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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

40 yr old bachelor needs some advice!

634 replies

saracenandy · 21/10/2008 15:12

Ladies

Can you help? I seem to have long term problems developing relationships with women. I consider myself attractive, active, fit, successful in sport (ex pro rugby player) and business (MD of my own company) but am increasingly frustrated with women I have relationships with. Most do not last more than 3 months.

After a number of initial successes over the years, the ladies have soon lost interest or they just play extraordinary games. I have Tourette's, epilepsy and echopraxia, and when women discover this it seems to be the catalyst for ending what we have, even after things are going swimmingly. BTW my condition does not involve spontaneous profanities or major fits, and I do not consider myself a liability, just in case you wanted to go there! In most respects I consider myself normal. :-)

I have a very comfortable lifestyle but my generosity is often abused. I do not consider myself needy or emotional. I'm not flashy or advertise my wealth. I'm just a sound guy with lots to offer the right woman, so why is it all so difficult?

For instance, my current girlfriend problem is unusual even by my standards. She is 40 also, photographer, beautiful, very sexy, lots of fun, GSOH, and after 6 months I have fallen in love. Trouble is there is no intimacy between us. Last time we snogged was in May, and we've never slept together. She claims she has old-fashioned values, which translates as "I have to submit to her every whim, pay for everything, be at her beck and call, only go out or see each other on her terms etc, etc". Thing is, I don't succumb to her needs, yet she always keeps bouncing back thinking there's nothing wrong, when I tell her its over.

Is it me, or do women of my age not know the word compromise, and don't want to understand me?

Any thoughts or suggestions appreciated.

OP posts:
Nighbynight · 23/10/2008 06:41

sorry it didnt work out Pan - better luck next time

Flightattendant2 · 23/10/2008 06:47

I don't care about OP but did I just read Pan is single?

EachPeachPearMum · 23/10/2008 09:08

Oh Pan- sorry to hear that.

lou33 · 23/10/2008 09:14

sorry to hear that pan

i remember when zippi was first getting with her bf, it's been a proper little love story

saracenandy · 23/10/2008 10:53

Blimey girls, you have been busy overnight without me!

OP posts:
zippitippitoes · 23/10/2008 10:55

i have an mn tip for you andy

dont stick to your own opening thread it makes you seem weird and self obsessed look at active conversations

VinegArghhhWasStabbedInTheTits · 23/10/2008 11:20

You need to get intouch with MrMajestic and swap notes, he is a nobhead too in a similar situation to yourself

Rose100 · 23/10/2008 11:30

Welcome back Andy. Another top tip.

Andy = ladies
Majestic = girls.

Just so we can tell you two apart .

Rhubarb · 23/10/2008 13:33

Did you know that bogies can sometimes look like cows, or sheep, depending on which way you look at them?

MuthaHubbardDeadBodyinCupboard · 23/10/2008 13:40
zippitippitoes · 23/10/2008 13:51

well i appreciate the applause very much

I am having a low day so it is nice

bamzooki · 23/10/2008 14:23

Just found this thread and manged to wade through most of it..
I know there are some on MN who feel right now that things have got boring recently but tbh with this and the British Gas thread I am finding myself very entertained today.

I think Saracenandy is basically thinking about it all too hard - paralysis-by-analysis etc. He should just get out there and enjoy living his life more.

If I lived futher south I would offer my services in assisting him do just that as I seem to have nothing to do an opening in my diary.

AnneOfAvonlea · 23/10/2008 16:46

Link to British gas thread please

bamzooki · 23/10/2008 16:50

laughed far more than is good for my pants

AnneOfAvonlea · 23/10/2008 17:05

thanks bamzooki

Panfriedpumpkin · 23/10/2008 22:26

Thanks for your sympathies, m'dears.

It difficult isn't it? Block out every other w/end, with dd, plus every Wednesday, the ocassional Monday as well. Work full time,upkeep a home, cook, do garden, socialise with buddies now and then...and there's not much time for an amori, is there!!

Gosh, any woman prepared to accept all of that would have to be off her head.

[end of s/pittying]

Kewcumber · 23/10/2008 23:45

or have a child herself who gets on with your DD, or quite like you/your friends....

randomtwaddle · 24/10/2008 00:32

sounds a lot more convenient than being married to me...being married is like this:

block out life.
the end

Nighbynight · 24/10/2008 06:27

lol pan I know EXACTLY what you mean, being in the same situation myself.
I have (sadly) come to the conclusion that any new partner would have to live closeby, and probably have children themselves so that they understand.

Flightattendant2 · 24/10/2008 08:52

'Gosh, any woman prepared to accept all of that would have to be off her head.'

Laowai · 26/10/2008 06:41

I, too, read the article on Times Online by the oh-so-in-touch-with-his-feminine-side Mr Luke Thingamyjig and though that I would have a quick nosey to see what kind of neurotic drivel women talked about on these forums...

...but I have to say that I was pleasantly surprised to find this thread. I was attracted to it by its size (who says size doesn't count?). And it, alone, has been worth the look. I very much doubt that there is anything else here that will be of any interest to me but would like to add my two-penneth.

My advice: take a sabbatical and go and teach English in a developing foreign country or something for a year. Go trekking, do whatever, but leave the gold cards at home and take stock of what's really important. Although younger than the OP (I'm guessing "original poster"?), and lacking the financial comforts that may tempt him to stay at home, I did it and can heartily recommend it.

Take some time for yourself, forget about your normal job, forget about trying to find Mrs Perfect and just live your life.

As Ferris Bueller once said: "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."

AnneOfAvonlea · 26/10/2008 07:06

Ooh, this is still ticking along.

Hello Laowai. Some nice advice even if it was from Ferris Bueller.

Glad you enjoyed our neurotic drivel.

ToughDaddy · 26/10/2008 07:19

The times article is featuring again prominently on the online version. It is linked to a very popular article about FEMAL SEX ADDICTS SO MN is bound to attract lots of newcomers in the next few days

Rose100 · 26/10/2008 10:33

But will they break through the MN paranoia barrier? And how will they cope when they realise that we don't talk about sex all the time? And that some of our posts are about children??

Laowai · 26/10/2008 18:20

What's that? Some of the posts are about children? Shock, horror, I always wondered what the word "mum" meant.

I actually have about 120 children, aged between three- and 14-years old ...

... well, at least, they're all mine for a couple of hours each week whilst I teach them!