FAB & GLAM PART 9 - DOES IT GET BETTER NOW!!

[macdoodle]

Started new thread guys as needed to post and old one wouldnt let me - sorry if name is bit miserable but thats how am feeling !

The police have just left
It all went tits up tonight - H found out/suspected about NM and lost it completely - was physically abusive and took my phone - best friend called the police!
Has been a hell of a night - long statement - excellent police man - who says should have called them a long time ago - gonna get the domestic violence team to ring me tomorrow - he will be arrested and probably cautioned - he seems really worried it will escalate - has put a marker on the phone for an immediate response, has adviced me to change the locks and go away for a bit if I can, and they will look at putting an alarm in the house
There is still a part of me that feels I am over reacting/is all my fault - even though an experienced police oficer is not happy about the situation!
What a mess my life has turned into

Macdoodle. Im for you all rolled into one! The last time i was on here you were having arough time with xh. Surely the man must realise his put you through enough grief. But his not thinking of you is he his thinking of himself. Bloody selfish!

I know you have 2 beautiful precious dds with him. But that doesnt excuse him to treat you like this. Fab advice from tfm ( waves madly at tfm) ( now theres a way to tighten me bingo wings!) please try and stay strong against him. The stronger you get the more you will see just how weak he is. And that in turn will help you move on. You'll see he isnt the man you first fell in love with and married that man is gone. He needs to know just because you marry someone does not make them your property for life. Your happiness isnt dependant on another. Life is too short to spend it miserable. His your dds father that much needs to be respected but thats it. You have a nm? Then move on and be happy. And if you think you can be happy with nm then you take it. If that makes xh miserable then thats down to him, to then pick himself up and move on with his life. Your not responsible for his happiness.

Im sorry you have been going through this for so long now. You must feel such a heaviness on your shoulders. Have some fun with nm that'll put a twinkle in your eye!!

Dior. Lovely to see you.

Baffy. Are we moving?

Tanee, lilyloo.,happywoman,pc,ginny hellooooooooo

Tfm Helloooo to you too. Being the resident expert of herbally lovelies. And suggestions on some good pain relieving ones? Or even some ' flying with the fairies' ones will do

Ladylush. Many congratulations on the baby.

Am trying to make the page pretty with lots of and

Wily wombat- Hello. Password doc?? I can turn pc on and find my emails and mumsnet. Thats about my limit. lol

Ask the girls wasnt that long ago i didnt even know what facebook was!

Im ok with the relationship threads. At the time it was just to raw for me thats all.

But im back now

LOL Sugarpear - im just fine with the computer but mobile phones drive me mad - totaly hopeless!!

I know what you mean Sugar - i have days when i just want it all to go away - glad though that you are so strong now.

My sad update - H is with is mum now and it is the end.
Her evil husband did not even inform him - he phoned the hospital today to see if he could visit out of hours only to be told she had moved and that they though he had been informed by her h (c*).

So if i am not around for a while that is why

HW - my thoughts are with you and H. Take care and hope to see you soon.

Oh HW that is really . Good that he found out and got to see her before the end. Her H sounds pure evil
Hey Sugar!! Lovely to have you back. Its just like the good old days again with you and TFM on board - we just need Lilybubble and PC back and that's the full set! It must be nearly a year ago that we met up in London. Time to do it again?
MacD - glad to see that you and NM are officially an item on FB. Please post up some photos so we can check him out . Hope H lays off soon, he will when he knows he can't get to you so the longer you can withstand him and avoid contact the easier it will be. that he's putting you through all this. Its so unfair.
I'm off sick today. Got this horrible cold and sore throat and a thumper of a headache so I'm curled up on the sofa under a duvet feeling sorry for myself!

HW for you both

Ginny - deffo time for another meet!

Ginnny, hope you'll feel better soon. Have plenty of hot drinks and watch DVDs. That will do the trick.

Yes, it was March last when we all met. Time for another meetup.

Hi Sugar, glad to see you back. I feel like the Teabags are back on course again - and gathering strength .

My office manager and I went on an assertiveness course yesterday - our idiot boss better watch himself now . It gave me lots to think about and I really think ALL women (and a good many men) would benefit (DP said he'd probably fit into the passive category and needs to learn some assertive techniques too). I told DD that she should suggest it to her school council as an 'enrichments' course. Counteract all that negativity that we're fed from childhood on.

TFM, at many points during the day I thought of advice you've given us. Particularly about remembering that we can't change the person, but we can change how we react to them. I'm working on it .

HW so sorry

Sugar great to see you back!!
Have to say thank god for the few threads like this where mnet is as it used to be. The rest of it astounds me at times!!

Ginny hope you feeling better soon!!!

I am actally meeting with my postnatal group in Feb so might venture to your next meet!!!

TFM you ok ???

Stupidly busy in work so quick catch up.

Macd are you ok? Definitely definitely phone the police if you're feeling threatened in your own home. Get everything logged. It will all help.
Agree with the others too about making sure you let him have his access, but never being alone with him. Look after yourself xx

Sugar, great to have you back So sorry you've been poorly. But wonderful to have another positive story on here after the hell you went through. Great news.

HW, thinking of you and H.
(definitely agree with lilyloo's advice about separating the affair from the every day grind.)

House has fallen through this week I don't think these things ever go smoothly do they. It's now supposed to be next Friday. Am not holding my breath!
More time to save and shop though. Still can't wait.

OW's baby is due next week and sounds like she and H are having murder. Turns out she's finally admitted to cheating on H, even when she was desperately trying to get pregnant by him. Now she's shocked he's asking for a paternity test!
Her dad and NM want to kill H - something to do with the lies she's told about the way H treated her. Her NM has come back after apparently walking out on her last month and now wants H's access to be 2 hours, 2 days a week. And he's not welcome at the hospital when the baby's born and they're not going to tell him when she's in labour! So as you can imagine, H is going mad! And I am blissfully planning for my new home and leaving them all to it

Hi all

No news of MIL - she is a real fighter! H is very loney. I dont think he is prepared for how he will feel though. Not sure i am either.
My mum has also been taken to hospital - nothing so bad - she is diabetic and her sugar levels have been a bit up and down.

But it is another worry i could do without.

On a possitive note Slimming World today and i have lost another 2lbs making a total of 1 stone. Not sure i can see it yet but i am feeling a lot better and it is easy at the moment - probably due to stress.

Lilyloo - how awful about your students suicide.

Oh Baffy bad luck with the house, its never straight forward is it - ive had a nightmare with solicitors every time I have moved, I have this suspicion they make it un-necessarily difficult to justify their fees! At least you are not slap bang in the middle of H's Jerry Springer life now, but good on him for insisting on a paternity test - it could save him and the child a lot of heartache in the future.

Ginny - ive done an assertiveness course, it was highly enlightening...I am firmly within passive agressive I dont want to complain but just fester & fester until it comes out in an undignified mess!!

HW sorry to hear about your MIL, her husband is making an already difficult time even worse for your H

HW - well done on weight loss. I am starting Rosemary Conley tonight as I need some motivation and WW is not doing it. A friend goes too, so I will have a partner in crime as it were!

Hi.
I'm still off sick but feeling lots better now.
Baffy - @ stupid H and his stupid OW. You are well out of it. I think the best outcome would be that the baby is NOT his then he will have no need to see her again and then you will see how much he means what he's been saying lately. Life never works out like that though does it, but as long as you are happy and keeping your distance from the whole awful mess you and ds and baby will be fine. Sorry to hear the house fell through but hope it all goes OK next week.
Hope you are OK MacD.
HW - thinking of you and H and your Mum too. It never rains but it pours! Well done on the weight loss too.
WW you are so right about solicitors. They are a nightmare.
I'm going to do some beading this afternoon. I'm really getting the hang of it now Dior if you are lurking

Ah spotted you there Dior - crossed posts!

PHOTO please Ginnny...

I must inspect!

Hi girls, have had a day delivering LD lit in the rain. Great fun - but office manager made us a great spagbol for lunch.

Wily,did you find the course helped? - it was me did the assertiveness course - I know what you mean about being passive-aggressive to exploding point - that is the danger about being too passive! My father's like that - and so, I suspect, is DP. I just suppress it all and get eczema! Actually, I did a good job of being assertive with a particularly difficult person on the phone yesterday - office staff gave me a cheer when I ended the call (having been SO polite when all I wanted to do was tell him to F** off!

Baffy, I know how you feel about the house delay - but hope it's only a week and not 2 months as it was with us! As for H and OW - well, what goes around, comes around. Hope you can maintain your distance as you have done so far.

HW well done on the weight loss how is H coping with his mum?

Speaking of toxic family, alcoholic sil and her h are hoping to stay with us next week as Cardiff are replaying in London. DD is going to my mum's and I am tempted as I have to work the next day and don't want to be kept up by their screaming like last time -though part of me wants to stay and watch - carcrash TV - and her H was so obnoxious about one of my cats last time that I don't want to leave them alone without my protection (plus I suspect DP will welcome my moral support!)

Sugar, hope your endometriosis is sorted out soon. One of my close friends had it - again, wasn't diagnosed for years and she was SO ill. lost so much weight and was in such pain, we suspected the worst. She eventually had a hysterectomy at the age of 35, went on HRT patches and has never looked back. New lease of life .

Dior and Ginnny, wow, two beaders in the gang now. Ginnny, yes, we want some photos. I think I need to get back to some crafting. I've got out of the habit, despite having several UFOs. Need to do some patchwork. It might help with the slight depression I've had this week (reaction to the positivity of the assertive course, I wonder?) I've been a bit low the last couple of evenings. Told DP I needed some hugs and to be told he loves me. I feel we've slipped into being an old married couple - no real highs or lows, but taking each other a bit for granted. He's not being too bad but I'm feeling very needy - and no more wet patches since our friend's wedding ...

ah well am on rollercoaster I think and I really really dont like rollercoasters at all
After scary games the other night (thanks TFM) - I spoke to my solicitor and this is indeed a sticky legal area - legally he does actually have the right to move back in or come into the house as he pleases
To counteract this would have to get an injunction or non molestation order, and argue AGAINST his access to the house - in fact that may even not be granted (though my solicitor thought it was unlikely) - he did say that he thought this was just more games and manipulation from H and to try and ignore for now - problem is court would take time and he could move back in meantime - if he did I would move out with girls and move into HIS flat which is also in joint names - what a bloody mess!!!
Anyway I then decided to try and be reasonable and not sink to his level and said until formal child access was agreed he could come up and take DD1 to school in mornings which is what he was ranting about !
Which seemed fine (as I have backed down doing what he wants) - so he is nicer and says he wants to talk/not fight/sort it out yadda yadda (heard it all before) - am still being distant but polite - rings tonight to talk to DD1 asks when we can talk and I say tomorrow - cue no good blah blah has to report to police after caution last week - am still polite cue verbal abuse I owe him money for guns, thought I was going to be nice, threats about me stacking shelves, humiliation - put phone down, taken off hook, numerous calls with some nasty voicemails to my mobile which is now off as well !
So as long as I roll over do exactly what HE wants all is fine, but if not then he just flips
Am feeling absolutely emotionally flattened , have so much to do but just cannot muster the motivation to do it, have NM being lovely but here too am struggling to be enthusiastic (though he does make my tum do little flips thats good right )....
Just gotta keep going - why must it be so hard why its really just not fair - I WANT MY LIFE BACK NOW PLEASE

Also am sorry have been totally memememe am coming back in a bit to talk to/about you lot

McD - remember, he is losing it because he knows you are in the right and keeping your dignity. He can't stand that. This means you are winning...

KEEP STRONG! And yes, tummy flips are great where men are concerned

McD sorry he is still being such an arse
Sugar - thanks Sorry to hear you have been so ill, but glad that dp has been very supportive and that things are going well for you
Off to Edinburgh for weekend - leaving tomorrow, back Monday Have a good weekend everyone