I've just received a text from MIL which I think was meant for DH and it has upset me. PART TWO

[Thishasupsetme]

Hi all, new thread so I can update

well done that is wonderful news.

i feel i may remember this thread in the future if/when i am lucky enough to become a mother in law myself. i watched ds asleep earlier, simply cannot imagine cutting him and his future family out of my life like your mil has.

glad today has gone well, your mil is a silly, silly woman

Glad the day went well.

Your lemon sucking MIL sounds like a diamond (rough round the edges)

You sound really well-loved by the rest of his family (battleaxe excluded). She is so stupid to compete with you. Even not trying you will always be the clear 'winner' (by being her son's wife and her granddaughter's MOTHER. Probably doesn't help that you're a couple of decades younger too).

Glad it went well though!

THUM, glad your DH made the call and you handled it so well. Hopefully this is the start of a more balanced relationship. Glad MIL finally had her comeuppance.

She is such a stupid stupid woman! What has come out of this? Nothing but your DH seeing her for what she is and destroying their relationship, your relationship with her and her relationship with her only DGD. Stupid woman.

Is the cousin's mum your MIL's sister? Can she talk to her?

Very restrained - I would have walked up to her and said something like, 'thanks, I got your text...'

Great news. Am really pleased for you

Has she always been this nuts? If not is there any chance she could be ill? Not excusing her behaviour, but just wondering

Good girl. What a stupid woman she is.

I bet your glad the day is over.

Envy is a terrible thing. She may have resented you, happy with your DD and your DH. That resentment could have gradually built up so that everything you did or said was seen by her in the worst possible light, and as justifying her own behaviour.

You can sometimes see that on threads here where the OP is being unreasonable, whether they realise it or not.

And am so glad that today and yesterday have gone well for you

And it looks like she's about to miss out on an imminent new grandchild if those jumping ovaries are anything to go by!
Really glad this has turned out so well in the end. And it's sounds as if DH's resolve has been strengthened by her attitude today. Because if she'd tried the 'poor little me' routine, he might have wavered. Although I can't imagine you letting him.

Bet you never imagined this would run to over 1400 posts!

Oh THUM glad you have a great day, Its her loss and I bet she is sething for being caught out and also for the fear of not seeing her DS or DGD for a while.
You watch out for her, she could be back all nice as pie with other things up her sleeve.

Hugs to all

I have known her to be like this with other people but never me, obviously she has (WRT the wedding I was not told about) but I didn't know at the time, so really this kinda came out of the blue for me.

We had, I thought, a pretty decent mil/dil relationship, we have been on girlie weekends before and done other stuff, just the two of us pretty much like a daughter and a mum would do. When I fell pg with Dd, I noticed subtle changes in her. When I gave birth it became like a competition in many aspects. Especially with my mum, like if my mum had been here a couple of hours then mil would have to. If my mum had hold of DD for a certain amount of time, mil would have to have hold of her for longer.

My mum would come round and clean, cook, walk the dog etc for me as I had had an emergency c section, my scar got infected and I was quite ill with it. Mil would come round take DD off me and expect to be waited on hand and foot. Luckily for me my mum and DSIL were here a lot so would put mil in her place, but I could tell she didn't like it.

I may be over analysing things here, but as the MIL doesn't have a daughter, then she's not used to having another female at immediate family dos. I don't think she wants the granddaughter to be her OWN. she just doesn't know how to relate to another female in the family without competing with her.

my xmil is a shocker too, in different ways, more openly hostile. BUT she had only sons, and she tended to 'compete' with me. I was no spring chicken, I was 30 but yet she'd be regaling me with stories of how vivacious she and her friends all were, the coded message being,I'm still so attractive.

I notice that the mil is only 52, so she is still a relatively young woman. She is so jealous it is eating her alive.

So pleased that you went today and that DH has showed you that he is actually the man you always hoped he would be.
Hope you are ok too Mr THUM.

Well done you!!!!! Ic an't believe she turned up. And if I wasn't before, I am now so at her for ignoring your DD!! Imagine showing your true colours in front of the whole family though... mad cow! You'll never understand her, so don't even try!

Lucykate I too often look at these MIL threads and vow to myself NEVER to be like it with my 2 DS's, they are my life and I can't imagine ever not wanting to be a part of theirs

Oh clam, I never in a million years expected to have so many posts, it has been said before but this really is MN at its best. I couldn't have gotten through these last few days if it wasn't for MN and my family and eventually DH.

The fishwife would have broken free and DH would probably be living back at his mums right now.

The thought of a collective MN fishwifing for me, helped me to keep calm and a semi level head. Although at times I wanted to scream and shout, but I am so happy at the end product.

I understand from what others have psoted that this is probably not the end of this so I will have to keep a very close eye on DH and mils activities WRT to me and DD.

She will not win this, I am detirmined on that.

But jodie, she does want to be part of her DS's life. But it's got to be on her terms. And she'd really rather THUM wasn't part of the picture.
She actually sounds rather dangerous, and I hope she doesn't sink even lower and cook up darker deeds in future.

I didnt give you any advice but am really pleased this worked out and taught me to be less of a fishwife.

The sad thing about all of this, apart from the effect it has on you and your relationship, is that your MIL seems to be suffering from some kind of persoanlity disorder which probably hasn't been diagnosed. Particularly as at some point she seems to have beenble to make the effort to attempt some kind of close relationship with you.

Not suggesting that it is your job to get involved but the toxic behaviour she is displaying may have become so ingrained and appears to have been a fairly constant thing in her life.

good for you for going and for getting your DH to break the cycle of dependant behaviour.

The sad thing about all of this, apart from the effect it has on you and your relationship, is that your MIL seems to be suffering from some kind of persoanlity disorder which probably hasn't been diagnosed. Particularly as at some point she seems to have beenble to make the effort to attempt some kind of close relationship with you.

Not suggesting that it is your job to get involved but the toxic behaviour she is displaying may have become so ingrained and appears to have been a fairly constant thing in her life.

good for you for going and for getting your DH to break the cycle of dependant behaviour.

Well done THUM, glad today went well.

I've been talking to my dh about this thread - his mother was very similar and he never stood up to her, and my own mother (also dead) was a toxic parent. Even though our problems are literally dead and buried, I'm thinking of getting the toxic parents book, not least to make sure we never end up like it.

I only wish I'd had MN at the time I was having problems with both of them.

My dh asked me "do the people the women are complaining about (on MN) realise they're not just taking them on, they're taking on hundreds of other women?"

Yaaayyaaayya! I love a happy ending!
Well done TUHM.
ANd best wishes for the months ahead keeping the old witch in her place!

So glad that you and DH have come thru the EMIL episode.