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Original poster

dp is a boring git

209 replies

nikcola · 20/03/2005 11:49

he works very very hard i will admit that but this weekend he hasnt had any private jobs on (hes a mechanic) all i want to do is go out and do something all 3 of us but he wont he is a grumpy sod and im really staring to hate him we never never go out its allways left up to me to entertain dd and its not bloody fair all he does is come round here and sit on his arse and watch telly i need some fun im soo bored i feel like im 60 and im 21

OP posts:
bubbly1973 · 20/03/2005 20:42

nikcola, its extremely frustrating for you

where are your parents if you dont mind me asking?

Original poster
nikcola · 20/03/2005 20:45

my mom lives in brum with my little bro and her husband and my dad lives about 10 mins away with his girlfriend ,
my mom kicked me out after my mum and dad divorced bacause i didnt get on with her boyfriend so she sent me down here to live with my dad,
i left my dads at 15 he used to hit me and was a horrible man so i went into care i dont talk to my dad anymore well he isnt talking to me (long story!) i dont like my mom much but i see her every now and then

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Original poster
nikcola · 20/03/2005 20:49

i live in luton btw

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fimblesfan · 20/03/2005 20:51

Hi nikola, your life sounds exactly like mine.

Dp is a self employed builder & works very hard which i appreciate but like your dp when he has any time off he is not interested in me or ds, he just sits on his big fat arse watching telly expecting me to run around after him & ds, when occasionally i too would like all 3 of us to do something together.

Im only 24 & also feel 60, whereabouts do you live?

Original poster
nikcola · 20/03/2005 20:52

im in luton where are you ?

your dp sounds like mine does he not take you out either

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bubbly1973 · 20/03/2005 20:56

thats sad nikcola

well its just you and your lovely dd against the world then

you can do one of the hardest things that you will ever do and that is to break up with dp when you still love him and whilst your still young be able to move on...the advantage being that your more or less coping on your own anyway (apart from weekends when he comes over) so you know you can do it, and also you have your own place

or you can carry on like this until it all blows up because one day that wife will come over...and you can carry on being with him hoping he will choose you...but you more or less have said that you dont agree with or like the fact he got another woman

also, personally, for the sake of your dd, try not to let her see that this is the way to be treated, break that chain now or she will think its okay for a guy to treat his girl like this

im sure when he is nice, he is lovely, and all is rosy in the garden, but there is a volcano waiting to erupt when the wife comes over

you really need to be strong on this one if you want a different future, but im guessing at the moment you will go along with the way things are because you cant bear to break up with him

what ever you do, you always have the support from the good people of mumsnet

bubbly1973 · 20/03/2005 20:59

i wonder how many dps are the same...me and dh had a massive ding dong a few months back

me saying he dont spend much time with us when he is off, and all he wants to do is watch sport

him saying that he works all the time, all he wants to do is relax when he is off

me saying, 'so its hard work relaxing with us, so its hard work going for a drive or walking to the park'

we thankfully have sorted it out

but it seems a lot of us seem to have dp's who would rather watch tele than do something

fimblesfan · 20/03/2005 20:59

hi, just seen that u live in luton, quite away from me im afraid(croydon).

Just remember your not alone.

pootlesmum · 20/03/2005 21:19

bubbly1973 - sorry for delayed response, I was in the bath. Yes I am in a mixed relationship. I am Indian and dp is English (white).

Original poster
nikcola · 21/03/2005 10:17

crydon is a bit far!

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lou33 · 21/03/2005 10:23

how are you today nik?

berolina · 21/03/2005 11:20

nikcola, I've been reading about your situation and while mine is not quite the same (not a 'mixed race' relationship, although it is binational) I think I can say something about a similar kind of problem.

My parents rejected my now dh just from what I told them about him (no drink, drugs, crime, violence or anything like that - just basically his nationality, his working-class background and the fact he was still studying!) without ever having met him (they refused to let me bring him home). Threatened not to fund my final year of uni, etc. For a year or so I muddled through, saw him without telling them, avoided the issue, etc. After a while though I decided I had to bring it out into the open as I knew he was the one for me and it was getting ridiculous. Cue 6 months psychological warfare: screaming, shouting and crying on the phone; heavy emotional blackmail letters; mother talked of suicide; announcements that I was ruining their lives, that I'd never been a proper daughter and that me going to his home country to live with him (which I was planning) was like 'a bereavement'. It was awful (developed IBS and a terror of the phone ringing during this time), but I stood my ground and in the end they melodramatically ceased contact. Now we exchange emails on birthdays but that's it - they do not involve me in their lives, there is no emotional support from them and even the news that I'm expecting my first baby hasn't caused a change of heart. I didn't find out about my niece's birth until a month afterwards FFS! I might as well not have parents and have also lost my entire family (brother, grandmother, aunts, uncles etc.). But I got through - dh was the one I wanted and it was my responsibility to him and, most of all, to myself to stand my ground. In other words, I do understand something about acute family pressure and so can understand a little of the situation your dp might feel himself to be in, but it really was your dp's responsibility to withstand this and stick by his partner and child. I didn't do anything heroic - I owed it to my dh not to let him be second best in the long run. Do you want you and your daughter to always be second best? I know it will be terribly difficult if you do decide to go it alone but you have youth, determination and lots of supportive MN friends on your side.

mummytosteven · 21/03/2005 11:23

berolina

never realised how tough it had been for you with DP/DH.

Original poster
nikcola · 21/03/2005 11:44

berolina, your family sounds just like mine i have nothing to do with any of them all aunts , cousins, grandparents, uncles , have all forgotten about me, so i no how you feel , sorry you have had it so hard do you think they will come round when you have your child?

{{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}} hugs for you xxxxxxxx

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Original poster
nikcola · 21/03/2005 11:47

im ok lou, dd is driving me mad allready ! ive got loads of essays to wright but as soon as she sees me get the books out she wont leave me alone! so i htink ill have to work when shes in bed!

dp never came back yesterday he was fixing his bros car, he rang me at 10.30pm to see if i wanted a takeaway ffs!! so i just told him to bugger off back to him moms, i asked hime if his sister said anything about him wife and he shouted at me and said that she didnt say anything so she must of said somehting to him or he would of lost his temper.

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lou33 · 21/03/2005 12:08

oh dear

have you thougth anymore about the things posted in here yesterday?

Original poster
nikcola · 21/03/2005 12:10

i honestly dont no, i really need to sit down and talk to him but he just doesnt listen he never takes anything seriously

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Original poster
nikcola · 21/03/2005 12:14

i just ranf him to tell him about a letter i got for him from his phone company and he is in a stinking mood, he asked if i wanted him to come round for his lunch and i said no im taking dd to the park so he said fine then and hung up the grumpy sod

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motherinferior · 21/03/2005 12:36

Nik, I think maybe he won't ever sit down for a talk with you. What would happen if you upped the ante: said no he can't come round till he commits to talking to you and maybe going to something like Relate? Because if he's in a relationship with you, that relationship is not in a good place from everything you've said. If he's not in a relationship with you, you need to know where you stand.

What I wouldn't do is say that while he's thinking it over he can see Shireen. I know she loves him dearly and I really REALLY hate the idea of using a child as a pawn but I do worry that he might perhaps take her to his family for an extended time if you're angry with him.

LIZS · 21/03/2005 12:47

Agree with MI. At some point this is all going to come to a head and the longer you go along with it the more difficult it is going to be to change the situation and his attitude. How come his letters are coming to you anyway ?

noddyholder · 21/03/2005 13:50

nickola my sisters boyfriend is hindu brought up only in uk from birth He is still living at home like a teenager but he is v nice to my sister when he is with her but its a bit of a childish relationship with him relying on his parents so much They know and like my sister but I don't know if they will ever take the next step I worry as she is 38 he is 27 and she has been married once already

Original poster
nikcola · 21/03/2005 19:34

does she have children?

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noddyholder · 21/03/2005 19:41

no and says they don't want any but i feel he'll change his mind later and then what?

Original poster
nikcola · 21/03/2005 20:59

hundus arent as bad as muslims (plese dont no one shout at me for saying that) but the people that i no that are hindu their parents arent as strict, its like they are more modern than dps family (god ill get killed for saying that) why havent they moved in together?

OP posts:
Original poster
nikcola · 21/03/2005 20:59

hundus arent as bad as muslims (plese dont no one shout at me for saying that) but the people that i no that are hindu their parents arent as strict, its like they are more modern than dps family (god ill get killed for saying that) why havent they moved in together?

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