I've just received a text from MIL which I think was meant for DH and it has upset me.

[Thishasupsetme]

The message said 'Looking forward to Sunday, I'll pick you and DGD up at 1.30pm for X's christening, remember not to mention it to DW'
DH has told me that he is going to take DD out for a few hours on Saturday to give me some time to myself, but it looks like he is going to his family members christening and I am not invited.
I didn't know I had upset anyone. DD was christed 6 months ago now and all of his family were invited and his cousin is DD godmother.
I am really upset. I don't know if I should mention it to him or hust leave it.

perhaps she wanted you to see it?

"A wicked part of me would go along with this ..... up until half an hour before and then I would say "Do you know - I think I would rather spend time with you than stay here on my own"

I would definitely do that!

One way or another you need to address this with your DH. He should not allow his mother to treat you this way, you are part of the family.

I think that is a very good idea Blu.

LLPJ, no nothing like that that I can think of, the mum of the little boy being christened is DD's godmother and her daughter was my bridesmaid.

I would definitely prefer to be told if there is a reson for me not going. If they were trying to spare your feelings, then they have failed miserably haven't they? And, at some point, you would be together as a family again and someone would be bound to mention it - how woud they think you'd feel then?

If my dh lied to me about where he was going he would be in deep shit. If my MIL told him to lie to me she would be having to do some serious groveling before christmas if she wanted to see the dgcs at all.

You need to find out the full story. Then start kicking serious butt.

I would just say to DH,'So when were you going to tell me about the Christening on Sunday?'

How old id your DD? Would she not come home saying she'd seen her grandmother and cousins etc?

Who would write such a long winded text , surely, "pick you up at 1.30pm on sunday?" would suffice?

Whatever you do or don't do, you must talk directly and seriously with your DH. Just ask him to explain what is going on, and why. Just show him the text and say 'you can imagine how upsetting I found this - can you explain what is going on, please?'

MrsCATH - I thought that too, but didn't want to say. How very sad if that is the case.

I would definately send a message back to mil and then sit back, relax and watch as the two of them start panicking because they have been caught.

I would be more angry with DH though.

Phone him now! I want to know what he says!

I would be more angry with your DH - he has made the decision to not tell you.

Definitely mention it to him. I'd probably send a text back to MIL along the lines of "Any reason why I'm not invited too?"

I like blus suggestion, dignified but making a point, thankyou. Now just to find some guts to do that.

I am sat here wracking my brains to think if I have inadvertantly upset DH's family.

MrsC, do you think, I have known mil to be like that with people, but never towards me.

Blu I wish I could be more like you, I tend to just focus on how upset and angry somebody has made me and that this can never be forgiven.

It is a BIT odd to be so explicit, and add the last bit. I can't imagine sending a text worded like that, even if that was what was going on.

MRC, I wouldn't give either of them the opportunity to cook up an excuse, tbh. Wait till Sunday and decide to go out/spend time together.

Blu's response is the most adult one. Don't be passive aggressive, or simmer about this until Sunday. Get it into the open. I think forwarding the text to both of them, with Blu's message is the best possible response. You really need to know what is going on.
I think it is awful by the way, and can see why you feel upset.

Take's Blu's advice.

Blu is definitely being mature and sensible - go with her not me!!!

i'm glad i'm not the only one who would end up crying and angry though...

can you wait till he comes home?

I think Blu has the right idea

Both her texts are spot on.
Don't game play

"I have known mil to be like that with people, but never towards me. "

In that case there is a reasonable chance that she is trying to stir trouble. But if your DH is being deceitful that is much more worrying and you need to take Blu's advice.

Ah, but Mn is where I allow my inner-sensible-person free rein.

In RL a convo about something like this with DP would almost certainly begin with 'WTF....' and then proceed as i have suggested.

But he is your starting point, asking a question is always better thn slinging out an accusation, and playing games willmake everything much worse in the long run.