40 yr old bachelor needs some advice!

[saracenandy]

Ladies

Can you help? I seem to have long term problems developing relationships with women. I consider myself attractive, active, fit, successful in sport (ex pro rugby player) and business (MD of my own company) but am increasingly frustrated with women I have relationships with. Most do not last more than 3 months.

After a number of initial successes over the years, the ladies have soon lost interest or they just play extraordinary games. I have Tourette's, epilepsy and echopraxia, and when women discover this it seems to be the catalyst for ending what we have, even after things are going swimmingly. BTW my condition does not involve spontaneous profanities or major fits, and I do not consider myself a liability, just in case you wanted to go there! In most respects I consider myself normal. :-)

I have a very comfortable lifestyle but my generosity is often abused. I do not consider myself needy or emotional. I'm not flashy or advertise my wealth. I'm just a sound guy with lots to offer the right woman, so why is it all so difficult?

For instance, my current girlfriend problem is unusual even by my standards. She is 40 also, photographer, beautiful, very sexy, lots of fun, GSOH, and after 6 months I have fallen in love. Trouble is there is no intimacy between us. Last time we snogged was in May, and we've never slept together. She claims she has old-fashioned values, which translates as "I have to submit to her every whim, pay for everything, be at her beck and call, only go out or see each other on her terms etc, etc". Thing is, I don't succumb to her needs, yet she always keeps bouncing back thinking there's nothing wrong, when I tell her its over.

Is it me, or do women of my age not know the word compromise, and don't want to understand me?

Any thoughts or suggestions appreciated.

i am guessing

i asked but you didnt answer

that you would not date someone who wasnt quite well heeled, good looking and well spoken

what do you actually do with these women

restaurants and opera

You are trying too hard.

You need someone to fancy you and be attracted to YOU not all the crap in the list. Stop with the over the top dating, and and relax.

Do you have lots of friends, go out have a good time with woman included, but don't dote on her or overwhelm her with 'seduction'. Most hate that.

No way is this woman your girlfriend, if she spends time with you like that but won't kiss you, time to ditch and move on.

i am trying to tell you where you are going wrong by the way which this threqd makes glaringly obvious but you arent getting it

which explains where you are going wrong btw

typing one handed

You and the OP both I'd wager, Aitch.

She claims she has old-fashioned values, which translates as "I have to submit to her every whim, pay for everything, be at her beck and call, only go out or see each other on her terms etc, etc"

Is this your translation or hers?
I consider myself to have old-fashioned values, but they certainly don't translate into anything like that.

You're either attracting the wrong women or really don't understand them.

You are coiming across as dull and superfical, is there any depth to your personality?

Saracenandy - may I suggest that you include a photo of yourself if you intend to advertise?

If indeed, you are really seeking advice about sustaining a relationship, singles coaching may help:

www.parship.co.uk/docs/public/coaching/hotline.xhtml

Best of luck!

your list says nothing about you

it is like a tick box of things you THINK should make you attractive

and the Bentley - well it comes across as showing off, even if you think it doesn't

you need to look at your relationships and whether they have been following the same pattern

ie are they all short term etc

the old adage of if you do the same thing you get the same results is something you need to look at

To Kathyis6incheshigh

I've been told I'm enthusiastic, generous, reliable, spontaneous, romantic, not much phases me, life and soul of the party, glass half full. Great with kids, always up for a good night out. Well respected by my friends. Will put myself out for my friends and family. Calm in a crisis.

1. 40 yrs old
2. 6'2"
3. Like to look smart with classic tastes
4. Play rugby, row, cycle, weights
5. Like restaurants, opera, all sorts of music, enjoy cooking, films, travel, evenings in with Lipstick Jungle and a beer.
6. Have 2-bed apartment in SW London
7. Drive a Bentley GTC(this doesn't make me an asshole ladies, or a road hog, or a flash bastard, I just like nice cars)

all this tells me is what you have and what you look llike. It tells me nothing about YOU!

of all the men who have posted on mn you win the competition for having the personality most akin to that of a wet fish

That's much better.

"well respected by my friends"

sorry, that doesnt sound like you are talking about your friends, more like people you know, colleagues

stop being one-dimensional

do you HAVE any friends?
people who you will visit you on a sunday morning and not care if you are still unwashed and in pyjamas? or do you just mean your golf partner

C'mon, he sounds fab. I'd be up for a civil partnership myself if I wasn't already taken.

A Bentley.

what did your friend do for your 40th? did you have a party? what did your girlfriend buy you?

there is just going to be a gap between what you think you want and what you actually look for

you are going to have to be much more forthcoming to get past all this superficial stuff

i think you automatically dismiss the kind of people you think you might like because they dont meet your superficial tick list

You sound really nice Andy. can I go out with you please.

If it weren;t for the fact that my ex drove a rolls not a bently I'd think you were him (even down to location of 2 bed flat)

If it helps I could give you a long list of reasons why he was an arsehole.

Are you Mrs Doubtfire?

Thanks for your support DaDaDa.

Girlfriend bought me some cufflinks and a bottle of champagne for my b'day. She had a great time!

andy- you haven't asked me for the long list of reasons i left my ex, who was a lot like you describe yourself.

Will you marry me andy? I'll kiss you on birthday's and Christmas.