He followed the script!!!

[shockedandawed]

Namechanger.

First he didn't recognise the number and didn't know her. Then maybe she was trying to blackmail him. Then she was blackmailing him but nothing happened. Then I found the text messages and..... you guessed it, it was just a kiss(or three) that never meant anything and when he told her it was over she went psycho and threatened to tell me. He swears they never slept together. Says he loves me and the DDs doesn't want to lose us etc.

Begged me not to read the texts, begged me not to call her (he even disconnected the line into the house ). I called her number and she denied knowing him. I sent a text from his phone saying "Please don't tell my wife. Don't call, text me" and she sent 7 back saying she loves him and he loves her and she doesn't care what I think because they are together.

He works abroad, she lives there. I found out because I had a haunch (I guess it's true thata a wife always knows) and she called me but hung up. Going for full STI screening tomorrow. Calling my solicitor tomorrow. Then I need to wait and see how I feel I guess. Right now feel like I'm watching a movie. Any advice gratefully received.

Shocked, I feel for you. What utter twats these men are, risking their families for what? Well we all know what. My eldest son said to me on discovering his father had been having a relationship with his 'colleague' 'Is he mad? Risking all this (meaning his family, job,etc) for THAT? Wise words from a young man who I hope does not turn out to be anything like his father.

Jeez, you have to block her number or as Custy says, change yours, although that is a PITA.

so true shoptilidrop, can't change their behaviour but you can control how you can deal with it and what you want from the future.

dhreadmythread, how are you holding up today?

Whats his reaction been to it?

freshhell, I just wanted to say that that pain about being a single parent family instead of the tradional unit you started out in, that pain goes away. You're not going to feel this 'broken family' thing for the rest of your life! I promise you1!! I felt it quite accutely when I first becamed a single parent, not I never think of it. We are a hppy family of three now, and the x is still driving his porsche round the block, or something like that1!

I agree about the lies. My x lied to me about money and about how he felt and what his plans were. He would get irritated with ME if I didn't believe the bullshit., I was a harridan for sniffing bullshit. In his eyes, it was his perogative to fob me off.

mermaid - exacally the same, he would get really really angry when i pointed out, or wouldnt belive he lies, he was lying all the time, abut small things too.... if i had evidence to prove otherwise, why would i believe him.........

I think the thing with the single parents thing, theres a lot of stimga attached, pre coneceptions and feelings of failure... thats the hard part i thiunk.

Yes, when freshhell and shockedandawed are ready, they should come and join us on the lone parents board. If David Cameron read the posts on that board, and the resourceful, resilient, positive women who are all getting on with their lives, all happier, their children all happier, he'd choke on his Earl Grey!!

One girl made me laugh recently when she said that even the dog was happier since her xh left!

A lot of the ishooos about single parent families are actually merely poverty issues; all unfairly laid at the door of single parents.

I refuse to take the blame for things which have nothing to do with my family (of 3!).

I have no difficulty holding my head up now. ALthough 19 months ago I skulked about, even felt unable to face happy couples and so on..

People often tell me they wish their sister/friend would kick out her wanker/loser/philanderer/drinker husband. I feel I have people's respect, even if I don't have a husband and a huge house and car.

Aww shocked, please don't let the 'stigma' of being a single parent affect your decision of how you are going to deal with this, please don't.

I found once I became the single parent, friends and family around me actually dropped their misconceptions. Besides which I don't think in this day and age one can have stereotypes of single parents, take mumsnet, we've got Xena who owns her own island (I swear I read on a thread she did), we have all of us who are doing our damndest to give our children the best we can from all ends of the social spectrum, all of us trying to live happy, fulfilled lives the best we can inspite of our ex's.

Take things one day at a time, and make sure he does sign whatever is possible over to you.

Don`t give her a dime

As for money for am abortion tell her you don^t believe her and when (if she is pregnant)she has it you will want a DNA test

She can make as many demands as she wants she isnt getting it What she going to do???? She canmake your h do something he does`nt want to

Maybe think of a court order against her

I take it your in the U.k with h
and shes in the states

Tell her to Fuck off

You just focus on you and your littleones

BUT please don`t give her anything

shocked, did your dh use a condom ?

< wrings hands and prays to God he did >

the trouble is, I don't think you can trust what he says, even if he swears he did

did you say you were going to get a STD check?

book an appt today

and for God's sake don't sleep with him

Hi shocked, thanks for asking. I am okay, been with friends this morning - one person knows all about it. Havén't told anyone else, I don't know why I cán't bring myself to tell anyone.

He has gone to live elsewhere for a month - to "think things over" I am glad he's not here as I couldn't bear to look at him.

I am driving myself mad over the thought of him with this OW, she lives down the road, a friend - our daughters are in the same class, I'm wondering if I should confront her at all?

I Can't believe this woman has the nerve to ask you for money shocked- do you think she really is pregnant?

I'm in the states, she's in Africa. I now have to change home and mobile nos. I've had to turn my phone off cos she seems to think it's my job to pass her messages on to H. 15 calls and 8 texts in the last 2 hours - to my mobile. I know he's a total idiot but I also know that he wouldn't have been stupid enough to give her my number. I've told her to fuck off and leave me alone.

so how did she get your number! :O

I know she's not pregnant - it's about the money. She said on the phone she needed it for the termination and a little extra for the drugs afterwards just like the last time, so I think she does this for a living.

As to whether they actually had sex or not and if so whether he used a condom or not I don't know. He said they slept in the same bed but didn't have sex. Unfortunately I don't seem to have an instinct on that one.

I'm so glad I trusted my instinct because I suspected when he was home in November but didn't have any proof (or any rational reason for suspicion) so I played the waiting game. Then while he was away it was like I felt it in my bones - hard to explain. Then OW called my number and I knew then as soon as I heard her voice. I waited till he got home to confront him as I wanted access to the evidence.

FWIW I think he's been had, but he chose to get involved with her so he's brought this on himself. I got him to send her a message from his phone saying he knew she wasn't pregnant, I'm leaving him and he's losing his daughters etc. she wouldn't be getting any money. She then tried to call me to "explain" about their relationship and convince me she's pregnant so I told her good luck with the baby, I wasn't interested as I'd kicked him out and to STOP FUCKING CALLING ME. Now she's calling his phone (which he's given up to me) every 2 minutes. She'll eventually give up and send a text so I'll see what she has to say then. Maybe then I'll find out if they had sex or not.

Off to the clinic in 1hr. That's the bit I'm scared about.

I think she got it from his phone without him knowing. I suspect when she called it was to confirm that I was his wife. Unfortunately I "knew" already but didn't have any proof.

I just want her the fuck out of my life so that I can properly process what it is I'm feeling.

aww, hugs manly pat I hope the clinic people are nice.

Have only read the first page.

My husband had an affair - when confronted the story changed from 'just a kiss' to 'some kisses' to eventually the whole shebang.

We talked (it was a hellish week, I'm majorly summarising here) and talked and we agreed to give it another go. I don't regret it for a single second. Although he was a shit to do what he did (and I think about it often, although not with the same bitterness obviously, this was 5 years ago), I can honestly say that if this had not happened, our marriage would be over. It shook up the marriage and made us look at things that were going wrong.

Sorry, shockedandawed, I haven't read all the details, but seriously, we must all make our own minds up - every situation is different. BEST OF LUCK x

good luck at the clinic shocked

are you forcing asking him to undergo this delightful experience too ??

AnyFucker - I wasn't suggesting for a moment that shockedandawed should demonize OW. The complete focus for her fury should most definitely be her H. He's the one who has betrayed her.

But she does sound like a psycho bitch from hell however you look at it and yes I'd say she's done this before and has probably been paid to go away and have a 'termination' by countless cheating twats.

Doesn't excuse his despicable behaviour though one little bit.

sorry techno, slight knee-jerk reaction from me to you there

subsequent descriptions of her behaviour do point to her being an absolute fanjo-from-hell

I see you get my point however, that thoughts like this must not divert attention away from his reckless dalliance

In RL, I have seen the OW painted as a mental bitch, when in al honesty, she was a victim, just like the wife

How'd it go at the clinic Shocked? Please tell me your arse of a husband is getting checked out too...

No worries AnyFucker - agree completely it's his behaviour the OP should only consider.

I don't have much experience of affairs but in my limited experience of friends in this situation the OW has scuttled away fairly quietly when the affair has been discovered - apart from one occasion when the fiance left to be with her. This seems like a sustained extortion campaign. Absolutely vile.

I cannot believe the fucking indignity I've just had to go through. Oh, he had to come too. The look on the nurse's face said it all... "I wonder who's been cheating". I really just want to put his head through a wall right now and beat him to a pulp.

She is still sending texts demanding all sorts. I can't believe he's done this

Oh Shocked. I'm so sorry he's put you through all this. I've been thinking of you today, can't believe what idiots some men can be. My heart really feels for you - wish I could help put your shattered heart back together.
Keep strong.