I've just received a text from MIL which I think was meant for DH and it has upset me. PART TWO

[Thishasupsetme]

Hi all, new thread so I can update

Well done THUM, now don't let this problem ruin your good nature or become a central issue between you and him.

Just keep an eye on her from the distance, just in case

Crikey, what a thread. I have just caught up with both threads over thepast hour, as I have not been on here for a few days.

THUM, you have behaved with amazing dginity with you DH, it must have been very hard for you. I am pleased for you that your DH grew some balls and that the rest of his family are understanding and taking your side.

THis really has been MN at its best, the reason that such a place exists, it really gives you faith in this website and its members.

I've been following this, and haven't posted as I couldn't add anything.

But I now have to post because if you want to rip your MIL's head off for ignoring her grand-daughter (who was obviously pleased to see her), then I would like to spit in her neck.

To treat a toddler like that is disgusting.

So glad you had a lovely day.

Have you also said to DH how upset you are about the way she has acted towards you when you thought that you had a decent relationship with her (i.e girlie weekends etc)?

She has treated all of you badly in so many ways, I don't know how you can even start to deal with it - I would be so angry.

Just continue to be honest with your DH about how you feel and let him know he can be honest with you too.

My potential MIL is great - DP is very much a mummy's boy but she treats me so well and not at all like you would expect the mother of one to be. However my sister's MIL is another story altogether and it is hard to deal with someone who tries to control the person you love so much and hurts him in doing so.

Good luck to you both - I hope that you continue to be very happy together.

THUM, well done! You have handled the whole thing brilliantly. I think fate stepped in with that mis-sent text!

You have done so well, THUM, to fight for your family. I am glad dh stepped up to the plate for you.

hurrah, job well done

DH knows how upset I am over all of this, but to be perfectly honest, I am/was more upset at how DH handled it and treat me at the beginning of all this. I am happy that he finaly did the right thing, but it should never have come to this.

It is something that I am going to have to deal with on my own I think as DH has enough going on dealing with his mum and having the realisation that she is in fact as mad as a box of frogs. The last thing he needs is me moaning/nagging in his ear.

I have however told him that I will not tollerate that sort of behaviour from him again (he seemed to revert to a 15 year old teenager). If it were to happen again (Mil aside) then I will go and I will take DD with me as I and DD do not deserve the way he was when all of this happened.

I know it sounds OTT and probably a bit nasty, but I have to protect DD and I from things like that and no one not even DH will come before DD in my life.

Once again,you ahve handled this perfectly! I hope I could do so well in your position.

Heres to you and dh having a better relationship from now on and mil figuring out that she will end up alone by behaving like this.

Well done THUM and Mr THUM. And yar boo sucks to the old lemon-sucker in the corner - how stunningly immature and tragic of her to ignore her own GDD out of spite.

You are much better off having discovered what she is like now before she could start to influence your DD - and I hope that you and your DH manage to work out some way of dealing with her that doesn't actually exclude her forever, umless that's the way she decides to go of course.

I would like to add a word here about a friend of mine - her DM never got on with her own dad so my friend grew up not knowing her GF. When she was a teenager, she contacted her GF (feeling that her DM had done her a disservice) and he came back into their lives. Well, he was a toxic parent and g'parent too and in the end my friend wished she hadn't ever contacted him. Sometimes it is not the best thing to allow these toxic types to stay in the family circle.

Good luck with everything in the future!

Yay THUM! So glad today went well and so VERY glad you have addressed dh's initial behaviour as well.

If she did that in front of the whole family though, she would hardly be in a position to cook up darker deeds. Everyone has witnessed her ignoring THUM's dd and at least one more person knows what was going on because THUM's dh told him. That will spread like wildfire through the family and they'll all be on the alert now. The silly old moo's cooked her own goose.

Glad to see a good result! Well Done!

THUM, you are doing the right thing with your DH.

However I would think that it was the guilty feelings he had that made him behave so badly - I know my DH is not the only one to revert to sulky teenagehood whenever he is caught out in "wrongdoing" of any kind - I think it is fairly standard behaviour! Albeit not helpful. I hope you never have the need to put your threat into action - I hope he has got it now but as I said before, it could take a while to change his habits completely, so perhaps cut him just a wee bit of slack?

What a great ending THUM. And, you're right, it go have all gone so differently. A good model for us all.

Well done THUM and your DH, I have lurked for a while. But couldn't add anything that someone else had already said but much better. I hope things improve for you all but just one note of caution you do not have to have a toxic parent (which your MIL definately is) to respond how you did as a child. That is ingrained behaviour, and not always harmful as long as you are aware of it.

Just a big for you!

And if we had one

Message withdrawn

Delighted with the happy ending!

LOL at collective fishwifing, and THUM I think you were fantastic throughout, didn't slag people off unnecessarily and kept your eye on everyone's best interests, while being graceful, calm and dignified. I am sure your family will be tighter and happier for all of this. And with the lepping ovaries ... ahem... well perhaps that will be another thread ...

Just read (most) of those 1500ish posts, don't feel like I have anything to add but wanted to say that you've been incredible. So mature and calm and sensible. Well done, and I hope your DH manages to be strong and deal with his mother better from now on.

Brilliant THUM.

You should be v v v v v v v v v v proud of yourself.

I've been following this thread all the way along but haven't even attempted to offer advice as you have so much already!

It's worked out in the best way - she revealed herself for what she was to your DH and he has come to the realisation by himself. I think you will see a permanent change in him after this where she is concerned. Don't be too hard on him - yes, he acted badly but he came through in the end and it was a tough situation for him too.

Horrid that she is actually including your DD in this nastiness but she's banging the nails in her own coffin so let her carry on - just shield DD from it as much as you can.

I'm so glad it's all working out for you!

I'm very pleased its sorted, but believe me it won't stop here.

I don't envy you one bit....this almost how it started with my MIL.
She died a few years ago, she hadn't seen the children in god know how long and had only seen ds3 twice but her pride just wouldn't let her apologise but then I think I was so angry I wouldn't have accepted an apology anyway.

All the stuff that went on still goes around and around in my head, it didn't stop when she died. Its all my own problem now and its really hard to forget all the stuff she did and said, I'll never forget TBH...

THUM, just think of it this way. At least she has taught you how to be a good MIL. Thats the one saving grace from mine.