im pregnant by the man i love and cant possibly have it....go gently on me please

[Littleblue]

....i was told ovulation had stopped ,im nearly 40,ive already got 4 kids,and the youngest starts full time school next month,the eldest starts uni next year.I left a violent relationship last june,and ive finally got a new house and everyones settling down.My lover lives a long way away,with a big family of his own and we only see each other twice a month,hes a separated single parent too.

I love him to bits,im absolutely devastated,i so so cant have another child,my body/mind and finances are all buggered im in pieces..

LB, I hope you have got through today. x

I hear you..happy re decision (for want of a better word )but unhappy about having to go through it.
I resented the morning sickness etc,it actually stopped about a week ago,and it would appear that i would have miscarried anyway, il spare you the details.

Thanks again NCRBBirdy,xx

LB, I know it is not nice but isn't that a (for want of a better word) positive? I know it happened to a friend of mine, when she went in for the termination she was told that the fetous had stopped growing straight after her dating scan. Whilst it was still horrible for her it did, at least, make things just a little easier to bear.

I come late to this thread, but this time last year I had a termination, as I thought that another baby would tear my family apart.

I don't regret it, I regret that I wasn't in a position within myself to have another baby. Sometimes I feel grief, sometimes I feel longing - but strangely enough this week on the anniversary of my termination I have looked at my kids and my husband and held them very closely.

My termination was my decision and I forgave myself before I did it. I decided that I would not let it destroy me. It hasn't both my husband and me are stronger and are better parents for having made that decision.

Yes,i did feel a bit better for knowing it was too small for dates etc.I felt a bit lighter in heart for that if that makes sense?
Kaz33,what you say about forgiving yourself before you went through with it is interesting.I made my peace with my decision beforehand,we both did even though it has hurt us badly.Is that the same thng as forgiveness? maybe,or maybe just semantics on my part. Having to make a decision based on meeting the needs of your existing family,and indeed yourself is tough.As ive said before,i considered all this,and the needs of any subsequent baby and the decision i/we came to was the right one.Painful though it has been,there are no doubts,with doubt comes the trauma long term?

I think making peace is important and that is definitely on the way to forgiving yourself. Think it is possible to wallow in your own misery, guilt and through that road comes trauma and unhappiness.

Continuing to talk is important, because sometimes, not often - I need to acknowledge it.

Big hugs and be gentle with yourself and your family.

Hi Littleblue, I am sure youare busy this weekend but I just thought I would drop you a note to say I hope you are ok.

I hope you manage to find some peace and enjoyment in your family over the festive period NCBx

Hi,thank you...yet again.Im ok atm,mum came round earlier after an olive branch from me..but we avoided the subject,it was strained but that wont last.I feel a bit odd still,mentally,and kinda steam rollered physically too,migraine etc... Have a great christmas,youve been a brick

I really hope that you manage to work things through with your mum, well done on offering the olive branch! I will be thinking of you over Christmas x

hormone crash from hell

Oh Littleblue, I hadn't thought of that side of things! I assume ther is nothing you can take to level things a bit for now? (I know stupid vain hope)

LB, hope you are feeling better! Sorry to hear you had a bad day!

I had an awful day yest'day, think that the whole thing just caught up with me & I sank really low. Shouting at dd, etc! Poor thing!

I had the oppurtunity to get it all sorted on Friday last week, but we had something special planned for the dc. I was so upset yest'day that I didn't take that oppurtunity as it would all be over by now....except it wouldn't be, would it!?

I just can't handle the cramps & the sickness anymore....

Hope you have as good a day as you can on Thursday.

Differentname, I hope you manage to as well.

Im a bit brighter now,dp came up for our mini christmas,and spoilt me rotten,got migraine troubles tho... Im getting ready for xmas now,Happy day tomos everyone,xx

I feel really weird about it atm

Its hit home,badly.

Hope you're ok. Big hug for youxx

I feel so guilty

Try not to, you've made a very hard choice for all the right reasons ,I've never been in your situation but admire your honesty to yourself and dp, you maybe need to find peace some how...sorry I'm no use but will pray for you.x

The reaction set in,i cried most of yesterday,ive locked it up too tight

Oh LB, I am so sorry! How hard all this must be for you!

Am thinking of you!

Thanks diff" How are you?

Coping is the only way I can describe it!

Some days good, some not so!

I managed to get through the 25th/26th reasonably OK (were with family both days) without (I hope) anyone suspecting.

Thankfully I have not had such a bad day as Tuesday, I really felt low & out of control!

I have started the countdown now, but am fearful as I know the follwoing days will be hard. Am trying to get my self ready..or as ready as I can....

You can only grit your teeth and just do it.Theres no way of managing it,i shut it down,treated it like a smear test or something,and blocked it,now im struggling with the feelings its left me with. Im going on starflower oil,magnesium and zinc to try and stabilise the hormonal crash,be ready for that sweetheart,((((hugs))))

You poor thing...I didn't even think about the hormonal crash..I was (stupidly) hoping that once it is over & done with all will be fine again.

I mean, I KNOW I will still have difficult emotions to deal with, but the sickness, the headaches etc...that it will all just go on that day....

Maybe I should get some of the things you said about so I am prepared...