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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Another row only this time he's hit my face

240 replies

FrettingAgain · 19/10/2008 11:26

I'm in pieces and a regular so please be gentle with me

We had a nasty row a few days ago, and he left he house and didn't come home until the early hours, leaving me in bits wondering where the hell he'd gone to. Didn't answer his mobile either.

Well it's all blown up again this morning, same row, except i've ended up having my face slapped. I don't know what the hell to do now, he's walked out again

OP posts:
Original poster
FrettingAgain · 27/10/2008 22:54

VaginaShmergina, sorry i still haven't got round to emailing you. I haven't managed to keep my mind in one place long enough to do it the last few days, but i'll do my best to get one to you tomorrow.

Some progress in terms of some more support has happened today, and it's really needed right now. I seem to be carrying us both, which is taking it's toll on me.

OP posts:
VaginaShmergina · 27/10/2008 23:24

All in all that sounds like a positive day for both of you, you have both individually had your "situation" acknowledged and supported too.

You do seem to be carrying both of you to me too, hopefully you will get help from your DH and others as you walk the difficult path in front of you.

You will email when you are ready, dont you worry about it. I'm not going anywhere !

Glad I checked before turning computer off for the evening to see your news.

blinks · 28/10/2008 11:46

FA- well done for getting yourself organised with the GP... It may not feel like it but you are dealing with this quite marvellously.

Did he mention counselling for your DH or post traumatic stress?

Original poster
FrettingAgain · 28/10/2008 13:16

Thanks blinks, in terms of text on a page i guess it looks that way, when in real terms i'm a wreck. I've always been a practical person, and all the time i've something to concentrate on or organise then i can bob along but am paddling furiously underneath.
Somehow i need to get him to the GP but i'm biding my time on addressing that one right now. He had an awful day yesterday, and today i'm living with a coiled spring.

I broached the post traumatic stress with my GP but unless he sees him himself then he can't do any form of diagnosis obviously. He also asked me if i felt i needed anything to help me through. Antidepressants obviously not a route i want to go down, because i'm worried that they will just mask things rather than me actually dealing with and working my way through my grief and relationship issues.

OP posts:
blinks · 28/10/2008 18:14

Can they arrange a home visit for your DH? A relative of mine had someone who came round to the house to counsel her following a loss. Could he be assessed that way?
You could also make the appointment, tell him it's for both of you and go together... that way he might not feel singled out.

Original poster
FrettingAgain · 28/10/2008 22:56

Can someone please help me

OP posts:
Sazisi · 28/10/2008 23:00

Has something else happened? How are things now?

Sazisi · 28/10/2008 23:04

I'm worried

Original poster
FrettingAgain · 28/10/2008 23:06

He's blown up and he's left the house. I need to lock him out,and i don't know what to do. Anyone please??

OP posts:
Sazisi · 28/10/2008 23:07

Call the police. Please

Sazisi · 28/10/2008 23:08

Did I read before that his sister knows? Could you call her and get her to come over?

giddly · 28/10/2008 23:09

Agree with sazizi. Do you also have some family / friends you can call to come and be with you immediately.

codtrolfreaky · 28/10/2008 23:09

oh FA.....
so sorry things are so tough.
i'm worried for you.

lock the doors. get a family member / friend to come over NOW to be there with you.

if you believe you are in danger / at risk of violence you must phone 999. this is serious. he needs help. this should be taken seriously.

please make keeping safe your priority.

thinking of you.

Original poster
FrettingAgain · 28/10/2008 23:11

Sister in law but yes, i can't call the police on him he's my husband. But i can't have him back here tonight

OP posts:
giddly · 28/10/2008 23:14

Please think of yourself. If you're frightened for your safety call the police. I'm sure they'd be understanding of your circumstances and wouldn't be too hard on him.
Please take care.

Original poster
FrettingAgain · 28/10/2008 23:15

Can i lock him out is own home?

OP posts:
giddly · 28/10/2008 23:16

Yes, please do it. And call someone.

controlfreeeeeakyshrieeeeeky · 28/10/2008 23:17

please be careful fa.....
from all you've said he is not "in control" of himself atm.... like anyone out of control he needs boundaries.

you must keep safe.
if you don't want to phone the police then you must get someone else to come and be with you.... or what will you do if he tries to come back in the middle of the night?

if you feel in imminent danger you must phone the police....

giddly · 28/10/2008 23:20

FA are you hurt physically?

controlfreeeeeakyshrieeeeeky · 28/10/2008 23:20

could his brother take charge of him? make sure he knows he cant come back until you agree? the police if you called them would almost certainly tell him he cant return tonight.....

to keep him out against his wishes in the longer term you would need to get a court injunction against him. you would be best to get some legal advice from a specialist family solicitor if you think you may need to do this.

Sazisi · 28/10/2008 23:20

Alternatively, you can get out. Ring a taxi, pack a bag and some cash and spend the night with friends or relatives

Sazisi · 28/10/2008 23:22

I mean that as alternative to locking him out

Original poster
FrettingAgain · 28/10/2008 23:25

Yes he's hurt me, but i'm alright. I'm more worried about him coming back tonight.
Sister in law is coming. I woke them up but he's going out to find him, i'm sorry i didn't know what to do. I'll be alright now.

OP posts:
giddly · 28/10/2008 23:27

Are you sure you don't need to be checked out by a hospital?
So sorry you're going through this.
How soon will your sister in law be here?

controlfreeeeeakyshrieeeeeky · 28/10/2008 23:30

how are you hurt? what happened?

fa, whatever you are both going through no one has the right / any excuse to inflict violence on another. he is v much in the wrong. you don't ndeserve to be treated like this.

please post to tell us your sil has come to be with you.

can we do anything to help? anything at all?

tomorrow i think you may have to think about whether its safe for him to be in the house with you at all at the moment.... this cant go on. you will be badly hurt and things will be even worse for you both.

take care.