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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

40 yr old bachelor needs some advice!

634 replies

saracenandy · 21/10/2008 15:12

Ladies

Can you help? I seem to have long term problems developing relationships with women. I consider myself attractive, active, fit, successful in sport (ex pro rugby player) and business (MD of my own company) but am increasingly frustrated with women I have relationships with. Most do not last more than 3 months.

After a number of initial successes over the years, the ladies have soon lost interest or they just play extraordinary games. I have Tourette's, epilepsy and echopraxia, and when women discover this it seems to be the catalyst for ending what we have, even after things are going swimmingly. BTW my condition does not involve spontaneous profanities or major fits, and I do not consider myself a liability, just in case you wanted to go there! In most respects I consider myself normal. :-)

I have a very comfortable lifestyle but my generosity is often abused. I do not consider myself needy or emotional. I'm not flashy or advertise my wealth. I'm just a sound guy with lots to offer the right woman, so why is it all so difficult?

For instance, my current girlfriend problem is unusual even by my standards. She is 40 also, photographer, beautiful, very sexy, lots of fun, GSOH, and after 6 months I have fallen in love. Trouble is there is no intimacy between us. Last time we snogged was in May, and we've never slept together. She claims she has old-fashioned values, which translates as "I have to submit to her every whim, pay for everything, be at her beck and call, only go out or see each other on her terms etc, etc". Thing is, I don't succumb to her needs, yet she always keeps bouncing back thinking there's nothing wrong, when I tell her its over.

Is it me, or do women of my age not know the word compromise, and don't want to understand me?

Any thoughts or suggestions appreciated.

OP posts:
zippitippitoes · 21/10/2008 16:35

no woman refuses to sleep with a guy because he is too nice

zippitippitoes · 21/10/2008 16:37

i canrt imagine why someone would bother dating for 3 months with no intention of having a relationship

so you must a bit of pushover in the treats department

DumDeDum · 21/10/2008 16:37

Mayby OP is just not as attractive as he thinks he is

zippitippitoes · 21/10/2008 16:38

well you are going wrong somewhere

are you short

ruddynoraaaaaaggggggghhhhh · 21/10/2008 16:39

so tell us..what did you do this weekend with your girlfriend?

VinegArghhhWasStabbedInTheTits · 21/10/2008 16:39

This wpoman is using you, i dont think its a case of you being to nice, i think its a case of you being too desperate, or else you would have dumped her by now

beaniescreamyb · 21/10/2008 16:41

Do you fall in love a lot? How many women have you been in love with?

eeewahwoowah · 21/10/2008 16:41

Then I think the people you come into contact with are pretty shallow.

zippitippitoes · 21/10/2008 16:42

yes i cant imagine why you havent kicked her into touch you are wasting your time with her

zippitippitoes · 21/10/2008 16:43

and you havent answered any questions ive put

saracenandy · 21/10/2008 16:44

My current has never refused to sleep with me becuase I'm too nice. She's never "refused" to have sex with me, just avoids all mention, never stays over. I gave up a long time ago.

In the end ladies, I've made my mind up, she's got to go right now. But I'll call her to explain I want to meet up, and then she'll tell me she's too busy. Then I have to resort to email, which I deplore at the best of times.

OP posts:
beaniescreamyb · 21/10/2008 16:45

OK - Saeacenandy - Do you fall in love with people a lot?

VinegArghhhWasStabbedInTheTits · 21/10/2008 16:46

yes you didnt answer my q either

zippitippitoes · 21/10/2008 16:46

well not mentioning it and not doing it =refusing in my book lol

dump her

it doesnt really matter how

and next time dont leave it so long if it doesnt seem to be any good

ruddynoraaaaaaggggggghhhhh · 21/10/2008 16:47

or mine.

does this happen a lot andy? i mean, we're talking to you, asking you things, but you're kind of ignoring our questions.

zippitippitoes · 21/10/2008 16:47

ding

next

VinegArghhhWasStabbedInTheTits · 21/10/2008 16:47

Hey, i just dicovered your problem, its because you dont listen (well, only to yourself, maybe)

saracenandy · 21/10/2008 16:48

I'm 6'2". I know I'm going wrong in lots of areas but trying to rationalise all of it is difficult for me.

I'm the first to admit I fall in love too easily, but I'm no walkover. I walk away from relationships when I see the signs.

OP posts:
nailpolish · 21/10/2008 16:50

the only reason a woman wont kiss is she finds a man unatrractive

women love kissing

do you have bad teeth? bad breath?

sorry but she musnt find you attractive and thereofre she is using you

she probably has another bloke to snog and sleep with

sorry

go and find a nice girl.

saracenandy · 21/10/2008 16:50

I'm trying to post here, whilst doing my day job, answering the phone, emails, type reports, people visitng my office, etc. So sorry if I can't answer every question right now, although I would like to.

OP posts:
zippitippitoes · 21/10/2008 16:50

i agree you are one dimensional and poor communicator

i would not have lasted to date two

unless possibly you were paying for me to go to nice places

and i didnt even have to touch you

beaniescreamyb · 21/10/2008 16:51

OK - so you fall in love a lot. Have you ever fallen for someone who it turns out was never interested? Is there a chance that this current woman is, and only ever was, a friends and a friend only? Perhaps you are seeing a relationship when there isn't really one. Perhaps you have just been friends for 6 months? Do you think maybe you need some help in working out the difference between friendship and love?

saracenandy · 21/10/2008 16:52

No bad breath I'm afraid. I keep myself well scrubbed with Bliss and Elemis for men.

OP posts:
nailpolish · 21/10/2008 16:52

i think you are in love with the idea of being in love

ruddynoraaaaaaggggggghhhhh · 21/10/2008 16:52

my ex used to take me to nice places. he had a nice car. he had good, er..prospects. but at 28 he was earning £80k a year, and was still living with his mum and dad. i couldn't get past that. i lasted 4 months.