40 yr old bachelor needs some advice!

[saracenandy]

Ladies

Can you help? I seem to have long term problems developing relationships with women. I consider myself attractive, active, fit, successful in sport (ex pro rugby player) and business (MD of my own company) but am increasingly frustrated with women I have relationships with. Most do not last more than 3 months.

After a number of initial successes over the years, the ladies have soon lost interest or they just play extraordinary games. I have Tourette's, epilepsy and echopraxia, and when women discover this it seems to be the catalyst for ending what we have, even after things are going swimmingly. BTW my condition does not involve spontaneous profanities or major fits, and I do not consider myself a liability, just in case you wanted to go there! In most respects I consider myself normal. :-)

I have a very comfortable lifestyle but my generosity is often abused. I do not consider myself needy or emotional. I'm not flashy or advertise my wealth. I'm just a sound guy with lots to offer the right woman, so why is it all so difficult?

For instance, my current girlfriend problem is unusual even by my standards. She is 40 also, photographer, beautiful, very sexy, lots of fun, GSOH, and after 6 months I have fallen in love. Trouble is there is no intimacy between us. Last time we snogged was in May, and we've never slept together. She claims she has old-fashioned values, which translates as "I have to submit to her every whim, pay for everything, be at her beck and call, only go out or see each other on her terms etc, etc". Thing is, I don't succumb to her needs, yet she always keeps bouncing back thinking there's nothing wrong, when I tell her its over.

Is it me, or do women of my age not know the word compromise, and don't want to understand me?

Any thoughts or suggestions appreciated.

lol, you're rude. just tell her what fookin' echopraxia is, you're the one who has it (has it has it has it...) see? cos i don't know what it is i;m mmaking jokes... [rude]

echopraxia

you have lost major brownie points Saracenandy - you should have provided a link

no-one disses lulu

wouldn't mind some great holidays myself. Can one order a girlfriend/partner with those as an optional extra?

That's the thing, I'm not materialistic, and money is not my driver.

When I first meet a woman, I keep my cards close to my chest, and don't reveal too much. But that's the least of my concerns.

I can only repeat what others have said... you seem to think this woman is your girlfriend.

She isn't.

Any other questions?

and stop supporting Saracens. Llanelli thrashed them - support the scarlets instead, they have some very loyal female fans.

v true, kew. do your conditions make it difficult for you to 'read' social stuff, andy? because really, if you've not been physical then she's not into you. but you call her sexy, though, so is that based purely on looks?

saracenandy, you sound lovely and you're entitled to post where you like although MN probably isn't the most usual choice for single blokes.. Do you have any close female friends (not girlfriends or exes) you can talk to? It's very difficult to get a proper idea of you just from reading your posts.

There may be something you're doing or not doing which is putting women off seeing you as a "keeper", without you realising. Perhaps you seem too status conscious, or a bit of a player due to the number of short relationships you've had. I know I'd be honest with my male friends if they asked me..

"That's the thing, I'm not materialistic, and money is not my driver."

That may be so, but if you're meeting women who think you ought to pay for everything and you feel like your generosity is being abused, you're clearly attracting the wrong sort of woman.

You need to think more about what you have to offer in a relationship as yourself, not merely as someone with lots of money, and find a way to project that instead of projecting your wealth, so you can find someone who likes you for yourself.

That's my diagnosis from your posts so far, anyway....

Thanks for your suggestions kt14. I don't usually post on sites and it was spontaneous after reading some of the other threads. Anticipated some helpful advice from Venus, not Mars!

My close female friend is helpful sometimes, but I don't want to rely on her for advice too much, its not fair on her.

Very good posts from Kathyis...

I agree that your current "girlfriend" is nothing of the sort, and is taking you for a ride...ditch her quick!

There is a fair amount of high-functioning autism/Asperger's Sydrome/OCD amongst males in my family. I know that you haven't said that you have any of those, but I think sometimes they co-occur with Tourettes.

It's great that you have a good female friend, andy, and I bet she loves being asked for her advice.

Do you have the opportunity to develop some more friendships with women - I don't mean relationships, just friendships - might help generally?

what does your friend say?

and echopraxia, according to wiki.

what advice are you looking for really andy? we've told you that your gf is not your gf, but you're ignoring that it seems. i bet your pal tells you you're a great guy ,and you probaby are, but where does se think you#re going wrong?

My friend suggests that perhaps I'm dating the wrong girls, and that I should follow my gut-instinct. My diffculty is that the girls I date seem lovely and genuine in the early stages but as I get to know them, things go wrong for me, as detaield in my first post. She doesn't have an answer for that.

I have to say that I completely disagree with the stance that you have to be having sex to be boyfriend/girlfriend.

of course, but they last kissed in may.

Aitch have you morhped into cod? Your typing is all over the gaff! Eh good advice here from the women andy, hope you find what your looking for. Lulu your posts have been spot on. Will you adopt me?

i dont think anyone can say where you might be making any mistakes

if ypu did kiss her and it was may then i would say this relationship is non existent

meeting someone nice is a perennial problem

what do you value in a relationship

what are the say 5 things that you would like to share/see/respect/need

i think you need to have some shared values and interests as well as being on the same sexual wavelebght then you dont fall into this void where one is pulling one way and one another

where you meet can play a part in giving you a common base but not necessarily

where have you met women you've previously dated?

do men call themselves batchelors these days it sounds quanit

typing one handed while bfing dd2, mhams.

in fact you sound older than 40 or maybe a bit staid

Well techinically I'm an old maid!
arf