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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Why do women bleat about their men?

184 replies

ManLikeFire · 14/10/2008 12:30

Reading through these discussion pages is a rather saddening experience. Page after page of whines, complaints and gripes, all from women attributing their current non-problems to the characteristics or habits of their other half, without a great deal of self-reflection as to why their particular Oprah-esque drama might actually be a consequence of their own choices.

If your other half is lazy, surely you knew that when you picked him? Back in the jurassic era before you produced your offspring, his laidback attitude was probably something that attracted you too him.

If he is terrible with money, it doesn't take a forensic accountant to work that out after a few dates does it? Did you pick him for his miserly tendencies or because he was fun and didn't care too much about material things?

If he has an eye for other women, you can't help but have noticed that early on. It was probably something you liked then, feeling that you'd beat the competition.

You can not have your cake and eat it (although I suspect a number of you do!): you must accept responsibility for the decisions made a long time ago. Of course, if he turns out to be gay, or becomes immensely fat, then I think you have a legitimate complaint, as that was not what it said on the tin when you took your pick.

The bottom line is that when you whinge about him now, you are really criticising yourself for making that choice long ago on the basis of wishful thinking, that you'd change him or that he change when life moved on: "Oh, I'm sure he'll change when we're together or when we have kids." Men do not bank on change - they get together with a woman because they like them at the time (or they can't do any better). They don't then spend a lifetime trying to change them (unless they let themselves go).

Perhaps women should try the same.

OP posts:
Dioriffic · 17/10/2008 15:48

Message withdrawn

Flightattendant2 · 17/10/2008 15:56

Hasn't OP come back yet? I only read the first post, what a load of utter shit.

AMumInScotland · 17/10/2008 15:58

he/she gave up after bleating that we were all nasty to newbies just 'cos he/she had an opinion....

Flightattendant2 · 17/10/2008 16:13

Oh

another one bites the dust...

AMumInScotland · 17/10/2008 16:15

No big loss

SylvieSprings · 17/10/2008 16:19

Does anyone else wonder if ManLikeFire is Lotuseener's DH?

solidgoldskullonastick · 17/10/2008 21:54

EW: Yes, dipsticks will always make rude and stupid (or well-meaning but irritating) comments to other people, but there is something pretty universal about the assumption that people who are not pairbonded must want to be, and if they are not interested there must either be something wrong with them or it's the knowing-pat-on-the-arm and absolutley maddening comments like 'Oh you're so brave about it, it's OK to admit you Want To Be Loved' (though TBH I have been known to deal with that one with 'I'd rather be fistfucked now you mention it').
It's like stupid people assume that everyone is heterosexual: questions about partners are rarely framed in gender-neutral terms.

quinne · 17/10/2008 23:50

What difference does it make what sex posters are? If they write a valid argument then what difference which sex is presenting that argument?
Personally I thought the original post was extremely good: rational and intelligent.

maybe its a left brain/ right brain thing rather than about sex?

Elasticwoman · 18/10/2008 11:18

Solidgold: you're not listening to me. It may be your experience, but it is not universal that people assume singles want to be paired off. In fact every one in our family was gobsmacked when my uncle got married for the first time at age 65. (He was then very happy for the next 21 years until he died.)

Past a certain age, I think most people expect singles to stay single. If you haven't reached that age, go on, enjoy your wild, reckless youth!

Whoever he may be.

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