FAB & GLAM PART 9 - DOES IT GET BETTER NOW!!

[macdoodle]

Started new thread guys as needed to post and old one wouldnt let me - sorry if name is bit miserable but thats how am feeling !

The police have just left
It all went tits up tonight - H found out/suspected about NM and lost it completely - was physically abusive and took my phone - best friend called the police!
Has been a hell of a night - long statement - excellent police man - who says should have called them a long time ago - gonna get the domestic violence team to ring me tomorrow - he will be arrested and probably cautioned - he seems really worried it will escalate - has put a marker on the phone for an immediate response, has adviced me to change the locks and go away for a bit if I can, and they will look at putting an alarm in the house
There is still a part of me that feels I am over reacting/is all my fault - even though an experienced police oficer is not happy about the situation!
What a mess my life has turned into

ggo luck Tannee - i really am not sure i could have someone else living with us - especially if they are to see 'real british life'.

To be honest, we've hardly seen her so far. She seems very nice, gave us some turkish pastries made by her mother, is an architecture student but speaks very little english - but then, that's why she's here. Didn't see her at all this morning - hope she's ok, but she's added me as a friend on facebook so she can't hate us...yet...

or she is stalking us all tannee.

Roll up Ladies, I have an announcement to make!!

Baby Baffy arrived safely but quickly an hour ago weighing 7lb 12oz. Very fast, no time for pain relief but both doing great

Well Done Baffy!!! xxx

Erm...boy or girl? Name? C'mon TFM, get it sorted!

CONGRATS!!! to Baffy. xxx

LOL! He is a boy, but we have known that for ages!! Baffy found out at the scan and shared the news with us way back. As for his name it's a lovely name but I'm not sure I should post it on here, don't feel it's my place to blab something so personal. I will email you!

well done baffy - as i see we are near the end of this thread we much think of a name for the new babies.

Any news from lush yet?

TFM can you email me too with the name?

Congratulations Baffy!!!!
I bet he's just gorgeous.
Am very

Many many congratulations baffy.

Lots of love xx

Cogratulations Baffy, we all knew you had it in you ! (sorry, that's a VERY old joke!) Hope DS1 is enjoying his new baby brother and we look forward to the photos.
HUUUGE hug to you all!

Hi Ladies

Baffy sends her love and thanks for all of your love and good wishes. She will come and update us as soon as she gets a chance. Would you believe she actually apologised for not having checked in already!!

New baby Baffy is doing really well and Baffy says has a good pair of lungs on him!

Hope everyone is ok. Especially LL, I'm thinking of you, hope you and baby are ok, not seen you around for a while.

xx

Congrats Baffy thanks TFM for mail
lovely name , hope he is an easy going lo !!!

Sorry to rain on the baby parade . Problems with h.

The other night, things about weight got out of hand again. He told me that he had 'been really patient' with me over the issue in the last year. He said that all men are like him and that I should hear some of the things HE has heard from men re fat women. He is worried that I am going to end up like my sister. He loved me as I was when we married.

I am now working up to The Conversation with him. The thing is, I have no idea hwat I am entitled to and if I'll be able to stay in the house. Last time it came to this, I had a part-time job. My parents have offered any financial help I need, but I need to know how to be alright without their help, in case I need to be.

Please help me.

Right! Action stations! First thing, don't worry, you are going to be just fine. You will find the strength to deal with this, you will show him that you can not and will not be controlled and be bullied any longer. You are going to take him by surprise and knock the wind out of his sails! The GIT!!

Could you make a free half hour appointment with a solicitor? Write everything down before you go, all the questions you want answers to so that you don't waste any of the time.

Take figures with you such as his salary, how much you think the house is worth etc. I wonder if you would be entitled to legal aid, in your own right, because you don't work.

Now is the time for the worm to turn!! Don't let him treat you like this. Who the hell does he think he is?? If it were me I would have his bags packed and ready at the door for when he came home. He could find somewhere else to live while things were sorted.

Above all else do not let the fact you are worried or scared stop you from taking action!! We are with you all the way and will help you as much as we can. Lots of love xx

You know wht Dior - he is a fuckwit of the highest order!!!!!!!!!!! I am so so so for you I could just spit !!!
All men are NOT NOT like this - my lovely lovely new DP honestly does not give a SHIT how fat I am (and I am pretty fat at the moment), he says he loves me all the time, calls me sexy , cant keep his hands off me , never ever comments on my weight/clothes (other than to tell me I look nice)/what I am eating/exercise, and actually genuinely looks suprised when i say I am fat and need to lose weight
My lovely best friend has been married for 20 years, she is as big as me, her DH adores her, they still have sex A LOT, he compliments her IN PUBLIC, yes they argue but I dont think he has ever criticised her weight (and she is at least 5 stone more than when they got married), I could give you loads of examples!

And as for being ok, darling you will be more than ok, I promise you, you will manage be happy and thrive, and when you want to lose weight for YOU, then you will!

First step go and see a solicitor, it will calm you down and rationalise things for you!

Please dont let him bully and hurt you anymore!!!

Dior - HOW FUCKING DARE HE.
Not all men are like this. He is saying that to keep you under his control. Not all men are as shallow and controlling as him and you deserve to be loved for the beautiful person you are inside and not be cosntantly judged by how much you weigh/eat etc.
So he's been 'patient' with you? Well give the man a medal . You have put up with so much over the years Dior and its time you stood up to him and moved on.
You will be fine, go to the CAB and check out what your options are.
We will all help you through this.
((((((big un-Mumnsnetty hug for you}}}}}

Oh Dior

I feel so angry for you too.
And just to echo Macdoodle - no not all men are like this - my h (with all his other faults) does not give a shit about my weight either and only tells me i look lovely and sexy ..... And having met Mcd i feel i can say this - we are similar in size (and that is bigger than you dior)!!!!

I know you have defended him in the past saying that he is right that you need to lose weight (and maybe you do a bit - i know i do).

BUT that is not the most important thing in the world - and if is then he really is a complete and utter fuckwit.

He knows you feel bad about your weight and he is repeatdly using your weakness to control and emotionally abuse you. That really is not love is it?

If you need support to sit with you just give a call anytime and if you want some company to visit a solicitor i will be happy to.

But you know what dior you will get through this and see how he has dragged you down - and you wont need our support because you are a fantastic strong person anyway. But we are here anyway .

Thanks girls. I am sitting here in tears now because you are all so lovely. We have been polite to each other since the chat. The next morning, he tried to kiss me goodbye and seemed offended when I gave him 'the cold shoulder'. I need to have the conversation about splitting, but I am really shitting myself about having to leave the house and not being able to afford to live.

I DID tell him that I would rather be alone than be with someone who doesn't love me for ME. He seemed surprised and we have been sleeping seperately for the last two nights.

My choice to sleep apart, not his. He also said, 'I look at your sister and keep thinking that YOU could end up like that'. .

Oh, and I'm NOT strong at the moment. I will need all your support to do this. Sorry to be needy!

Please don't apologise Dior, we are all here for you, you be as needy as you like. You sound to have made a good start anyway, making the decision to sleep separately from him means you have taken some control. Good for you!! His expecting a kiss after he has been so cruel is pure arrogance if you ask me. A kiss is the last thing he should expect, a slap more like

Try not to worry about the unknown. The more you worry about what might happen the more likely you are to talk yourself out of taking action. Just set yourself little goals, i.e tomorrow ring a solicitor and book an appointment. When the appointment is made you can stop worrying about what might happen until you have discussed all your options. I think once you have talked things through with a solicitor you will feel much better.

Meanwhile, zone out from H. Concentrate on yourself and shut him out of your mind as much as is possible. In fact, try to keep out of his way physically too, when he enters a room you leave it. Do whatever it takes to protect yourself emotionally. I don't mean to sound patronizing Dior so forgive me but, you are in a very vulnerable state already with your depression. Don't let him drag you down further. Just look ahead to the wonderful, carefree and happy life you are going to have in the future xx

Stop apologising - that's what we are here for.
You have supported all of us at one time or another -now its your turn.
x

Why would he think you could turn into your sister? - i am afraid i may turn into my mother ffs.
I am sorry to say he is just putting the blame firmly back onto you.
You could turn into all sorts of things but that shouldnt stop hiim loving you now.

Anyone of our partners COULD turn into a nasty piece of work but if we all lived in fear of that we would not have any realationships.

Dior you are a wonderful person - always seemed lovely to talk to .You are talented with your crafts (which i am still in awe of btw - as i cant even trace neatly).

How ridiculous if i were to say 'sorry dont want to meet up with you again in case you really are a nutcase!!!!!?????'

And wrt to how you will manage - you will be fine - it may not seem it when you are trying to work out all the money - but you will be ok.
Take all the help you can and remember we will ask for you help again soon so dont feel bad in anyway for leaning on us now. I for one still have a house of housework you can do for me in return.

Dior so sorry to hear things have turned so nasty with your h.
I am in tbh that he thinks he can reason with you why you should question who you are!
You are a very strong person and you can do this. Esp with the teabags help! Not sure i can be classed as one of them as not around enough but they are fab strong women!!!!!!!

HW thanks for your help on thread , i cannot be as open as you but share the rolled eyes at the opportunity to be young and free and single i'm sure

no probs lilly - was i so open??
But i dont think you are being unreasonable at all and given what you have been through i would have thought he would have been a bit more understanding too. Hope things are ok now though and he has seen that he was just being a bit selfish about it. Let us know how it goes.

Morning ladies

Dior, how are you today? I hope you are ok x

HW how is your mum? Is she home? How are you coping? x

Lily I haven't posted on your thread but I just want to say I agree with HW. If this were me I would tell DH to take everything into consideration i.e finances and make his own decision, a decision that he feels is best for your little family and not just for himself, not lay it all at your door so that he can hold it against you for 'stopping' him from going when in fact you won't be stopping him, you are just being the adult and considering the financial implications. Hope that makes sense. We have got workmen in and I am so tired, my brain is mangled

Hope everyone else is ok? It's pouring down here, only one more trip to school in the rain and then six weeks off!! Yippee!!!