40 yr old bachelor needs some advice!

[saracenandy]

Ladies

Can you help? I seem to have long term problems developing relationships with women. I consider myself attractive, active, fit, successful in sport (ex pro rugby player) and business (MD of my own company) but am increasingly frustrated with women I have relationships with. Most do not last more than 3 months.

After a number of initial successes over the years, the ladies have soon lost interest or they just play extraordinary games. I have Tourette's, epilepsy and echopraxia, and when women discover this it seems to be the catalyst for ending what we have, even after things are going swimmingly. BTW my condition does not involve spontaneous profanities or major fits, and I do not consider myself a liability, just in case you wanted to go there! In most respects I consider myself normal. :-)

I have a very comfortable lifestyle but my generosity is often abused. I do not consider myself needy or emotional. I'm not flashy or advertise my wealth. I'm just a sound guy with lots to offer the right woman, so why is it all so difficult?

For instance, my current girlfriend problem is unusual even by my standards. She is 40 also, photographer, beautiful, very sexy, lots of fun, GSOH, and after 6 months I have fallen in love. Trouble is there is no intimacy between us. Last time we snogged was in May, and we've never slept together. She claims she has old-fashioned values, which translates as "I have to submit to her every whim, pay for everything, be at her beck and call, only go out or see each other on her terms etc, etc". Thing is, I don't succumb to her needs, yet she always keeps bouncing back thinking there's nothing wrong, when I tell her its over.

Is it me, or do women of my age not know the word compromise, and don't want to understand me?

Any thoughts or suggestions appreciated.

Oh I agree in his case.

Zippi's post is good.
Ruddynoraaaaaaaaggghhhhh I was going to ask that too.

Oh God yeah! Doh!!!!!!!
Belated congrats btw.

cheers.

Are you still there andy? Sorry for the wee hi jack.

Just got back from a meeting, left my PA in charge of posts for the past half hour.

4

what do you mean by women of your age dont know the word compromise

if you are having serial 3 month relationships then maybe yopu are too willing to make a go of something that shouldnt have got past three dates rather than extended to 3 months

this suggest you are a bit too keen to keep wanting things to work

you need to be more discriminating

i dont see why on the face of it your tourettes etc should cause a problem with the right partner

also you appear to value fairly superficial qualities...a sort of idesal woman career and looks wise and maybe they are a bit superficial too

i wouldn't touch you with a barge pole...but best of luck!

I hate to say it but I think we're being trolled zippi. Hope I'm wrong but

i only post on troll threads these days

they are the only slightly interesting ones

I wouldn't call her a girlfriend, either.
Sounds like she wants your cash , but dosen't fancy you.

Where do you meet these girls? I think it's great that you came on here for advice.

Just got back from a meeting, left my PA in charge of posts for the past half hour.

No I don't belive you are real now.

yes it sounds like she wants an escort

but then it seems you have been fairly content to be that escort so you clearly like having someone who looks attractive to take out

so at least you have that in common both using each other but of course that doesnt lead to a satisfying relationship

So you met your current 'girlfriend' in May and you havent kissed since then?

What about her has made you fall in love with her? old fasioned values are all good and well, and i can understand if she wanted to take things slowly in the bedroom dept, but not even kissing! surely that tells you something?

Please relax ladies, my last post was an attempt at humour.

hi saracenandy - welcome to mumsnet by the way. the tourettes, echopraxia and epilepsy haven't stopped you building a successful business or having a rugby career so I can't think why they would get in the way of your relationships.

from the little you have posted, you seem to be laying your lack of success on the relationship front squarely at the door of the women you date. could you be really honest with yourself, do a little bit soul searching and see if you can identify any patterns in your own behaviour that may hinder your relationships.

If your friendship can take it why not ask your female friend to give you a no holds barred appraisal of why she thinks you are bombing out with the ladies.

you sound a lot like my ex. but he'd be nearing 30 now, not 40.

My female friend suggests that I'm too nice to these girls, but it sometimes seems that its a case of devil you do, devil you don't.

so where are you meeting these women? online?

oh come on, your friend is being kind i think

A lot of people I come into contact with (blokes and girls) simply cannot understand my conditions and have this perception I'm just a basket case. But it only comes out in the wash, eventually, which is what I find so frustrating and upsetting.

i think like i say you are just too keen to make a relationship

if they dont seem right after two or three dates then they arent going to be right

are they all beautiful gorgeous sexy creative confident types...

apart from your wallet and your confidence what is appealing about you

A few of my dates have been online, which I now avoid.