dp is a boring git

[nikcola]

he works very very hard i will admit that but this weekend he hasnt had any private jobs on (hes a mechanic) all i want to do is go out and do something all 3 of us but he wont he is a grumpy sod and im really staring to hate him we never never go out its allways left up to me to entertain dd and its not bloody fair all he does is come round here and sit on his arse and watch telly i need some fun im soo bored i feel like im 60 and im 21

He what

I thought you guys had been together forever.

I'm confused now.

Do you ever go out as a family, if not a couple ? Think it is really sad that he is so laid back about the whole marriage/relationship thing. Just doesn't seem as important to hoim as it is to you. He may love you, and you him, but does he respect you and support you as an individual ?

he had an arranged marrage last year in pakistan he was foced into it by his family xxx

he doesnt tell me i cant go out he just makes me feel bad

How much time does he actually spend with you and dd? Does he look after dd for you on his own to allow you some breathing space and time to study ?

no we never go anywhere as a fmily he hates going out with us cause people stare at us and he gets mad, i asked him if he wants to come to the safarit park (drive through thing) and he said no ill be too busy so i said id go on my own, we took dd to the zoo a week before he went to pakistan but that was because he felt guilty x

has the same result tho nickola, it's just another way of you doing what he wants, and you getting nothing back

I don't want to get into his marriage, as i don't want to upset you, but i think he could have said no if he wanted to.

sorry x

nickola he is 28
he wasnt made to do anything

dont let him make you feel bad any longer. Go out and enjoy yourself. You are 21. You deserve to be happy. You sound like a lovely girl and you need to get an independant life way from him IMo

I know you love him

he looks after her every now and then if i moan but he makes it out to be a big thing,

i no he dint have to get married but his life would of been made hell by them if he hadnt of done it x

So both your lives are hellish now?

does he still see his family then? do they have contact with you and your daughter?

it sounds like you are repeating what he said to you, honey

Where is his wife and how does he get away with this?You really need to think long and hard about the situation you are in as with passing years you will become more and more isolated and will find it harder to make friends What do your family think?Is it your house?Sorry about all the questions but I find this quite shocking

Sorry nikcola, I agree with Keane and Lou33, noone forced him onto that plane. Don't understand why he should be stared at, after all there are plenty of mixed race couples if that is his concern, unless he feels fundamentally uncomfortable about the whole thing.

I am friends with lots of mixed race couples and we go out together and no-one ever stares.

well he lives with his mom and stays here at weekends, his wife is in pakistan his family want her to come here and he doesnt,
its my flat well its council but its mine he has nothing to do with it,

as for us goiing out he just feels unconfortable

my sister is in a mixed race relationship with an asian guy and we go out all the time Coincidentally he has friends in very similar situations to yours they are married but have white girlfriends and keep it all secret when my sister first told me I thought she was joking but seeing this I see it does happen Talk and get help soon

no one knows that he got married only his family and his best friend no, his family dont have anything to do with dd ive never meet any of them i would never want to meet them thay hate me, his sister see's dd sometimes but i hate her going round there

You say he didn't want to get married but did it for his family? Well now his family want her to come over, so will he allow that and move in with her for their sake as well? What if they then want him to have a child with ehr, will he do that as well? These are all things you have to think about very seriously nikcola, and how it will affect dd as well

nickola, i know this wasnt your first intention for satrting the thread. i know i have most probably brought something into the equation you didnt want mentioned, but your life is noit normal with him. You are being treated as a second class citizen, IMO. His bit on the side, but he makes you feel you are the only one. I feel desperate for you as i am sure his wife will move over here eventually and you will get pushed to the side

Think a few years down the line. What if she does move over here and they start a fam,ily together. What happens then?

thats what i say to him lou and he just tells me im being silly and it will never happen x

Do his family know about you and dd?

Nikola I hope things sort themselves out for you all and happiness is found again.x

well to be brutally honest he is lying out of his arse then imo.