Okay.
1st things 1st. I am going to get completely slated but I am willing to listen to mature replies and not just a bashing although I'll take that on board too.
My story...I have asked Rubbel if I can reply...
I will actually stand by what I said but not how I said it. And I have apologised to my Gf. The fatty comment was only said in jest as Rubbel was the 1st one to say it in jest so I was just playing with her in the same way and I whole heartedly didn't mean it, she had laughed previously and I thought we were on the same joking page...She is not fat and I do not think she is fat and never called her fat.
I have felt that she has become extremely comfortable with me, which is a good thing but what has worried me is to see this happening over the months, Rubell complaining she has put on weight, me telling her she still looks great but her not actually doing anything about it. This is what has worried me and I have talked to her about feeling that she has been taking me slightly for granted because due to the situation I am always there for her and have felt because of this she hasn't needed to try so hard...Being comfortable is great, but that does not mean at any point you don't have to try, that is for both parties...
What Rubbell is failing to say and I am going to get kicked in the arse for this too, that it's not just been over xmas and that is not the reason for saying it.
It is a sensitive issue and I am sensitive in the oppposite way. There is no way to talk about the subject and exactly the same for me, no matter how someone would mention my way I would become very sensitive to it but I would probably know it and want to do something about it but may need that kick.
I was like a bull in a china shop but the difference I feel with woman or just not an idiot like me is, they have clever ways of changing their man, taking them shopping, picking out things, I think you probably know what I mean. They can do it in a much subtler way as I probably can too...
I hope with my GF we can always talk about anything we feel and yes, there is a correct way of going about it.
I do wonder if all these repsonses are from women tho. I know very much so it is a very shallow and superficial comment and way to think and be but on other websites with the same topic you will find different responses, which I have looked at to get opinions and to see how it was discussed initially because I realise what I did was completely insensitive. I didn't do it to make my GF feel bad or to belittle her or lower her self esteem.
We have both done things over the months that aren't great for each other but we are telling each other what is and isn't acceptable. Maybe some things she has done that I could mention here others will say get rid of her too and I have also felt certain things that she has done hasn't been respectful or right but we've talked about these and if I do anything I am willing to listen and change if it's for the better.
Now. If your man, when you 1st met him advertised himself as this person who was fit, worked hard e.t.c and then 3months+ into the relationship you had fallen in love, would it not alter the relationship or how you felt about him slightly if he just slumped into a sloth that quit his job, put on weight consitently over the months and watched daytime tv, living off social. If he didn't change his ways, I am sure you wouldn't want to hang around and Im sure you would either say something or just leave without actually saying something...
Unfortunately. Shallow or not, this is something that worries me. I am being honest and now open for a bashing. I do want my GF/wife to look good for me and I want to look good for them to and be a good provider e.t.c. Everybody puts weight on different attrributes on a relationship e.g things you do and don't want. Going grey is natural and putting on weight is natural too and I am of course willing to accept it but to see these signs at the start of a relationship when both parties normally want to look great for each other, did worry me.
I am not saying I look great at all, so I hope you get what I mean...It is great that it has become comfortable but maybe it is too much too soon for me.
We are building a relationship. I am not perfect and neither is she, but we are working together to be the best that we both can be for each other. There is a lot I am learning from her to become a better person and my tact is definetly one of them.
I more than probably have not got my poing across but I'll see what this brings...