FAB & GLAM PART 9 - DOES IT GET BETTER NOW!!

[macdoodle]

Started new thread guys as needed to post and old one wouldnt let me - sorry if name is bit miserable but thats how am feeling !

The police have just left
It all went tits up tonight - H found out/suspected about NM and lost it completely - was physically abusive and took my phone - best friend called the police!
Has been a hell of a night - long statement - excellent police man - who says should have called them a long time ago - gonna get the domestic violence team to ring me tomorrow - he will be arrested and probably cautioned - he seems really worried it will escalate - has put a marker on the phone for an immediate response, has adviced me to change the locks and go away for a bit if I can, and they will look at putting an alarm in the house
There is still a part of me that feels I am over reacting/is all my fault - even though an experienced police oficer is not happy about the situation!
What a mess my life has turned into

Hi everyone, sorry not been around - absolutely mad at work due to holiday leave. I am trying to do ten jobs at once and the heat is oppressing!

Lush - hope things are ok with you now.

Dior and HW, am still up for lunch only I won't have any littlies along

McD - at your XH - well, I can only think OW must be thrilled at the bargain she has got!

All well here again. DP is being very sweet - I think I really called his bluff the weekend before last, and I put it in an email to him too, so he knows I mean business. He can push off any time he wants! Only I've made it clear that if he wants to sell, HE can do all the work. As a result, he has been much nicer to me AND to DD - though she is still avoiding him and will cut him no slack - and why should she! I'm keeping on my guard, and if he shows any slackening, will come down on him like a ton of bricks. He IS a good man, but a seriously damaged one, but thanks to our lovely TFM I am learning to control that damage, I think - and if things go belly up I still know I'll survive, even if he doesn't. At the moment he is being very much the man I want to be with and I am taking every care to keep it that way! He even put out the rubbish last night! A First!

Go Tannee!! That's the spirit.
Silly man - he's so lucky to have you he should be jumping for joy. Still at least he's being nice now ( at taking rubbish out - DP doesn't even know where my wheely bin is!!)

Sorry guys - being quite self-absorbed at the mo. Will catch up when I can.

HW - I went for m/w appt. today. I questioned the lack of plan. She was also concerned so looked into it then told me that the NICE guidelines for management of women with PROM has changed and that's why I wasn't offered a scan or regular checks. Anyway, I had to hang around a while for blood tests and afterwards she called me back. Suddenly everything had changed and I was booked for a scan today. She questioned the rationale with the fetal medicine unit. If the doctor I saw last week had done that I'd have been scanned a week ago. It does concern me that there is so much inconsistency and that you only get action when you repeatedly question plans (it must frustrate the clinicians as well).
So............scan showed extremely little fluid. So little fluid that it was hard for her to see clearly. I am hoping that may mean her measurements are off as baby measuring on the small size for dates - though still within range. Compared with my 22 week scan though there is a substantial difference - which imo is not explained by the PROM as that only happened a week ago. By the way how on earth does a sonographer estimate that baby is a certain weight? Surely that must be very hard to guess. She estimated 2lbs 12 oz.
Most useful was the information that baby is breach - unlikely to turn as no fluids. So I am looking at a C-Section at 34 weeks.
Current plan is twice weekly bloods for CRP and FBC and fortnightly scans. I am seeing the cons. on thursday morning. The dr wanted to keep me in due to the risks associated with prem labour and breach presentation but I requested to go home to discuss with dh and review plan on Thurs. So that's it in a nutshell! What a naughty baby. It surely must be a boy!!

oh LL what a worry for you - must say I am less than impressed with your initial management
I have everything crossed for you and LO - he/she will be a teeny one But perfect I have no doubt xx

Lush - oh it is a worry - they can survive with very little fluid but obviously best not too. And it would be very difficult to see the genitals without the fluid.

The fetal weight is estimated by measuring the circumference of the abdomen at a certain level - which is more tricky with less fluid. There are charts which then tell the fetal weight - the problem is of course these charts were compiled a while ago and often with babies that were at risk anyway so not as accurate as they could be. The weight given would have been as of that moment and as you know in the last few weeks babies can put on an ounce a day! It is usual to do head and abdomen measurements to make sure the baby is growing at the same rate. However with breach babies the head can be a slightly different shape and so accurate measurements can be difficult.
As you can see there are so many variables and the information needs to be looked at in a balanced way it is difficult for the drs to interpret exactly what the results may have shown. Look for problems and you will often find something to worry about . Along with the culture of the nhs to cover their backs because of fear of legal action - and you end up with frustrations all round. One of the main reasons i am glad i am not in the nhs anymore - i am not very good at staying neutral.

The main thing is they are monitoring baby for any fetal distress and will be prepared to go in. But i do understand your frustration at wanting to find out everything that is going on - i suspect the staff are not allowed to say anything much.

Fingers crossed for you and hope you can hang in there for as long as possible.

lush - when you said such a difference from 22 week scan do you mean baby was at upper end of normal range and now is in lower range?

Dont forget we are talking millimetre measurements and as long as the baby is within the range there is nothing too much to worry about. Like i said with different sonographers and different machines and the baby in a different position it is possible to get results that can appear worrying.

The main thing is that on the 2 weekly measurements there is not a change - it is often the abdomen measurement that drops first too. Unfortunately though until you have at least 3 scans it will be impossible to see the trend - which is why u/s is not the best indicator for how well the baby is doing.

Thanks for that HW - very helpful information Yes, I meant that baby was at the upper end of the range in the 22 week scan and now at 29 weeks is at the lower end of the same scale.

LL that's only 5 weeks away hope lo hangs on until then. Nah i guess a girl

glad i can help lush - i have never had any problems with pregnancy so really have no idea how it feels - but i try and listen and learn.
Like i said try not to worry that the baby is not growing as these measurements are so tricky and as a sonographer we get just as frustrated with the drs as they seem to not use them anyway - and will act on other factors. I will put my money on a girl too.

Morning Ladies I hope everyone is enjoying the the lovely weather.

LL I am thinking of you and also hope the little one hangs on for as long as possible. You see, even the baby is in a hurry to open the envelope
Oh, an my money is on a baby!! But, I do feel it could be a little boy. Difficult one this, it would be much easier if we knew what was in that blooming envelope!

How's your mum HW? I hope you are still coping ok.

I have had a text from Baffy and she is fine, just busy with preparation for baby and life in general. She sounds very happy though Baby is due on the 10th if I remember correctly so we are on a countdown now!! Ooh it's exciting, all these baby Teabags. I hope we get to see photo's!! And can we be honourory (sp) Aunties please????

Forget honorary! We are almost flesh and blood now you know!

I joined a gym on Tuesday and had my first session last night. I am going for my induction this morning - in about ten minutes. I am definitely on an upswing in mood this week and the exercise is going to help. It is also making me want to eat less crap, which has to be a good thing!

Well Done Dior!!! Thats brilliant and I am proud of you. You go for it!! You will soon have pecs to be proud of

Yes, LL and Baffy I agree with Dior, we are now dropping the honorary!

Brilliant dior - just wish i had the time to join a gym at the moment.
Mum not doing too well - she seems to be going downhill - and i am not sure she is really being 'cared' for in hospital. She needs reminding to drink and eat and there is never anyone around who is looking after my mum to check this with - i have no doubt they are busy and doing their best but it still makes me so to see her like this.

Googleing all sorts of dementia sites as i am sure there is some there but as with a lot of these type of diseases we could all be sufferers.

End of term tomorrow for us and ds is off treking somewhere exotic (although not jealous as it is camping and you know how much i hate camping).

Also had the most delicious home grown veg last night and even the dc commented on how yummy it was.

Hi to everyone - still enjoying the last few rays of sunshine as it meant to be raining this weekend.

HW - sorry to hear your mum is going downhill Are you getting enough info from the team treating her? Have they tested her cognitive functioning? My friend is a nurse practitioner for Elderly Medicine. I could ask her advice on investigations/management if you like.
Re. scan - you'll be pleased to know that the doctor I saw today did use the info from the sonographer. He also told me the same thing as you - that as long as baby's growth is between the 5th and 95th centile they do not worry about growth. He said the doppler results are particularly important in terms of assessment of growth - and mine were fine.
I have a proper management plan now
Twice weekly visits to the hospital for clinical and chemical monitoring (weekly scan inc. doppler, bloods, fetal monitoring). C-section at 34 weeks unless any sign of infection before that/changes in lliquor/pains in which case delivery likely to be earlier. At my gestation 90-95% babies ahave a very good prognosis at this hospital and baby would be out of NICU and with me within the week. At 34 weeks baby would be with me within hours So I am a happy lady today.

Dior - well done for joining the gym I am sure you will feel better for it. I did when I was going.

TFM - baby has given me enough surprises. I might as well let it surprise me again - so no, I will not be opening the envelope

LL - I know! 5 weeks maximum - not long at all. Yikes. Nothing ready. Room not painted.
Oh well.

TFM - tell Baffy we are asking after her. Glad all is ok.

HW - Keep your chin up and keep well in yourself. If you need to get away at any time, you know where I am x

its all the things i have to juggle that is getting me down - yesterday i spent the whole day doing things for everyone else.
Buying kit for ds for his trip away - watching dd do ballet, get school uniform ready for evening (prize giving at school), then took 2 dds to ballet - grabed some pressies for teachers, visited mum collected dds and then went onto prize-giving.
H is good but he just doesnt understand and wanted to go out for a meal with dc last night (thinking it would help me[hmm[). They are all grumpy from lack of sleep already, the house looks as if a bomb has hit it. H in his usual manner has arranged for builders to be here and there is a thick layer of dust everywhere. AGHHHHHHHH.

There feeling better already - i am off to work today and so h has taken the day off - he can deal with it all now. Trouble is he just does not see it the way i do and certainly does not seem to have the guilt of feeling as though i am slowing sinking under this pile of washing.

At least next week there will be no cries for 'where is my pe kit' followed by me saying 'well did you put it out to be washed?'.

fantastic lush - Glad the consultant backed me up

yes i would love to get more info re.mum - trouble is she is diabetic and poorly controlled - this seems to be the main problem at the moment with her blood sugars running very high - but when they try changing the insulin she goes into a hypo - however she is also on a cocktail of drugs for ?? parkinsons - (i have my doubts she was ever properly diagnosed) But mu has been happy to take this cocktail of drugs and it would be difficult to go back now. so the diabetic team are 'blaming her parkinsons drugs and the neurologists are saying the drugs are not working because of her erratic blood sugar.

Hospital is not the best place but my dad cant look after her well and certainly wont be able to keep her blood stable if the hospital cant after nearly 3 weeks.
The level of care is dreadful though - last night no-one seemed to know what my mum had been up to - the nurses say we need to talk to the dr but what do they know they only see her a few minutes each day? The nurses are very busy and whilst i appriciate the cannot keep tabs on patients all day it would be nice to know if she has been fed and watered at least.

HW - oh dear I'm afraid working as an auxillary nurse on medical wards put me off general nursing. I hated the fact that I was not allowed to feed patients because there was a set routine of washing them at a particular time, checking blood pressure/blood sugar etc. No flexibility at all. One poor man (had Huntingtons)used to get his food put on the table and had no help to eat. Most of the time the fork completely missed his face - let alone his mouth. Food and fluids are basics - if we can't get that right what is the point in nursing? In your mum's case I agree that they need to sort out her treatment and I would suggest that the Diabetic Cons and the Neurologist need to meet to thrash it out. I don't think my friend would be able to advise in this situation because of the confusion with her current treatment. Another problem in elderly medicine in particular is polypharmacology resulting in toxicity causing confusion. It clouds the clinical picture +++. Hope you get some answers soon. It sounds like a case conference is much needed. Could you request one?

Hi everyone, just a quick post to let you know that all is well with Baffy. She is seeing the consultant on Monday and if there is no sign of baby she will hopefully be induced next week. She is in good spirits though.

Hope everyone is doing ok. HW I am thinking of you. And you too envelope Ladylush. I will keep you updated on Baffys progress. Have a lovely weekend everyone xx

Thanks lush - i didnt think that last post of mine worked as new computer doing odd things - found out ds has been using it [angry[.

Been to see my mum again today and pretty much as before she is still going downhill but no-one will take charge. I almost swore at a nurse today who just seemed to think my mum was putting some of it on for attention,
I did demand to see a dr who was surprised at my mums condition (she said she had not seen her like that before) - however i asked if the nurses had not reported how bad she was and it appears that no one is. At least this dr could see just how incapable she was and understood why we feel unable to care for her properly at home.

HW - has anyone suggested a mental capacity test? Can't remember if you mentioned that before.

Lush - i think she needs a mental capacity test - however because of both her conditions no-one is willing to do ANYTHING . Both conditions can cause mental confusion at times and so both teams seem to be playing ping-pong as to why she is like she is. It is also so erratic and there seems to be no real reason for why she is so much worse at certain times - we have tried to link it to blood sugars and to her drug regime and there really doesnt seem to be a clear link to either. but of course the nurses can just pass the buck and say 'well that it the nature of these diseases' but without a clear pattern it is becoming impossible to care for her. If we knew her 'down time' was afternoons say we could plan for that.

The only good thing is that she is there and until they do manage to get her stable they will not be able to pass her onto anyone else. Its nearly 3 weeks now that we keep hearing the same things ' oh thats unusual we would expect xyz to work...' YES thats what we have be saying for the last few weeks too and getting nowhere except a sore head from banging it against a wall.

Anyway thanks again everyone for listening to my rants.

HW I am so sorry to hear this I can imagine how stressful and frustrating it is I hope you are trying to look after yourself a bit too!
I cant really advice without knowing a bit more though this is not unusual in hospitl medicine - is it your aim to get her home with your dad or are you considering a home ??
Please feel free to email me am happy to make some suggestions if it would help or vene just be an understanding friendly ear

Fingers crossed for Baffy - ooh, so exciting, makes me feel quite broody - also for LL and your little unopened envelope !
Up late due to watching my secret vice - Upstairs Dowstairs - made me almost cry. We have our first foreign student of the year today. Young Turkish architecture student with very basic english - guess she feels as nervous as we do but it will pay for a new shower - ours broke last week. I do rather miss losing 'my room' for the next 4 weeks. I didn't realise how much I'd made it my own until I had to move all my stuff out of the drawers!