im pregnant by the man i love and cant possibly have it....go gently on me please

[Littleblue]

....i was told ovulation had stopped ,im nearly 40,ive already got 4 kids,and the youngest starts full time school next month,the eldest starts uni next year.I left a violent relationship last june,and ive finally got a new house and everyones settling down.My lover lives a long way away,with a big family of his own and we only see each other twice a month,hes a separated single parent too.

I love him to bits,im absolutely devastated,i so so cant have another child,my body/mind and finances are all buggered im in pieces..

I'm so sorry to hear this

sit down realistically with a Dr or family planning ( make an appointment you get a set time) you can speak to someone who is independant
and work out how far along you are what your choices are and what help is available for you
whatever your descison

Only you can know what is right in your heart - I've raised a child from start to finish alone and tbh I'd never change her or anything but to this day I have no idea how I coped
everything was on a wing and a prayer.

7 years on we're fine but life is oh so different these days I have a new baby and just being with him I realise all the stuff I missed out on from my oldest because I was working or fretting or sobbing or all of the above!
If you decide not to go ahead you aren't a horrible person you are doing what is best for the whole family it's a huge descion and either way it's not easy

what has he said? tell him you want honesty even if that isn't what you want to hear you need to know what he thinks truthfully.

sending huge hugs {{{{HUGS}}}}

My BF spent the day at work yesterday feeling very down,with butterflies and general anxiety he was amazed when i reminded him he had only known for 24 hours,from the way he was talking he obviously feels very weighed down by this.He said he nearly walked out at one point,his colleagues and even his ex wife noticed something was very wrong.He said he felt better for talking to me though. Ive woken early from a night of very odd dreams about psycho exe..feeling very desolate this morning.

Nine children? One more really make a difference?

I feel so sad for you as it really seems like you want this baby but feel you can't/shouldn't.

Are you having counselling?

sort of..online,i just got sacked today too,great week

Oh no, it just keeps on coming doesn't it?

Are you still ok? (as far as you can be anyway).

I want to tell you how concerned I am but I can't put it into words without sounding idiotic, I have written three messages and deleted them. I am concerned, I am thinking about you during the day when I am not on here. I am sending you all of my support in an ethereal sense and I wish that I could do more. Sorry if that sounds odd, I am not able to articulate well sorry

I am so sorry to hear that.

Thats really nice,and it means alot to me that a stranger would empathise so deeply.Im a long way from ok,but also a long way from falling apart.
To be sacked today was deeply humilating,im swinging between fury and depression.I did nothing to deserve it,but as it was cash in hand,and a new job during the trial period,i dont have a leg to stand on.But ive lost 75 quid a week cash in hand which was a lifeline.Ive had better weeks.

What practically do you need that we can help you with?

thats so vey sweet, Theres nothing practical tbh...unless you can replace my job xx

feel so bloody low,job stress on top is way too much

You will get through this littleblue. It is crappy and hard but you will get there. You are an increadibly strong person, much stronger than I could ever hope to be.

If you ever think of anything we can do we are here.

Just having this here,this forum..is a support,mn has been a lifeline for me in the last few years..enabling me to recognise,and deal with leaving an abusive relationship.I dont feel strong,but i spose i must be.I drink too much,although thats improving now.
This time last week i was settling into my new home nicely,the kids all doing well in new schools etc..and my new relationship going from strength to strength.A new job which was promising,and had taken away the worries about meeting the utilitiy bills etc.
Then i found out im pregnant and lose my job But everything else is still in place.Im still living without fear,and that was worse than what im living with now.I was selfharming then,i dont feel THAT now,despite how very sad i feel.I will get another job,i woke up yesterday dreading going in,so it wasnt right anyway.I dont believe in fate as such,i dont think anyway..but i do believe you need to listen to your instincts.My heart knows i cant have another child,for all the reasons ive already described,whatever anguish i feel,the decision is the right one.It would be a nightmare,and detrimental to the rest of my children.and to me,but most importantly,any such child would be born into a household ill-equipped to cope.which is not a start in life i would wish on any baby.

I wish I could help you with a job.

Does losing your job help make the decision about the baby?

no,it makes no difference.

How are you feeling right now?

What do you have to so next?

I have to exist is what i have to do..with all the symptoms of early pregnancy.The symptoms i used to embrace because it meant i was less likely to miscarry.Im seeing the doc at the clinic tuesday.

It does make sense to go through with a termination I really feel for you, it is horrific really, but essential you deal with it as a couple.
But it is also such a chance opportunity and to help make sure you won't regret it, is it too painfull to go through a process of considering having it?

I am in a longterm long distance relationship, found myself pregnant at nearly 40 after coming through depression and feeling I couldn't cope -finally losing the weight, finally living somewhere nice etc

For the first three months of pregnancy I was depressed but with the help of mumsnet I got through my pregnancy and in hindsight it is a short time. Yes I was back to square one in many ways but now I am nearly 42 and coping fine with my little surprise. Of course for me now in hindsight it is easy to say I'm glad I got pregnant again!

Also, longdistance longterm is not a happy thing for a relationhip (got the t-shirt), so I hope you and your lovely new man can work out how to be together in the not too distant future.

I wish you all the best, there is no easy way out of this situation. You sound like a fabulous woman. I wish you strength and a swift recovery from this difficult time.

Hi Littleblue, I am sorry I have not been back. I don't really know what to say without repeating myself but I wanted to check in to let you know you are still in my thoughts. I hope you have had a good weekend with your children and got to see dp.

I go through all the possibilities on an hourly basis 24/7 atm...im lost

They are gonna scan me tuesday

Thanx NCrBB...xx

Did you see DP this weekend? Were things ok? (Stupid question but you know what I mean)

Hi littleblue, please don't beat yourselves up. When you make your decision please believe in yourselves. You aren't just thinking of yourselves. You have nine + others to consider plus the risks of proceeding. You should be proud of yourself for the responsibility you have taken for your families. That love must be strong too, doing long distance.

You sound like a really strong person and wouldn't take any decision like this lightly indeed it sounds as though you are torturing yourselves.

This is probably not much help but I hope you both get through this whatever you decide.

Many hugs and i wish you all the best.

Maybe the scan will help you clarify.
Or further conversations with your dp.
I think that 1) you may just suddenly know that you have to have the baby no matter what and hope that it won't be as difficult as you fear.
or 2) If you don't get that 'certainty' to carry you through, you will probably always be full of doubts about the termination and that is the horrible cost of it I think and you need to be kind to yourself about that.

Whatever you do, you will certainly get plenty of support on here.

I just dont know what to think..I didnt see dp at the weekend,but we are going away together for a couple of days on friday,he says hes gonna cuddle me all weekend.We talked a bit last night again,he said he has gone through all the scenarios in his head,and has lived his life so far by his heart,but a huge dose of common sense is paramount here,for all the reasons ive laid out here.I agree with him,but the intellect is a different "animal" to the heart.Its very hard,i have awful morning sickness,which is a constant reminder.Im an artist,and im trying to evolve a series of 3 abstract paintings,a "triptych" to recognise the 3 babies i have lost..and im including this as a baby i have lost.