'You've put on weight' he said...

[Rubbell]

So after a great night out with my boyfriend of nearly 4 months, he looks at my seriously and says - 'Rubbell...I've got something to tell you. You've put on weight.'

Thud.

Ok so I know I've put on a few pounds over Christmas. But I am 5'7 and still getting into a size 10!

So the question is ladies is this otherwise perfect, exceptionally gorgeous and kind man completely out of order?

What was his point? Seems bloody rude, for starters.

Yes. Ask him if someone got him misogyny lessons for Christmas. It's a nasty, toxic, insulting thing to say - from a partner it would ring 'probable abuser' alarm bells.

Yes, was there some point to this observation?

I would say to him " you know the other night when you made that comment, well you really hurt my feelings" and see how he reacts. If he laughs at you then tell him he is insensiitive. I would be upset too if someone told me i looked as though i have put weight on. Plus who hasnt after xmas?

Has he got much experience with women? If he has and he's saying this after 4 months, alarm bells are ringing LOUDLY. If he hasn't, i hop he is shortly to learn why this is an unacceptable thing to say (and apropos of nothing) to someone...

Or you could say "rubbell bf.... I have something to tell you.... your willy is small!"

well he said it scared him because he's seen the girlfriends of other friends of his get start off slim and get really overweight...

He said he fell in love with the whole package...

Sorry, but he sounds like an arsehole

He said he fell in love with the whole package...

... which is bound to evolve over time - how will you go grey.

Ask him how he would expect you to react if he goes bald, or grows a belly ?

meant to say - how will he react when you go grey ?

Run like the wind! I had the exact same thing after 3 months with my ex, and didn't listen to my gut instinct. Cue seven years of criticism and self-esteem crushing hell. When I look back, the point at which I should have got out was when he said that- would have saved a lot of heartache.

Nooooooo this is awful! This is the thin end of the emotionally controlling and abusive wedge. Absolutely not on!

Ha! Was going to say as spooky charlotte...

'That's funny. I could have sworn your willy was much bigger than that. Oh no, god, I'm really sorry. I was getting you mixed up with ...." (insert name of hunky ex /or just random hunk ...here)

I'd poke him in the belly and tell him you'd noticed he was getting flabby but had the good manners not to say anything!

SpookyC - i wish I could say that but it's huge...

it really did upset me and we have talked about it. He is really sorry that he said it in that way but still maintains that seeing me put on weight has worried him...

Plantsitter - he has had other long term relationships.

Tbh, I'm not sure whether to applaud his honesty or be mortified.

he put the question to me: if he put on loads of weight would I just sit back and let it happen or say something? I suppose I would say something - BUT in a more sensitive and subtle way...

LOL! So his love will just switch off every christmas when you indulge yourself?! My partner has said similar "If you got really fat I'd leave" but when it actually comes to fluctuations in weight he is very supportive. He never comments negatively if I gain a couple of pounds (Cos be realistic, its hardly astho you have gained 4 stone over crimbo is it). If I complain about being worried about being bigger he helps me with exercise ideas and healthy eating.

Does he sit there and inspect you everytime for signs of weightgain? Whats next will he tut and sigh every time you put anything other than a carrot stick in your mouth?

Not worth it imo, if thats the way he is going to react.

Rubbell, you are 5'7" and a size 10. That is slim by anyone's standards.

not nice to hear from any one but from your BF
i would not be impressed
what did you say to this remark

Who hasn't?

I think this is odd. If you had been married a long time and you had put on stones and he was concerned about your health it might makes some sense. But not in these circumstances.

We do get older/fatter/greyer/saggyier that is just life. Alarms bells for me I'm afraid. I would have a chat about expectations and if he thinks you will forever remain the same as the day he met you then I would leave, no one can live up to that.

So, he says that he fell in love with the whole package, which means that if you gain weight, he'll dump you?

Why was he worried if you gain weight, unless he's a terribly superficial man....

A very odd comment to make, especially that it "worries" him. Would set alarm bells ringing with me, tbh.

sorry just caught up with other bit
guess it's a case of us women having more tact
but then lots of women are fairly tactless too

Yes, but you'd say something because you might be worried he was depressed or that you were both eating unhealthily/drinking too much etc., not because he didn't match your exacting standards. Honestly, take a break from this one and have a think. I really thnk he will turn out to be the kind of partner that makes you feel like a hamster on a wheel running to meet his approval. Don't do that to yourself...

'and you've gone right down in my estimation, I said'

continue as to how you feel

prat