I've just received a text from MIL which I think was meant for DH and it has upset me. PART TWO

[Thishasupsetme]

Hi all, new thread so I can update

blimey, I cant believe your dh is continuing to be a knobhead. However, the realization that his mum is such a twisted individual may be pretty hard to swallow....

I know lizzy, I think that is why I am not letting my inner fishwife go TBH. I want to shout and scream, but I know he is hurting because of this.

He might be thinking that he has to choose between us, I don't want that and never said that, but what if he thinks that?

Did you ever figure out why your WIL went to such lengths to keep this frm you (well until the "accidental" text of course)

lol X posts QS.

He does need to choose whose side he's on
Childish language I know but that's what it's come to
He doesn't have to cut her out of his life I don't suppose but he needs to make sure she has no more emotional hold on him

Thum, he'll never bloody well know what you are thinking if he doesn't sober up and talk to you!
You just carry on as you are doing, you are very fab

Stealth, I think it is her way of controlling things and causing a ruckuss [sp?)

She changed, and not for the better, towards me after I had given birth to DD. I know that she wants DH and DD to herself with me out of the picture, well at least that is how I have felt for the last 18 months. Maybe this is her way of showing me what she can do to us if she wanted to. I honestly don't know.

Am so @ your DH's continuing appalling behaviour. Wish I could advise but literally have no words. Speechless

Sorry, yes you've said all that, didn't meant to make you go through it again. I wondered if she had a (poor) "cover story" - how did she sell it to your DH??

oh god, i was following this thread and then i lost it. why didn't mil want you to go? brief update would be brill . SOZ
to be such a nuisance

Can't believe he's come home drunk. you poor thing. Sounds like you are handling this really well though. How's DD?

Thats okay stealth I cant remember saying it before (blame the wine I had last night, I don't usually drink at home and I ended up finishing the bottle

DD is fine and oblivious to it all (I am hoping), she should be in bed now, but she has had some fun and chocs today with her cousin, (SILS DS) and is a bit hyper so i am letting her come down before I attempt to put her to bed.

You poor thing
Hope your H comes round soon and grovels majorly

Kalo, I have no idea why mil doesn't want me to go other than to just be in controll of DH and DD for the day.

DH's family are supporting me and are not happy with mil and to an extent dh. I am now going to the christening

THUM I think you are being amazingly calm and I am glad you are going to the christening. Your MIL needs to see that her plan has actually backfired and brought you closer together. I have a toxic SIL and when she married my bro she tried to stir loads of trouble between us all. We threw her by not kicking off. We went, we were dignified and it really really pissed her off. It was deeply satisfying and I think you will find that the Christening will be the same. Your In-laws will all know what's happened, so who will look the fool on the day? Not you, that's for sure! Go and watch her squirm (oh, and and report back to us, obviously!!!)

IMHO I think your OH has been quite selfish by going out with his mates and getting pissed when you are so upset. It sounds to me as if he is hiding and hoping it will go away. It won't and now he'll have to face it in the morning with a hangover. Just make sure you take your DD into him first thing and ask him to change a pooey nappy. That will focus his mind before you have a little chat!

Good luck. I hope the christening goes OK.

THUM - your MIL is jealous of you. Her ds lives with you, not her, as does her gdd.

Jealousy. Pure and simple.

Seconding other more generous posters - H has had a shock. There is no way this time he cn ignore or excuse Hag in Law's behaviour and now has to face up to it. Probably trying to avoid doing that by getting trolleyed.

Sod him. Get a lovely takeaway (hope you've still got the credit card) and try again in the morning. The best thing you can do to that spiteful bitch is sort your relationship with H. She'll be super pissed when she realises her disgusting little plan backfired. The rest of the family sound wise to her ways - that's good, doesn't mean any of you should have to tolerate it though.

THUM glad you had a great day, hope it all works out in the end so to speak.
You need to get to the bottom of DH and his lack of bollocks regarding Mil and what has happend.
He stil thinks thats it all done and sorted, dont let him get off scott free.

Take care.

I like the idea that he got drunk because he was so traumatised by his mother's behaviour

But I fear that's unlikely

Maybe he got drunk because he wanted to?

He is probably feeling ashamed, confused and is choosing to try and bury his head in the sand, but realising that he can't do that anymore.

It takes a lot of nerve and background support to stand up to your parents. He is going to be almost literally wetting himself with having to do that. I myself stood outside their door having to force myself to knock on their door before I went in there. I also had to bring a piece of paper with what I wanted to say.

Please do not think he this is going to be easy for him. I agree that it is something that he needs to do, but please bear in mind that it is him that is risking losing his parent over this (I lost mine because I dared stand up to them). Still think it was worth it though (me standing up to them).

I am SO please you are going to the christening after all and I hope you have a lovely time. The idea of you effectively hiding away when you'd been so dreadfully wronged was really sad, and I'm also glad there are some really lovely supportive people in your extended family.

I still want to slap your H for you. Getting drunk is an avoidance tactic, poor diddums, because he doesn't want to face the music. Going off to play little boys' games was unfeeling enough in the circumstances but then to choose to make himself more or less non-communicado is actually pretty contemptuous if you ask me.

I hope to god he's got the guts to accept responsibility for his actions tomorrow and begs your forgiveness as well as being totally honest with you over the whole thing. Call me cynical but I did wonder if he's avoiding you because he hasn't yet got the pathetic excuses story straight with monster-in-law.

Oooh, in your face, MIL! I'm so glad you are going to the christening. Hold your head high and MIL will feel like a complete idiot, not to mention quite embarrassed in front of her family. I hope. Although there's always the chance that she will still think she's not done anything wrong and that you're overreacting. Oh, how I hate passive aggressive co-dependent people.

OH, and OMG, yes, it matters that he's an only child. Explains some of MIL crazy controlling behaviour. As you say, she wants to keep him for herself. [shudder] I'm sure that also makes it a bit harder for your DH, since he has no buffer - he bears the brunt of all her controlling, manipulating and scheming. Still, I think he's being a big baby (probably raised to be that way) and hope he snaps out of it. You deserve better!

Ok have been with this thread from the beginning but didnt comment yesterday. Though today I am just and by his behaviour today. Going to the pub the coming home pissed and continuing to drink. As far as I am concerned you are now being a doormat! Sorry don't mean to be harsh but now is the time (actually when he told you he was still going out tonight was the time) to start with some action.

He is a grown up with a young family and needs to take things seriously and SO DO YOU! This all seems to be playing out like a game almost. Neither of you seem to be steeping up and saying ok lets sort this NOW!

There is no way I would be putting up with his type of behaviour, from the going to bed and burying his head in the sand last night (thank god he saw sense there) through to the seeing friends tonight. But what makes it worse is that you are enabling this behaviour.

I really really hope that soon, very soon, you will both sit down and REALLY talk this through in the light of day and get it sorted.

Wow! I've just managed to trawl through first thread (taken me 2 days!) and now I'm here. Haven't anything else to add other than well done you! I would be screaming, crying and would have taken him and his stuff to his mums by now (but then thats what she wants isn't it! ) You've done very well not to play into her hands, and I'm so glad you have a lovely support network around you! (I know it's nothing new, but I had to say something after all that time trying to catch up!)

I can't believe he's pissed! (and at 7.30 too, lightweight! )

Now I know what I;ll be doing wth my weekend!

gosh you mean no one has given you an explanation? god. its unreal. I thought I had missed something.

anyway, What are you wearing? hope its fabulous.

took me while too, i think dh`s behaving really badly, and coming home drunken does not solve problem. he is acting childish, later or not you got to talk to him
do you think he will be coming home drunken every night in the hope he never have to explain himself.
poor you.