I've just received a text from MIL which I think was meant for DH and it has upset me.

[Thishasupsetme]

The message said 'Looking forward to Sunday, I'll pick you and DGD up at 1.30pm for X's christening, remember not to mention it to DW'
DH has told me that he is going to take DD out for a few hours on Saturday to give me some time to myself, but it looks like he is going to his family members christening and I am not invited.
I didn't know I had upset anyone. DD was christed 6 months ago now and all of his family were invited and his cousin is DD godmother.
I am really upset. I don't know if I should mention it to him or hust leave it.

Haven't they texted back yet????

I need to know what's going on.
Great how MN sucks you in isn't it
Very for you, I would be very upset by this too.

i'd be phoning the mum of the baby to be christened and saying " i've just found out from mil that there's a christening on sunday that my husband and daughter are coming to and I didn't know anything about it. I'm really confused, what's going on? Have I upset you? Is there something I should know? Because this has upset me and I'm eager to get to the bottom of it and sort it out"

ok, I know I am probably completely off track but it's not your birthday or anniversary that day is it, she may have sent it on purpose to throw you off the scent of a surprise party (clutching at straws possibly). It just seems ridiculous that this could have been sent to you by mistake.

I think it is quite clear what has happened/was meant to happen and you would be very much within your 'rights' to calmly tell your DH that your daughter will never be going anywhere where her mother is not welcome. Not now, not ever.

On a separate note, I would also clobber DH if he ever planned to lie to me and go somewhere I wasn't wanted, rather than stand up in my name and say "It is my WIFE you are talking about. If you don't want her, you will not see me there, either".

I just got a text from DH it says, 'sorry, didn't want you to find out like this, speak when I get home'
This is really upsetting me, I am on the verge of tears.
What on earth do I say to that text. I feel like he isn't taking into account how much it has upset me.
Shall I just wait till he gets home. He has finished work now but has some things to do so wont be home for a while yet.

His loyalty is to YOU, NOT to his mother! If that is not the case, you have a BIG problem.

I think you should have it out with him. It is unacceptable of him to collude with his mother against you, it makes a mockery of your marriage.

And text his mother back, maybe saying "I assume you meant to send that to my husband, not me. I will pass on your message of course."

Have you heard anything back yet? I really hope there is a good explanation, fingers crossed for you.

Are your names similar?

I mean like John and Joan
Could she have sent it by mistake even??

I mean if your name is Scherezade and dh is Bob it is unlikely that she could have selected the wrong name in error

Ask him to come home now - it needs sorting out.

lol, flame
I'm not a big drinker and usually don't drink much other that one or two glasses of wine if at all TBH.

I agree with Cote. DH would be getting a kick up the arse from me.

I agreee that the fact that your DH seems to have previous knowledge of the plan is more upsetting than the mil's involvement, and I would be more concerned about that, and the fact that he is in on the plan to lie to you, make you look foolish in front of the whole family and and sneak about with your dd behind your back.

Can I ask, how old is your dd??? I know my dd1 would be telling me all about it, or asking why I wasn't going too. She is 5

I personally wouldn't wait until he gets home I would ask him to call me now or call him myself but I am very like that. Things for me have to be sorted out there and then and there is NO WAY I could sit and be upset and stew on it until he got home.

Tell him NOW how much this has upset you and you want to know what the heck is going on.

Cote is speaking much sense here, wish you could put her and Blu in your pocket for whispered suggestions on what to say later- I would go absolutely hysterical.

oh sorry, x post. How awful. NOT that you weren't invited, but that your husband attempted to deceive you. He put them above you, his wife, and imo, that is unforgivable behaviour. Good luck listening to whatever pathetic excuses he cobbles together.

OK, dry your tears and start getting angry.

You need to be strong. If you will show emotion at all, it should be anger, not tears.

Whatever story he tells you, whatever the circumstances, the bottomline is that he lied to you, schemed behind your back, and took the side of those who don't want you. That is backstabbing.

He needs to be very clear that this cannot happen in a marriage. If he wants to take sides against you, there is the door.

However quickly you forgive him, whatever he says or does, your DD is not going to this Christening this Sunday and MIL is in for a long period of chill, and should apologize & make amends.

sadia, that is what I cant understand, if it was near my bday or our anniversary it wouldn't have bothered me, but my birthday is 6 months away and our anniversary is a few days after my bday.

I would wait for him to get home and the arsekicking he so richly deserves. He made his vows to you, his loyalty should be with you.

I am sorry but that really is extremely hurtful. Agree with cote, there is no possibility that my DD would be going to a fmily christening I had been excluded from.

God me neither
I would freak out if he didn't come home immediately.

What possible reason could he have for colluding with your MIL against you in this way?

And was he going to get your dd to lie about where they had been? (or is she too small)

DD is 18mo BTW.

It's good that he replied straight away, and is not attempting further cover-up.

Not good that you have to wait til he comes home...but if you can wait, if you have nerves of steel or the calm of Buddha, then waiting may well be best.

Or ask him if he could come home asap, please.

TRy and remain polite at least until full story is out.

I'm sorry but I think he needs to get home now. I am thinking of him getting there on sunday with dd in tow and them all wiping their brows and saying oh well done, you made it without her.
Sorry I know that might upset you, I'm sure it's already gone thru your mind tho and it's just WRONG.
He needs to do some fast explaining without the chance to collaberate a story with his mother first. What a horrible woman if she did this on purpose. What a horrible woman to be doing it anyway

How horrible for you

if it were my family my daughter would NOT be going. Let the gutless snake go on his own.

I think he has betrayed your trust tbh

Which is a big thing

Sorry if I've missed this but are your names likely to be next to each other in her phones list of people eg. Sarah and Sam -that would show that it was most likely accidental and that she wasn't sending the text deliberately and vindictively so you would find out like this.

(Not that that changes the fact that this has been planned behind your back though)