I've just received a text from MIL which I think was meant for DH and it has upset me.

[Thishasupsetme]

The message said 'Looking forward to Sunday, I'll pick you and DGD up at 1.30pm for X's christening, remember not to mention it to DW'
DH has told me that he is going to take DD out for a few hours on Saturday to give me some time to myself, but it looks like he is going to his family members christening and I am not invited.
I didn't know I had upset anyone. DD was christed 6 months ago now and all of his family were invited and his cousin is DD godmother.
I am really upset. I don't know if I should mention it to him or hust leave it.

If all the issues with MIL are not sorted by Sunday and THUM goes the christening as a family unit, the MIL knows that thum wouldnt cause a stir and the whole event will be brushed under the carpet until the next time. MIL would have won!!
If she walked in 1-2 hours later with DD (dh has to decide loyalties) everyone will wonder where she is and she has the chance to be frosty with MIL or casually mention mil forgot to invite her.
Not explaning very well but im sure you all get the picture.

Its sad to miss the christening but this needs sorting for future episodes. Don't let MIL think you are pushover and will back down when clearly you have done nothing wrong.

If THUM doesnt go to the Christening, the whole family will think either
a) that THUM is a cow to snub the Christening
b) that there is a reason why she was not invited which dc is denying out of politeness.

YOU HAVE TO GO TO THAT CHRISTENING.

And at some point, you should bend over to your MIL with a crystal clear sharp glance and say "dont you EVER pull such a stunt again you old bag"

Could you say FUCKING OLD BAG, howgood would that be.

no, she mustn say "fucking", in fact she shouldnt even say "old bag". THUM does not want to give MIL any chance of telling half a tale and say that THUM was rude to her.

it was only a joke,

The more I think about this, the more I would absolutely go to that christening and pretend nothing is wrong. Would totally blank MIL though but it's got bugger all to do with her who goes.

Don't know what I'd do about DH though

Point is though that MIL didn't forget to invite THUM. She lied to THUM's dh and told him that THUM wasn't invited. There is a world of difference between forgetting to do something and deliberately lying about it. If you refer to it as MIL forgetting, you are effectively letting her get away with a huge and nasty deception.

I have had a lovely day today, SIL and I took the christeninf present round to DCIL and she told me in no uncertain terms that I am coming to the christening I told her I was worried about mil kicking off, and she said to leave her to her mum (mils sister), so I am going and so is DD and DH. I am nervous as hell tbh.

DCIL said her mum (mils sister) is livid and has already had words with her and mil is denying it all, so I showed her the text from mil and told her what DH finaly told me last night. She was
DH's aunt (DCIL's mum) has also apparently had words with DH today, I have spoken to DH to see what time he will be home and he didn't mention it so I will be quizing him when he gets home.

I hope to have him speak to mil before Sunday if poss as I would like the groundrules put into operation before we go.

SIL took me shopping on the way back into town and DH's credit card has treat me and DD to new outfits for Sunday Then we had a late lunch with was very relaxing. SIL has a way of just listening and just knowing what to say when to say it iyswim.

DH is an only child, do you think this is relevent as to why their relationship is so unusual.

I want to thank everyone for all the advice and help and support you have given me, between you all and my SIL you have practically saved my marriage. I would have normally turned in to a harridan of a screaming fishwife.
THANKYOU

I agree your dh needs to grow a pair and tell his Mum she is bang out of order. He needs to be be pissed off that she lied about you and to him!
Now the cousin knows the truth, I can't imagine for a million years she want MIL at the Christening.
Your MIL should stay at home feeling like the shit she is and you, dh & dd should go and celebrate with his cousin.

Glad you've had a good day. Doesn't shock in the slightest that MIL denied it. I do agree that you still need to set ground rules - although i can't believe he's still going out.

Also regardless if you DH is an only child - i still think his mother is being a royal pain in the arse - she shouldn't be this way she should be happy for DH and you and your DD.

Thishasupsetme, you should be very proud as how you have handled all of this. Am so glad to hear that you had a good day, and that you are going to the christening.

Hope you all have a wonderful day (well apart from MIL and DH).

So glad you had a lovely day

Hope you and DH have a constructive evening - make sure you keep us posted!!

Before the thread runs out, just wanted to say WELL DONE and please, please keep us all updated.

OMG, just noticed how many posts you have all made to this thread Thank you.

it'll run out at 1000. You should start a new thread for updates . We'll be agog all weekend!

1000

I don't think it is an only-child thing at all. I think it's a, deeply insecure mother thing. Well done for handling it so well. Go on Sunday and hold your head up high, your MIL should be ashamed of herself.

Sorry, I have followed the thread but felt you had plenty of good advice without me (not to mention I can't type fast enough to keep up with you all )

I just wanted to say I am glad you are going on Sunday but most of all I am glad to see that you used DH's credit card to buy DD new outfits .

Didn't post before but have been following the thread...

Yes, the only child thing is probably very relevant. I have known another MIL who keeps following her ds around - she move to the place he went to university, moved to the town he lived in later... is possibly angling to follow him to the country he has emigrated to (obv didn't take the hint when he emigrated!). Has been nasty to his wife, etc, etc.

Don't know how old the MIl is but have you considered feigning concern that she got "confused" about the invitation and suggest she see her gp in case she is suffering from dementia?

I hope you and dd have a lovely day. Post on here to link to the update site x

THUM, quick, tell us where you'll be posting the update. Or at least make the new thread title obvious!!!!! Good luck tonight with DH, and on Sunday!

THUM I have followed this but not posted before as I had nothing to add to what the other wise ones were saying, but feel I have to congratulate you on how you have handled it - I had an issue with my MIL recently and forced DH to back me, which he did and we are now a stronger partnership and much happier for it, so good luck to you, enjoy the christening!

new thread

Go, and tell everyone (with a tinkling laugh) how MIL tried to suppress your invitation. Let her be on the receiving end of a few hard stares and whispers.