'You've put on weight' he said...

[Rubbell]

So after a great night out with my boyfriend of nearly 4 months, he looks at my seriously and says - 'Rubbell...I've got something to tell you. You've put on weight.'

Thud.

Ok so I know I've put on a few pounds over Christmas. But I am 5'7 and still getting into a size 10!

So the question is ladies is this otherwise perfect, exceptionally gorgeous and kind man completely out of order?

techpep..... I refer you back to my previous post! Worked for me.

When my husband and I got engaged I was the largest I'd been (admittedly still not massive but a bit too wobbly for my liking), I dieted before the wedding (so I didn't have to buy new clothes for the honeymoon) and now 4 months and no exercise later (in getting married I acquired a son, plus my husband is studying so I lack free time if I want food and a hygenic house), I'm back to what I was before I was engaged. My husband's response to my 'I'm getting fat' was 'no you're not, you're getting more curvey. But you're never happy when you're not exercising so how about I worry about food and lunchboxes on Monday night whilst you go and swim'. A much better (and more supportive) way to get your partner to be slimmer and happier than telling me I've put on weight and that implying that I've changed because my body has.

I am not going to tell you how much weight I've lost, suffice it to say it is not far short of a female not much smaller than the Op and i still have a way to go. When i met my DDDH I was very slim, about the same as the OP is now. Over many years, I more than doubled my weight. Many reasons, but won't go into them now. During all that time, my DH never once moaned at me to lose weight or told me I looked fat ( which I undoubtedly was) or ever called me names, fatty or otherwise. I have tried many times to lose weight without success, but this time, thankfully, it is working. The decision to try to lose weight has always been mine and never once has my DH criticised my weight. He is incredibly supportive of me and even when I tell him how ashamed and embarrassed I have often felt about my weight he still always tells me that he loves me for who I am, not my dress size. As I said, i still have a way to go, but he is always telling me how much he loves me and my body, whatever size it is. His actions show it as well, lots of bum grabbing, lots of great sex etc. No way would I be happy to be the size you are now and to have been called fatty, even in jest, because from both your comments, it is clear that you were quite sensitive about putting on some weight. Your BF sounds like a complete pillock afaiac!

so nice to hear of excellent dps like Amy's and sayit's.

we. it's a bit more than just honesty isn't it, Kerry?
The current MsPan is putting weight on a bit, partly through a sort of 'ease in life' she tells me she is feeling. If I were 'honest' I'dsay "MsP, you are beginning to stack the weight....". But I know she isn't in a mindset at the mo. to do anything about it, and WILL feel harassed. Sooo, I do the thoughtful thing and wait until she is a bit more motivated, and pick up on her cues about weight control.
Having said all of that, she is a Class A person, and carrying extra weight is as nothing comapred to this.

The problem comes when teh wife or husband doubles their body weight, nothing is said and the slim one goes off and finds a lover though. Just because someone doesn't point out their partner is obese doesnt' mean they're happy with the weight gain.

I know there are some men who are like that Xenia, thankfully my DH isn't. Just because he never made me feel bad about my excessive weight doesn't mean I was unaware of it myself: how I looked and how it must have hurt him to see me ike that. What I was trying to say was that through it all, the unsuccessful afforts at dieting, the upset I felt when it always seemed to fail, the low self esteem I felt when I then seemed to pile on even more weight, he supported me. If I was dieting he tried to help me, if I wasn't dieting he still loved me and let me know that by his words and his actions. He has been my absolute rock and I know that I could never have achieved what I have now done if I felt for one minute that he would have gone elsewhere for love/sex, just because I was overweight. I am sure it happens, but I do believe that maybe it would have happenede in those cases regardless? Maybe I am just lucky.

I am a bit surprised by the nature of your post, Xenia. As sayit indicates, there is much much more to a successful partnership and attachments than weight issues. Yes, I do believe a partner has a responsibility when their other half is gaining weight and is miserable with it. But timing is everything in most things, as in this. You are, remarkably for you, stating the obvious re the pitfalls.