He followed the script!!!

[shockedandawed]

Namechanger.

First he didn't recognise the number and didn't know her. Then maybe she was trying to blackmail him. Then she was blackmailing him but nothing happened. Then I found the text messages and..... you guessed it, it was just a kiss(or three) that never meant anything and when he told her it was over she went psycho and threatened to tell me. He swears they never slept together. Says he loves me and the DDs doesn't want to lose us etc.

Begged me not to read the texts, begged me not to call her (he even disconnected the line into the house ). I called her number and she denied knowing him. I sent a text from his phone saying "Please don't tell my wife. Don't call, text me" and she sent 7 back saying she loves him and he loves her and she doesn't care what I think because they are together.

He works abroad, she lives there. I found out because I had a haunch (I guess it's true thata a wife always knows) and she called me but hung up. Going for full STI screening tomorrow. Calling my solicitor tomorrow. Then I need to wait and see how I feel I guess. Right now feel like I'm watching a movie. Any advice gratefully received.

Shocked - I've been following your thread since last night and am in awe of your strength! As to the OW deciding they're not finished - if she is harassing you then tell her you'll report her to a. her workplace or b. the police - depending on what the nature of the harassment is and which you think will give her the best wake-up call. How dare she!

Am a lurker.

In my experience of men, I have met few who would put up with being harrassed if they thought they were going to loose house and home and family and finances because of it. Let alone harrassed by a woman. That man would surely be someone in an abusive type relationship and have deep issues. Most men [gross generalisation] would be very able to clearly defend their territory were it to be attacked by a 'harrasser'. I'd expect my dh to actively repel any attacker of our family, be s/he flirt, mugger or lion!

From the strength courage and wisdom shown here doesn't sound like these dc's will live in 'broken homes' but homes containing powerfull female role models.

Ohfeck, Shocked & Shoptil I just wanted to say how sorry I was to hear your stories and how full of admiration I am for how you are coping.

A lot of the posts here are worrying about the kids and the effect something like this has on them. I was 8 when I first found out my dad was having affairs, parents separated for year, then got back together when he promised he'd changed, and you can basically repeat that pattern until I was 16 when she finally kicked him out for the last time and he stayed there. I remember in detail all the shit that went that situation - the fights, tears, tension, my mum's constant doubt, my dad's blatant lying. There is absolutely no doubt that affected me growing up (whole other post!)and I would not wish that on any child.

While making the break now may be absolutely heartbreaking and yes, it may have an effect on your kids, it is nothing compared to the long term effect of having two people in a marriage that only one is interested in. My mum has gone on to have a very happy life with someone one else who loves her to bits.

Good luck x

Oh my God shocked. I am appalled, what an utter witch and well done on you for protecting yourself and dd's. I am in exactly the same boat but for the harassment as far as I know. Finally heard from him and he has finished with her, apparently she took it ok as was expecting it, hmmmm. I have set some rules which he has agreed to and we will see where we go from here. I have gained a huge amount of strength and determination to protect myself and my dc from this thread so I thank you all for your support. I agree with the comments about broken homes, perhaps that is the wrong term to use, it's me who is broken not my home and dc.

She does sound like a bunny boiler to be honest. Seven texts on the trot, not finished with him yet and calling to harrass you? She sounds unbalanced - not that this excuses your husband's behaviour in any way shape or form.

Next time she calls to harrass you put the radio on and put the phone down at the side of it. Don't even speak to her. Get caller display if you haven't already and get your H to speak to his mobile provider to block her number.

feck and shocked - i feel for you both, I can't believe the shit that you are going through. Didn't they realise the PAIN they were going to cause you and your family. what complete and utter Fxxkwits!!

Sorry nonthing constructive to add - but wanted to add my support.

Bunny boiler? Techno, you have no idea what this man has promised her.

It plays into his hands to have her painted as a mental case. It makes it more likely he will get away with lying in the future as well as about what went on between them if she is seen as unbalanced.

He is to blame for the mess, obviously so is she but she did not promise faithfulness to the OP and her dc.

Demonizing the OW is not helpful IMHO.

He had her on speakerphone when he told her it was finished and she kept insisting that it wasn't. She just called back to have a woman to woman talk with me. The upshot is that she's claiming to be pregnant with his child and needs money ($300) for a termination. According to her dates she got pregnant while he was at home with us. Plus she left 2 men to be with him so he needs to pay her to help her get on with her life. And he promised her a car by March and the car she wants costs $15,000. She just wants the money so she can move on with her life and oh, she insists she's not a greedy person and she knows I understand "from one woman to another."

I can't believe he was so fucking stupid to let someone like that into our lives. How the fuck did the man I married end up with shit for brains????

I don't think semen contains a high neuron count shocked...

Shocked, cut her right out of your lives.

If your dh has any more contact with him, start divorce proceedings immediately.

But do not let demonization of the silly bitch take away any attention from the absolutely shitty way your dh has been led by his dick.

Does she know where you live?
Change all phone numbers

He is a dick for doing it
But if you heard her say all that then she really is unbalanced and she poisonous

He got himself into this mess and its only him that get himself out

Maybe get the police involved its blackmail at the end of day

and start recording phone calls if you can.

so sorry for this shite .

or at least make notes of date/time of every call from her.

Hey Ohfeck I wasn't criticising your use of the term broken home at all. I just wish that generally in society there was a nicer phrase for it

In the past, my MIL described me (to someone else) as coming from a broken home and I was mad about it (as she is generally a witch). If you asked her what I was like or who I was, she'd mention "broken home" instead of "sons wife" or "daughter in law", as if she immediately needed people to know that I come from divorced parents, as if it makes some kind of difference or like it is some kind of badge? But that is a WHOLE other thread

Ramble over.

Shocked - can't believe the OW has the absolute audacity to harass you! Does she not have one single ounce of shame? Words escape me

Just wanted to add my support. Sounds like you are dealing with this really well considering.

I'd be tempted to tell her when she phones again that you're going to the police (regarding the blackmail).

OMG - the more I read, the more I am shocked at OW. I TOTALLY agree with anyfucker - very wise words indeed!

Unfortunately she's overseas so police won't be much help. She doesn't even work with him. Apparently she's one of the slappers that trawls the bars looking for gullible, lying, shit-for-brains expats like my H.

When I told her I was divorcing him and taking him to the cleaners and that any requests for money should be to him after the divorce settlement was finalised she seemed to suddenly want to "move on" with her life. She had the fucking cheek to ask me to send her whatever I can afford so that she can get the termination this week and get her figure back. Apparently, now I know we can keep in touch as I understand from one woman to another! She is so deranged I don't know what the fuck he saw in her.

Anyway, need to call the bank to see if they will consent to transferring his half of title to my name. Will post more later.

id be changing telephone numbers. today.

and i would also be remembering that its not about her and her level of loonyness, but about your dh shitting on your family

good luck

omg shocked- there are no words - even worse that your dh got involved with someone like that? i bet it makes you feel sick to your stomach that he could have runied your family for that.
It is all prob lies, i doubt she is pg... shes just trying to get money.... then will prob move onto the next person and forget about all of it, while you and your family will have it stamped on your heart forever.

What is he saying about all of this??? Im so sorry you are going through this, but as the others have said do not let this chaos caused by her detract or rationalise what he has done.

Wise words from AnyFucker and custy. And I'm horrified by the stories on here. Just... can't understand why men do this.

Like I said to him, she's a dirty, money-grabbing slapper but she's just doing what she does. She never made any vows with me so he's under no illusion as to where I think the responsibility lies. He has been in tears all morning and keeps saying he's sorry - which frankly is getting quite annoying now. "Sorry" doesn't make it go away. "Sorry" should have made him not get involved with her in the first place. "Sorry" should have made him think of his 3yr old and 6mth old children. "Sorry" should have made him think twice before jeopardising 7 years together. "Sorry" should have made him tell the truth in the first place and not compound his cheating with lies. "Sorry" should have made him think with his brain instead of his dick. Alas "sorry" didn't do all that so this is where we are. Now I have to suffer the indignity of speaking to her on the phone while she wants to "relate" to me "woman-to-woman". I could fucking throttle himright now.

Really really sorry to hear what your going through shockedandawed, and all others that have experienced the same.
7 years ago I found out my H was having an affair with a work colleague of his. Of course he denied it when I confronted him, and in the end I got hold of his mobile phone when he came home drunk and crashed out cold. Well the phone gave me all the proof I needed! I had a 4 year old DD at the time and I thought of ending the marriage then because not only was he having an affair but he was treating me with total contempt. Anyway I managed to find out where this bitch lived and threatened to go to her house with my sisters, so he backed down and admitted everything, he then begged me to give him another chance, he seemed so remorseful and I thought that perhaps now he's realised you can't hide an affair and he's lucky to be given another chance so I forgave him and we agreed to move on - MORE FOOL ME!, we ended up moving house and having another baby, but slowly over the last 7 years he started drinking more and more, giving me the silent treatment, deliberately arguing with me over anything, he lost interest sexually in me, and his brother, his sister-in-law and his sister started hurling abuse at me! I still have no idea why unless of course he started staying stuff about me to them to turn them against me. Anyway my health deteriorated with all the stress. It got to the stage where I couldn't take anymore, I tried in vain to get him to see a Counsellor, I wrote a 10 page letter to him because talking wouldn't work and even got my sister's DH to talk to him but in the end after a blazing argument and him telling me he held me responsible for the affair he had all those years ago, and a load of other stuff I decided enough was enough and I left. I think he wanted out of this marriage for ages but didn't want people to think it was because he was a cheating lying scumbag. I love my DCs and despite everything I'm glad I've got them but really wish I'd booted him out 7 years ago and not given him that second chance because he had treated me soooo badly since then and now he is spreading all sorts of rumours about me behind my back. For all I know he could still be cheating on me as well! Anyway he still plays mind games - saying he wants me back etc etc but no more chances!! He's got the divorce papers from my solicitor now

Sorry last message was so long but I justed wanted you to understand what happened to me after I decided to give my H a second chance, just in case you were getting 2nd thoughts. Of course you know your marriage, your DH etc better then anybody so listen to what your gut instinct says and good luck!

Custardo is really really right. She could be and can be anyone she likes, she is irrelevant, and is nothing to do with you.

Don't let your water get muddy with his bulshit that he has to deal with. Draw a firm line where your family ends and all this bullshit begins and never cross it or even talk across it. The more you get drawn into his little world the more chance there is his little world gets normalised and vindicated and possibly even accepted.

This is all his problem. Jesus you must be fuming. How do we not wrap big frying pans around their heads?

i do agree holly, as i said ive had the same experience, except we were only back together for 2 years. It was a total waste of my time. Still cant change that, only have the power to change the future, and thats why i kicked him out.
Shocked, you sound so angry - which i think is good. You are totally correct in what you have said. He did it all, it was his choice, but the consequences are suffered by the whole family. If he was sorry, he should never have done it, should not have still been in contact with her, and should not have lied to you over and over again.