, my daughter is in the same mess. i came here for some support and for the majority i got it so thankyou

OP posts:
Original poster
hurtandworried · 21/02/2009 00:04

she has been with pain bf ashanti, as i said earlier!!
thankyou coolbeans, that sounds like sense!!

OP posts:
lessonlearned · 21/02/2009 00:05

Of course you would take objection to anyone who had taken a sherbert or two on a Friday night, wouldn't you? Particularly if they lied about it!!!
I'm sober BTW (by the way)!
Also surveys my perfect life, from under my hardhat!

LobstersLass · 21/02/2009 00:06

hurtandworried

I hope tomorrow brings you the strength to try and sort some of this out.
Take care of yourself and your little girl.
I really feel for you.

Good night. Hope you sleep.

Ronaldinhio · 21/02/2009 00:07

I'm also depressingly sober although some threads might drive a person to reach for the nearest bottle

Original poster
hurtandworried · 21/02/2009 00:08

good for you lesson, i am impressed. i take no objection to a drink, sat here with a glass of wine myself, i take objection to them joining the discussion and immediatley passing judgement on something they have no background to

OP posts:
Ashantai · 21/02/2009 00:08

Sorry didnt get that bit earlier then, just saw the bit where you said she was in the same room as you, its a huge fast moving thread.

Take the positive advice on here and even tho you need the support too, just realise that your daughter needs it a lot more than you do.

Original poster
hurtandworried · 21/02/2009 00:09

thankyou lobster and thankyou so much for your input

OP posts:
lessonlearned · 21/02/2009 00:09

If you are lying about your sobriety, Ronaldinhio, you can always call on HAW for an alibi!

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