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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

'You've put on weight' he said...

159 replies

Rubbell · 12/01/2009 12:29

So after a great night out with my boyfriend of nearly 4 months, he looks at my seriously and says - 'Rubbell...I've got something to tell you. You've put on weight.'

Thud.

Ok so I know I've put on a few pounds over Christmas. But I am 5'7 and still getting into a size 10!

So the question is ladies is this otherwise perfect, exceptionally gorgeous and kind man completely out of order?

OP posts:
TheOneInQuestion · 12/01/2009 15:29

Okay.

Not saying this is the situation.

But if your GF was out with you and her and say some of your friends and your GF was outrageously flirting with men to the point of being completely innappropriate. Would this not be considered disrepspectful to a person...

Molesworth · 12/01/2009 15:29

well said spicemonster

BitOfFun · 12/01/2009 15:30

Oh god, GET OUT Rubell, NOW!!!

Notreallycutoutforthis · 12/01/2009 15:31

QuestionableOne - why are you saying that if you're 'not saying this is the situation'?

TheOneInQuestion · 12/01/2009 15:33

What I am saying is.

The fact that I used the word disrespectful to me is a big red flag.

I am trying to give an example of disrepectful behaviour to your partner.

Thats is unnaceptable and disrespectful behaviour.

TheOneInQuestion · 12/01/2009 15:33

Sorry. Using the word disrespectful, someone said is a big red flag...

Notreallycutoutforthis · 12/01/2009 15:35

And whether you are a big red arse or not, it doesn't sound like you two are at all good for each other...

thumbwitch · 12/01/2009 15:35

oh fgs, neither of you is right for the other.
If she is flirting with other blokes under your nose, then she is either trying to teach you to pay more attention to her or she doesn't care that much about you.
You clearly are not going to stay with her if any part of her "package" slips, so trot off and get yourself a nice WAG type GF who will spend all day making sure she is groomed to perfection all for you.

Molesworth · 12/01/2009 15:35

Are you saying that this is the way your gf has behaved?

LiffeyMermaid · 12/01/2009 15:36

five 7 and only size ten!? You sound like you are slim and healthy.

Does he have such a perfect body?

Notreallycutoutforthis · 12/01/2009 15:37

I'm leaving this thread - don't want to be involved in such a dysfunctional relationship even at this remove

Notreallycutoutforthis · 12/01/2009 15:37

Think he sounds like an arse idiot though

Idrankthechristmasspirits · 12/01/2009 16:00

this is bollocks. 4 months together and you are talking about weight issues, being taken for granted and showing disrespect?

At this stage you should be at it like bunny rabbits and getting squiffy over a few glasses on a school night.

As for the having to ask her to pay you some attention when you visit; she has two children you muppet. She has no time for herself let alone you!

re the paying for things; again SHE HAS TWO CHILDREN! Her responsibilities are greater than yours, either get used to it or move on to someone who will be happy for you to behave in this manner.

Dior · 12/01/2009 16:00

It sounds as if you have too many differences, even at this 'young love' stage. My sincere advice (if you are for real) is to split and both find someone else.

Original poster
Rubbell · 12/01/2009 16:08

Back from school run now. Didn't really expect this to turn into this

Not a troll I assure you, am a old Mumsnetter of the past 5yrs or so (er proof: fanjo, bucket crouch, mooncup, judge flounce, etc etc)

Not really comfortable with all of this being discussed in such detail. I would just like to say thanks to everyone for their advice. I really appreciate the time you've taken to reply.

OP posts:
thumbwitch · 12/01/2009 16:10

if you didn't want to be so exposed Rubbell then your bloke spilling all on MN might give you more of a hint as to whether or not you want to carry on with this.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 12/01/2009 16:15

rubbell

I have to ask how did you think it would turn out?.

I guess you will not return to this thread you started. A pity. I am sad for you if this man is all you think you deserve. His words, if they were indeed written by him, have red flags all over them.

Love your own self for a change.

TheOneInQuestion · 12/01/2009 16:16

Well.

In answer to that. Rubell did tell me she had changed her username,so I had assumed she was completely annonymous as am I.

LiffeyMermaid · 12/01/2009 16:19

theoneinquestion Just read your post.

ALL about defending your position, nothing that reassures us that you really love rubbell.

Being honest is not a licence to be cruel. Being honest is over-rated. There is such a thing as pointless honesty. And there is also such a thing as unrealistic notions of how a women looks.

At five foot 7 and size 10/12, your gf is slimmer and taller than average. But instead of allowing her to feel good about that, you're making her feel she should be thinner?

WHY???? to conform to some pornographic notion of the female form???

Your girlfriend wasn't put on this earth to pander to your notion of female perfection.

You sound quite ugly on the inside tbh, and I completely second the posters who advise 'whole-heartedly' that you run for the hills.

My controlling and critical x was like this. Had I ever thought about getting a brace, going blonde.... The fucker never appreciated, valued or 'got' the real me, the ME on the inside.

Let her go and meet a man who loves women. Not a misogynist who loves a pornographic ideal.

LiffeyMermaid · 12/01/2009 16:23

ps, what's this guy even doing on MN??

This is the sort of thing my controlling, critical x would have done.

Lurkinaround · 12/01/2009 16:27

Get rid of him. Put you and your children first. Someone will come along who will accept you for who you are and understand that your children come first.

I love the way he refers to your children as a 'situation'. Lovely.

Dior · 12/01/2009 16:28

It's possible that Rubbell told her bf what we had said and he wanted his say. Either that or he is REALLY controlling .

TheOneInQuestion · 12/01/2009 16:33

LiffeyMermaid

I came on here because I do have a right to know what ppl were saying, to defend myself and take on board the opinions. There has been 1 poster on here slightly defending me.

Rubbell. Told me she posted. I asked if I could see and respond thinking it was entirely anon. We have a good open (I think) relationship and talk and share things and she knows I love her and I show her I do, occasionally puttin my foot in it.

Now. If I was to read the same thing, I might have the same opinions as others and also tell them to run for the hills.

I have posted things on other forums for ppl to tell me certain things too.

Nobody is perfect but what makes a difference I think and hope is that I listen to her about things I do that upset her and I am trying to work on them and it is the same for Rubbell.

Neither of us are perfect but we both want to be with each other. There have been things that other men have said to her that I have said to but I am willing to work with it and no doubt other woman may have thought the same thing about me to, but I am willing to work on it...

chipmonkey · 12/01/2009 16:33

Hear, hear, Liffey!

Rubell, what I wouldn't give to be a size 10 and 5 7". And even a size 12 is very slim at that height.

It sounds to me as if 4 months of this is enough!

Clarissimo · 12/01/2009 16:33

Oh gawd we've ahd this on MN before haven't we?

Never ends well

It's a four month relationship Rubbell, a fledgeling. Now is time to bail I suspect.

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