FAB & GLAM PART 9 - DOES IT GET BETTER NOW!!

[macdoodle]

Started new thread guys as needed to post and old one wouldnt let me - sorry if name is bit miserable but thats how am feeling !

The police have just left
It all went tits up tonight - H found out/suspected about NM and lost it completely - was physically abusive and took my phone - best friend called the police!
Has been a hell of a night - long statement - excellent police man - who says should have called them a long time ago - gonna get the domestic violence team to ring me tomorrow - he will be arrested and probably cautioned - he seems really worried it will escalate - has put a marker on the phone for an immediate response, has adviced me to change the locks and go away for a bit if I can, and they will look at putting an alarm in the house
There is still a part of me that feels I am over reacting/is all my fault - even though an experienced police oficer is not happy about the situation!
What a mess my life has turned into

lol at "wizened version of his father"

Hey Tannee!!! A month it is then
Obviously you are handling him just right. By not rising to his silly "selling up" threats he backs down, which goes to prove its not what he wants at all. Next time he does it just say " whatever"!!!
We have trouble dealing with arguments too. DP hates arguing and will not argue back with me. So I shout and yell and its all over and done with and soon out of my system, whereas he will brood and sulk (and drink) and it takes him days to get over it and thinks we should split up. He can't seem to get it that all couples argue and its quite healthy, but its how you deal with it afterwards that makes the difference.
Oh well - another sports day this afternoon. I fancy a jug of Pimms!!!

Lush - glad all is well with baby, you must have been scared after all you've been through so far.
Better open that envelope - put poor TFM out of her misery before she bursts!!

morning all

LL hope lo stays put for longer , that must have been a real shock!

Has B had her lo yet ?

TFM love the new name

McD i am so with you on the lo's being hard work. DD2 would have been my last if she had come first. She is into everything and climbs on everything! Had a real shock last week when i almost ran over her Ginny thanks for your comment was a real

Will try and catch up what i have missed

Hi Lilyloo

Ginnny, our DPs must be twins separated at birth! Enjoy your sportsday and have a Pimms for me

Lush - - after seeing my baby nephew I knew what my BIL will look like when he's 90 (only taller, of course)

Hope everyone's enjoying the sunshine. Seems like a perfect English Summer's Day.

Baby still inside me Still leaking fluid but I guess that will happen now. Feeling ok. No sign of infection. Every day is a bonus.

I was wondering about Baffy as well.

Thinking about you LL and praying baby stays put xx

Hi to everyone, hope you are all having a good weekend. We are

lush are they monitoring how much fluid there is - it may be that just some of the fulid is leaking?
The lots of movement may also be due to the fact that there is less fluid and so you are not cushioned from the kicks as such.
Hope you are getting lots of rest and that baby stays put for a bit longer - each day the risk is lessened - but you probably already knew that anyway.

Mum - is not doing so well again and had a 'funny' turn when i went to visit.
I am feeling very stressed as i feel out of control and want to do the best for her and it seems the hospital is not the right place. My father is not helping and seems to have gone into victim mode which makes me cross too.

I can feel myself getting very angry with everyone again but cant seem to stop myself - h is also getting it in the neck from me. I know i am pushing him away when he is trying ot help but i also feel i want to stay strong and indepedent.

Weather hot and humid here which also doesnt help - the hospital is soo hot.

Hi HW - sorry your mum has taken a turn for the worse . I'm not surprised that you're angry with your dad but remember he is a man and they are a bit crap at these things - especially when their dw is ill. It's like their anchor is gone. I saw dh looking very stressed this past week as he's not used to me being in a vulnerable state.
They are not monitoring fluids. I wish they would. I lost a lot when I was in hospital (first night). I am drinking a fair bit to try and top up as much as possible. I'm seeing the cons. next thursday so I need to compile a list of questions that dh and I can ask. I've been trawling the prem births threads on mumsnet to try and prepare myself a bit. I am still in disbelief a bit that lo will be coming early as ds was so big. I suppose every day it can hang on is better as it will mean less time in hospital and I don't relish the thought of coming home without baby let alone spending weeks apart.

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time too HW. I'm sorry to hear about your mum, it must be very difficult for you. Please don't feel bad for wanting to do things your way, there is nothing wrong with wanting to be strong and independent, just tell your H how you feel and then perhaps he will give you the space you need (without taking the hump! )

Thinking of you too xx

Good point Iamnotabill. I was also going to say that if you tell dh how you are feeling he is less likely to feel shut out. He might appreciate being able to do something practical for you if you don't need emotional support e.g. cooking, cleaning, taking the kids out to give you some space or buying you a treatment etc.

Dh is being really good - which makes it worse in a way. I feel as though i am a different person and its one i dont really like.
Although i do like feeling independent and in fact more and more i feel this.
I know men are crap at being the carers and so i feel i also need to 'prepare' it for myself too if ever i was ill.

Feel i just want to go and join some commune of woman where we will all look after each other - oh i have its called the teabags .
Thanks for listening.

Lush - i think they should do and ultrasound to establish that there are some pockets of fluids at least. Although dont panic too much - the amount of fluid around the baby can be very different in each pregnancy. And although you may feel as if you are leaking loads it may not be enough to cause a problem. I know i had masses of fluid every time. But do take it easy all the same.

Thanks for advice happywoman - yes that makes sense. I would like to know how much fluid is there. I understand how you feel - it's a defensive thing. Also though you may forgive you never forget being badly let down by a loved one and in times when you feel extra vulnerable it makes sense that you would want to protect yourself. You look at the situation with your mum and put yourself in her shoes...........makes complete sense.

yes lush makes complete sense unless you are a man and then it just looks as though you are being an unreasonable bitch giving everyone a hard time. And the awful thing is i know i am being one too - just cant seem to stop myself at times.

Father is still being a bit slow with the being the carer role and just wants someone else to tell him what to do so that he can not take responsibility - aghhhhhh.

Still another week - school uniforms ready, homework done and house - well tidy enough for now roll on the school holidays when i can at least blame them for my lack of drive .

Oh LL am sorry to hear that xx
I am sure you know that this baby is going to come early no matter what you do now it is just a matter of how long LO stays put - the biggest risk is infection - are they monitoring you?? Temp, bloods etc?? they should be, and regular scans and CTG's as well??
Equally though LO will be fine, prems do SOOOOOO well nowadays especially when they are expected and planned - I am sure you have had steroids for lung maturity!
It will be ok but it will be different to DS - am thinking of you loads xxx

HW, am so sorry to hear about your mum xx How is she doing, how are you doing ?? I understand your thoughts of H, think of yourself first and he will follow

Tannee I dont really know what to say, I think you know my feelings.There is only so long you can use depression and alcohol as an excuse for shotty crappy behaviour
He treats you so badly I am sorry, you deserve so very much more IMHO, I think you are amazing!
I am at what he said about DD, IMO thats pretty low, what exactly did he want you to say/do in response to that??
You are so strong, I just think you deserve to be happy and treated like a queen !!

Dior ?? How are you doing, how are things?? I hope I didnt offend with my last post

Ginny ?? How are you, how is P, I saw a FB status update a while back ?? Whats up is it ok now??

Anyone else, anyone heard from Baffy?? Surely she is nearly due now
TFM
Hope everyone else is ok xx

Up and down here !
DP is a star - came down - booked a holiday for us (only Butlins but DD1 is desperate to go, and as he was paying didnt want to take the piss ), surprised me with a lovely birthday present! He is lovely, but am to say that I do get annpyed with him sometimes because he is so lovely - grrr am never happy am I !!!!

XH is an arse!! He came to get DD1 and happened to be the 10min I had to pop out to do a favour for my best friend - so DP was watching both girls - well he lost it and threatened DP, pushed him , then waited for me and threatened me as well - had to get OW (oh yes she had brought him up to get DD1 apparantly that is ok though) out of her car to get him to leave, told her I would call police if he didnt go - actually felt sorry for her watching her trying to pacify him and calm him down, while I had lovely calm supportive DP inside, who was wonderful!! Onwards we go day at a time ....

McD - offend? not at all. Sounds like your h is still being a wanker difficult...maybe OW will see him without the rose-tinted glasses as a result!

HW - sending you a big hug and glass of something alcoholic medicinal. Sorry your mum is not good and your dad is not stepping up to the mark. Can I do anything to help?

Things here slightly better on the depression front. I have an appointment with a consultant in a week. H is 'worried' about me being so overweight as he is concerned for my health. I am incredibly unfit and get so hot in this weather. He has said we can pay for me to have a gym membership, so I am going to look into it this week.

LLush - keep everything crossed - literally! Hope things ok this weekend.

Everyone else - not sure what to say except thanks for all the support.

Bloody Hell MacD! Talk about double standards. He can bring OW to pick up DD with him but you can't have your DP there when he does? What a dick!! DP sounds like he handled it well though. What a star!
DP is doing really well. I think the FB status was when we had planned to go out one Friday night but he started his night out at midday and wondered why I didn't want to join him in the pub at 7.00 when he was off his face . I ended up having a girly night in with my best friend and actually had a better time anyway. Apart from that we are getting on great. His Mum's birthday is coming up and I know that will set him off again but I'll weather the storm as usual
LL keep your legs crossed. Hope lo stays in there a bit longer
Sorry to hear about your Mum HW. Hope she gets better soon.
Dior - how are you feeling? Hope things are improving.
It looks like its going to be another hot week so hope you all enjoy the sunshine.

Dior - we were posting at the same time then!! Glad you are feeling better. Gym membership sounds like a good idea,they say exercise is a good antidepressant.

MacD - what a wanker your xh is. Thank feck he's an ex. I'm prepared for lo coming early but am hoping I might be the exception who hangs on til term - or at least a few weeks before term. I am taking my temp and pulse 4 times a day and so far no cause for concern. I had bi-daily CTGs when I was admitted for 3 days last week - all fine. I am using the doppler at home to check hb (not as good as CTG but better than nothing). I also had FBC and CRP bloods and swab - all normal. Oh and urinanalysis - again normal. What I really want though is a proper management plan with regular scans. That's what I'm going to ask for when I see the cons. on Thursday.

Lush - not sure regular scans are the way to go - yes they do reassure to a point - the main reason i think you should have one is to establish the liquor volume - there are different methods to do this but it is mainly subjective (as is most u/s), so unless you have the scans with the same sonographer each time it may well be more of a worry for you. And even if they do find you have what is considered a reduced amount of fluid you need to know what they are going to do. If your consultant would not do anything anyway what is the point.

Can you tell i get a bit of bee in my bonnet regarding over use of u/s?.

But i wish you were nearer so i could give you peek at what is going on in there - unfortuantely i would have to tell the other teabags exactly what is in that envelope.

Good luck anyway.

McD - so glad NM is still being so lovely - do you think you dont trust yourself to have a good relationship? Or cant trust him fully?, and so you are keeping your defences up?

Hi to everyone else - may well call on you dior for some distraction in the hols - can we meet up in your town sometime?

HW - would love to meet - do you mean WITH kids? Ds would no doubt LOVE that! I know a lovely place where they can run around and we can have civilised coffee and cake...

HW - I suppose I'd like to know that baby is growing ok and that the placenta is working. I read on another thread that a woman went into premature labour or so they thought - if they hadn't scanned her they wouldn't have known that it was a placental abruption. That could've been fatal for her and the baby.

Dior - yes with at least some of mine.

Lush - the trouble with seeing if the baby is growing is that unless you do a series of scans you cannot track the growth. Is there a problem or is it a rogue reading, is your baby naturally on the large/small size. Even doing 2 scans will only tell the growth between those 2 dates and if there has been a problem it may not be detected until at least 3-4 scans have been performed. Looking at the placenta gererally is also subjective and later in pregnancy it is usual for there to be areas of change all over the placenta and calcification too. Placenta previa is unlikely as you are leaking fluid and not blood - and would have been noted on your intial scan.
The other option is to do a doppler - to see if there is a restriction to the blood to the placenta - but again without baseline measurement may not give you reassurance - and again needs to be done with an experienced sonographer who can interprut the readings correctly. These are usually performed if there appears to be a problem with the growth, or if your blood pressure is very high (i expect you feel as if your blood pressure is high anyway!!!).

Not wanting to put u/s out of bussiness but too many of the junior dr use it incorrectly. When i was pregnant with no. 4 and not working at the hospital i was under an dr wanted to send me for growth scans as i appeared large for dates - i argued against it as i knew it was a waste of time - the dr thougth i was being stoppy and made me see the consultant who just backed me up and told the dr off.

But still hoping things are ok for you and i totally understand why you need the reasurances.

Would love to x