I've just received a text from MIL which I think was meant for DH and it has upset me. PART TWO

[Thishasupsetme]

Hi all, new thread so I can update

lol at bastardising classes

Yes Attila, this thread was the first thing I thought about when DH told me about the phonecall, he also said he was waiting for it after reading this thread.

It's good we are both aware of what steps she might/will take but I can see it is hard for DH.

Whoops bastarding not bastardising classes

THUM,

It certainly is hard for your DH as well; he's learnt a lot of hard lessons recently and his own Mother will stop at nothing.

He certainly needs to read "Toxic Parents" painful though that will be for him as well.

Ask away!

Thanks everyone.

geisha, last year my dad was rushed to the A&E dept of our local hospital. He was kept in and diagnosed with extremely high bp, and has an irregular heartbeat.
This is all despite my dad eating healthily 95% of the time, excercising 5 times a week, never smoked and only drank occasionaly. He has now given up drinking all together on the advice of the doctors. His BP will not come down and he is on many meds including beta blockers and blood thinners. On the 24th of this month he has to go for an operation to stop his heart and restart it.

Could you explain this op to me as I am very worried about him. He is only 59 by the way.
Thank you.

THUM - hope your Dad is ok, that is a bit worrying but at least they are on top of trying to sort it out.

for you that your MIL has followed the "bastard toxic parent script" so closely - betcha she hasn't read the book!

Congratulations on No. 2 - and I think you should tell your family, so that they can share your joy. Your MIL has created this situation where she has excluded herself from your family unit - she has therefore forfeited the right to be given special rights and special consideration. Tell those who you love, and those who will be happy for you - if that doesn't include her, so be it. She will hear about it from other family members if they choose to tell her - she can then decide herself what to do/ say about it. You can always say you didn't tell her because you didn't want to over-excite her with her perilous heart condition!

Finally, let go of the anger around the situation at the christening - she is a very stupid manipulative woman and although I can totally understand your feelings at her treatment of your DD, harbouring those feelings isn't going to do you any good, especially now when you need to be relaxed and calm.

Message withdrawn

Thanks everyone, I think we will wait until at least after the first scan before telling people.
I'm quite well paddeed out so people probably wont notice anything yet

We are still waiting to hear from sfil about mils cndition/appointment. DH told sfil to keep him informed, but Dh is not running off to be at her side (Which is what we all know she wants). He is keeping his distance. If he hadn't read this thread then I think he would have gone round to be with her. I really must get the toxic parents books. I will have to wait until DH gets paid though.

congratulations on number two!

lucifer is so correct about people following their scripts. i read a book about abusive controlling men, and i couldn't believe it. my hadns shook as i was turning the pages in shock.

i had thought he was a freak. turns out he is not a freak, he is a depressingly predictable controlling bully. but i have as little to do with him as is possible when you have two children.

TNM, it is true, I didn't know any of this before I started this thread. I have had so much excellent advice from MNers.

It is depressingly sad that people with controlling natures follow such a precise script, I was shocked when we heard about mils 'illness', not shcoked that she is supposedly ill, but shocked that it was predicted that she would do this.
DH and I looked like this

What a life to lead where you have to be incontrol of everyone elses life and have them revolve around you, like my mil is. I would find it too much like hard work.

THUM
Firstly huge congratulations!
Secondly that MIL is pulling this stunt (if she isn't ill, which I really do doubt).
Thank goodness that your DH is wised up to her now and you are a strong family unit who have the ability to choose what (if any) contact MIL has with you.

The op your dad is having sounds like an elective DC cardioversion. He will receive a light anaesthetic to put him to sleep and then he will receive a controlled electric current applied to the chest with a defibrilator in an attempt to revert his heart rhythm from atrial fibrilation to normal sinus rhythm. This sounds a scary procedure, but in reality in takes less than 10 minutes start to finish and usually necesitates a half day recovery in hospital. This is a relatively safe and problem free procedure. It is an electric shock to the heart but it is done in a very safe and controlled environment. The British Heart FOundation is a good website for further info, but feel free to ask anything that comes to mind! www.bhf.org.uk

geisha, thank you. It all sounds so easy and not at all how I imagined it. You know all I heard was electric shock to the heart and it just conjures up such horrible thoughts.

I don't think it's easy for anyone to come to terms with the fact that their parents are getting older and are not as fit as they used to be

thank you.

You're welcome. The heart is a very simple organ and the things we can do to it are also simple and often very effective. Just out of interest what hospital will your dad be attending?

Congratulations THUM and of course Mr Thum.

Its a small town one, not a lovely big city one. We have a great maternity unit here but there have been so many mishaps at our local hospital that it is worrying me beyond belief.

I will CAT you with the hospital, but I don't want to give too much away on here incase anyone in rl recognises me sorry.

I have CATd you

Sorry to hear about your dad THUM, try not to worry too much.

Congratulations on your pregnancy! How lovely to have some happy news to focus on

Honestly, just put MIL to the back of your mind- she sounds like a complete crank, and not worth worrying over now you've got more pressing concerns.

I had a thought about you this week- have you considered changing your name to THUM so we can all keep in touch with you but you aren't forever saddled with a misery name IYSWIM? All the best to you love!

BitofFun, good idea.

I do have another name on here but name changed for this thread. But for the purpose of this thread I will hitherto be known as THUM

Your MIL is barking isn't she? Congratulations to you and Mr Thum on your news,

Got that THUM. It doesn't need to be a big city hospital for this procedure a local distric general will cope just fine. try not to worry.

"By Heated on Sat 08-Nov-08 16:58:02

Expect her to have a health scare about now, or at least lots of wailing/depression which masks her seething anger and self-pity. She may even manipulate step FIL to intercede on her behalf with your dh."

...and right on cue!!

She will now expect dh to rush round & feel guilty. If he doesn't express remorse she will prod him, suggesting that you are both to blame (by dh "giving in" to you)whilst adopting a martyrish air.

Imo neutral is the best way to combat martyrdom, as you would a tantruming toddler, so it's not rewarded. "Sorry you're ill", "Hope you feel better soon", maybe send a card and cut off her reproaches.