I've just received a text from MIL which I think was meant for DH and it has upset me.

[Thishasupsetme]

The message said 'Looking forward to Sunday, I'll pick you and DGD up at 1.30pm for X's christening, remember not to mention it to DW'
DH has told me that he is going to take DD out for a few hours on Saturday to give me some time to myself, but it looks like he is going to his family members christening and I am not invited.
I didn't know I had upset anyone. DD was christed 6 months ago now and all of his family were invited and his cousin is DD godmother.
I am really upset. I don't know if I should mention it to him or hust leave it.

I am so sorry that this has happened to you. It sounds snide and sneaky on your MIL's part and weak & pathetic on your DH's part.

I hope you get it sorted. I echo the views of some of the others above - there is no way I would go somewhere where I obviously was not welcome, and there would be no way that my DD would be going there without me.

Really and for you.

I would have replied 'is this a joke?'

It will be much more daunting for him if you can remain fairly cool about not screeching, threatening and begging to get himself home now. If you do that there is a sense in which he will feel that he has already earned hiself something in mitigation because he has 'given in' to your 'demand' and 'come home to help calm you' - which is neither just nor desirable as a dynamic, but it's what tends to happen.

An 'I'm here, (casual drumming of fingers)waiting, (drum...) for YOU' is a much more unsettlinmg dynamic for him'

i don't thinkit necessarily makes it malicious that your names are not next to each other in the alphabet. She'd just typed your name as the last word in the text, so your name was in her head. Also you were the subject of the text, so you were in her head. I've done this before, sent a text to the person the text was about. And the cold chill that you get when you realise what you've done is something else

i'd still be ringing the mother of the person to be christened. Why shouldn't you? I'd want to hear what's going on from the horses mouth now, rather than waiting for excuses from someone who's lied to me.

get him to call them all whilst being on speaker phone wihtout him telling them you are there...

what;'s that saying baout getting all the liars in the same room

Really feel for you

defeinitely the way to go - cool, polite, slightly frosty, lots of direct eye contact, and don't interrupt him or lose your rag

I was thinking of giving DD's godmother a call, but I am now worried that I have upset her and this is why I have been excluded from the christening, and I dont want to make a fool of myself by ringing her about it.

If short sighted then perhaps a V and a K may look alike and she is probably oldish and not competant in using text messaging - well she's not is she.

Oh this is so sad I really feel for OP having been treated like this....

true, true Freckles. Tell us on another thread sometime what awful things you've texted when we need to cringe! Right now am staying in righteous indignation mode...

Maybe MIL has you on her phone as "DS's wife" so your name is right after his.

I think Mascara has a great idea. And it can be part of his punishment. You can hear what they have to say without them knowing. Then you will really know what the crack is, they also can't wiggle out of it later saying he misunderstood, or got the wrong end of the stick.

Dry your eyes, fix a frosty look on your face and stand there, not speaking when he comes in, just waiting for the BS to flow.

Has DH lied to you about family stuff before?

How very odd. It will be very interesting to see what his excuse is.

Agree that staying icily calm is the way to go. Disdainful if you can manage it.

You - very calm 'So my DD's godmother is having her child christened and I am not invited?'

Him - excuse

You - 'and you were lying to me and going to take my DD under false pretences?'

Him - excuse

You - ICILY calm - 'And you think it is right and fair to 1 exclude me, 2 lie to me and 3 collude with your mother and others about it?

What crossed my mind was: Could it be that because you chose this girl as your baby's godmother, has she chosen someone else (as opposed to you) to be her child's godmother, and assumed this would upset you, so has kept the christening hush-hush?

It's a stupid reason, but then this whole situation seems quite odd. Poor you.

why would you be making a fool of yourself? If she hasn't invited you because she has a problem with you, it's her that looks a fool for not being adult enough to talk to you about it rather than excluding you from a family event and causing trouble with your husband and mother in law.

Just ask her if you've anything to upset her because you're concerned and eager to understand and sort things out.

Blu, remind me never to piss you off!

THUM - I don't have any wise words, but hope you manage to get to the bottom of this.

I'd be damned if DH was going to go without me either!

I wouldn't speak to anyone, until you have spoken to DH, tbh. Otherwise there will be all sorts flying round everywhere, everyone talking to each other - possibly behind your back. The mother may not even be aware of the plot your MIL has hatched.

Have you any reason to think you have upset her? I would have to be prety bad, surely - and why would MIL be masterminding that?

You have to wonder how long they thought it could be kept from the op tho. Imean there will be pictures, announcements in the paper maybe, and people will talk about it. PLus would the op never have asked when it was going to happen as they were at her dd's. It's ridiculous.

how on earth do the family think they can hold a christening and you not find out?

I would be fuming. I personally would reply to the text with "why? something i should know?"

then allow her to squirm and call you.

james has a point

Did you send your message just to your DH, or to both of them???
If to both, has she not replied yet??

Busy yourself furiously with jobs and tasks...
Do you know what time he might be home?

Your MIL has done this on purpose, without a doubt.

i feel sorry for you, having a MIL who is against you is shit.

Sorry, for clarification, you texted both your dh AND mil, yes? mil hasn't responded, dh has.