dp is a boring git

[nikcola]

he works very very hard i will admit that but this weekend he hasnt had any private jobs on (hes a mechanic) all i want to do is go out and do something all 3 of us but he wont he is a grumpy sod and im really staring to hate him we never never go out its allways left up to me to entertain dd and its not bloody fair all he does is come round here and sit on his arse and watch telly i need some fun im soo bored i feel like im 60 and im 21

he wants me to move in with him but his family wont leav us alone i can just see it now they will be there all the time and i cant cope with them

nikcola, you are very wise to hold onto your council flat...insist he moves in with you, your life will be utter hell if you and dd move in with him and his family, they will have no respect for you what so ever, and in the end you will split up with your dp and worse you wont have a place to go, so will forever be under him

have you thought that your dp know full well that you wont move in with him, which is why he is asking you to...sort of showing you he is commited to you by offering this option, but knowing full well you wont accept it

thats why i dont want to move in with him just incase we fall out ill have no where to go , but once he gets his house his family will be going on at him to bring her over here anyway

no he really hates living on his own that why he asked us to move in but im really no going to i dont see the point

nikcola, is he asking you to move in with his family or does he have a house that he lives in ...sorry bit confused

at the moment he lives in his moms house with

his mom and dad,
his brother and his wife,
his sister and her husband ,

but he is getting his own house soon he is house hunting at the moment

ah right, i see!!..thank you for clarifying that...blimey its like the waltons in his house then

yep and what even worse is today is older sis has come back from pakistan (she went on holiday there) and she would of seen his wife when she was there and his sis is going to nag him about her like how she is shamed (the wife) because he doesnt ring her and he hasnt spoke to her since the wedding

yeh family like to stir the shit where possible

his wife in pakistan only married him cos she could come to britain, she should have married someone up there!

Sweetie,
it gets worse, doesn't it. I honestly cannot see a way through this if he doesn't say clearly, to everyone, that he wants to be with you and do that publicly. And then you could work out whether you do want to be with him - because the other thing I think is happening is that all the drama and his other commitments take up your energies, and stop you working out whether he is the man for you anyway.

Bubbly, I do know about the staring - although my mother is Asian I look VERY white, whereas DP looks v Asian. But I still think mixed-race relationships are a damn sight more common now than when my parents got together - can't remember the figures off the top of my head but mixed race kids are the fastest increasing 'ethnic group' in the UK.

Don't think his wife got much of a choice from the sound of it

when people stare at me i tell them to piss off not very nice i no !!!

was in asda yesterday and dp came to pick me and dd up (he was fixing my car) and this asian lady was staring at us not just a quick look but a big stare, so after i put the shopping in the boot i turned aroud and just said "just take a photo if you think my dd is that pretty "!!! you should of seen the look on her face dp whent mad!!!!!!1

aparently his wife said to him that me and her can be sisters FFS

blimey MI, must have been hard for your parents, its almost unheard of in the 70's!! hats off to them!

i find white people dont have a problem with me, its always the asian who seem to do all the staring...i now stare back at them cos im hard

his wife knows about you then?

Does she really know about you (and dd) though ? Presumably, just like her, you only have his and his family's word for it, and as you have said they aren't exactly trustworthy where you are concerned. Find it hard to believe that his marriage wouldn't be legally valid in UK otherwise how do other women in those circumstances come over legitimately.

no she does no about me and dd she sends dd presants which i bin ,
she said to dp that if she ever comes over here she will look after dd and be her new mum while i got out and get drunk like all white women

Nikcola, his wife will surely have to come over here, otherwise why get married. Sounds to me like he is having his cake and eating it. You sound lovely, you are in a rut, your self-esteem is low and you are too young to be in this situation. Yes, if you dump him ,money will be tight and it will seem like taking a step back but really its the only way to nove forward.

You need to get out of this situation life is short and for the living

his family said to him when he got married that she didnt have to come over here they just wanted him to get nmarried so people thought they were a good family, but they are allready srarting to pressure him into bringing her here

its awful for you, dd and your boyfriend

your boyfriend probably believed his family as when they gang up they can be very persuasive

his family knew damn well that they would make him bring her over once they got him over the first hurdle which was to get him married, they have been taking it one step at a time with him, eventually he will give in

i know i am going to get lynched for this, but i cant help feel sorry for your dp too, because he is stuck in the middle...he loves you, he loves his family, wants to make you happy, wants to make his family happy

he is a big boy and should stick up for himself and put his foot down, but for him there is a lot to lose, and as long as he knows your going to stick around, its easier for him to keep his parents happy than it is to keep you happy

hope that makes sense, im on your side, i just want to help you see it from his side

I am getting worried about my sister now as her dp has been saying he will move in with her for 3 or 4 yrs but still at home with parents in v small house in not nice area(his words)whereas my sister has her own house in a lovely road and he still only sees her on sat nights!

i feel sorry for him too sometimes but i just wish he would think about me and dd a bit more, when he came back from pakistan he cryed in my arms for ages he felt so bad for what he done, but no he acts like nothing has happened when i mention his wife he just says oh not that again!

noddyholder, why wont he move in with her? is he white?