Why do women bleat about their men?

[ManLikeFire]

Reading through these discussion pages is a rather saddening experience. Page after page of whines, complaints and gripes, all from women attributing their current non-problems to the characteristics or habits of their other half, without a great deal of self-reflection as to why their particular Oprah-esque drama might actually be a consequence of their own choices.

If your other half is lazy, surely you knew that when you picked him? Back in the jurassic era before you produced your offspring, his laidback attitude was probably something that attracted you too him.

If he is terrible with money, it doesn't take a forensic accountant to work that out after a few dates does it? Did you pick him for his miserly tendencies or because he was fun and didn't care too much about material things?

If he has an eye for other women, you can't help but have noticed that early on. It was probably something you liked then, feeling that you'd beat the competition.

You can not have your cake and eat it (although I suspect a number of you do!): you must accept responsibility for the decisions made a long time ago. Of course, if he turns out to be gay, or becomes immensely fat, then I think you have a legitimate complaint, as that was not what it said on the tin when you took your pick.

The bottom line is that when you whinge about him now, you are really criticising yourself for making that choice long ago on the basis of wishful thinking, that you'd change him or that he change when life moved on: "Oh, I'm sure he'll change when we're together or when we have kids." Men do not bank on change - they get together with a woman because they like them at the time (or they can't do any better). They don't then spend a lifetime trying to change them (unless they let themselves go).

Perhaps women should try the same.

I have no problem accepting the fact that people have different points of view! That's why I was able to read the OP without deciding that it must be a woman-hater writing it. Maybe, just maybe, it was someone who has a reasonable point of view and was able to articulate it rationally...

Folks, this seems to me like a classic case of 'wind 'em up and watch 'em go'. I'm so gone too

I think poster started off becuase of this

Oh yawn dittany, go shove your hatred of men someplace else. Some of us actually like men ya know!

Oh look how ManlikeFire throws in a juicy worm and then bolts.

He's probably some disgruntled hubby who has a wife that has posted on here.

See the In the news thread kally - it's all about that.
Funny article btw - a lot of truth!

To the OP: Women whinge about men because that's what we do. This is mainly a women's forum. We discuss things on here other than football and beer.

Woman whinge about men having affairs, looking at porn, being abusive, being controlling, not spending time with the children etc. We haven't created those situations and when we complain about them, it's because we want to make them better.

How often has a woman taken a man back who's cheated on her? Plenty. How many chances does a woman give her man when he promises not to hit her again? Plenty.

We are not just women. We are mothers first, then wives, sisters, daughters etc. We take each of these roles seriously and to relieve the stress we have a moan.

If you don't understand that then you'll never understand women. We don't desire a life without men, we love them and we ask for advice because we take more responsibility than we should when things go wrong.

Perhaps, we should be more like men. Ignoring the breaks in the relationship, going down to the pub with our mates leaving the husband at home with the kids, never talking about emotional issues and then being shocked when the husband says he's had enough.

We don't moan because we like having a go at men. We moan because we want to make things better. And if you want to reap the benefits of a better relationship with your missus then you won't complain.

I think there's some truth in what you say rhubarb... why aren't women going down to the pub (or the cinema, theatre, whatever floats your boat) and leaving their husband to babysit? I do - they're his kids too.

If you treat a man as though he can't possibly be expected to look after his own kids, don't complain if he doesn't!

Likewise, if a man expects a woman run around all day doing housework and ironing his shirts, while he has the fun and challenge of an exciting career.. don't be surprised if that's how their relationship pans out.

It isn't rocket science - we are all adults. Men are perfectly capable of discussion, just as women are perfectly capable of cutting it in the boardroom. Depends on what you look for in a partner and what you want out of life.

This man isnt capable of discussion tho, he's just done a runner! Typical....

exactly lapin........'bleating' is often just an outpouring of raaggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!

and sometimes it is valid as many men are twats!

as are many women, but we tend to know and get told........some men on the other hand will never accept blame, and so find any reason to blame women.......much like the OP is doing really

It's interesting that if you have an opinion and you put it strongly that people - mainly other women - assume you're a man. This makes me sad.

I thought a number of posters made good points about how people change and develop as they grow together, especially once children come along. And if you change in different directions then that is bad - but surely at some point there must been a sense of paths diverging, and if either party goes too far down one path things may become irreconcible. But someone else said that there are usually - I accept not always - signs that someone has tendencies when you meet them, e.g. ironically the crusty stickler who insisted in splitting the bill for that first dinner out and then demanded refunds for the loan of a tenner is the person who may be the best bet in terms of financial security: but does that make you want to spend time with him?

I'm going to ignore all the chaff and trivia thrown up by some posters, partly because all the acronyms baffle me.

Why is anyone surprised by OP?

A woman's place is always in the wrong.

Is there a Relationships section in the Dadsnet? Is there such a thing? Please let me know.

No one turns into a pornwatching, wifethumping, miserly, obese, lazy, two timing, homoerotic magazine collecting, misogynistic, layabout, drugtaking football hooligan overnight, do they? There must be signs, from early on.

(ggglimpopo)

I always wonder about this. Admittedly I have only been with my husband for seven years (married for 2 of them). I would not choose someone who was into porn (don't like it myself), tight, aggressive, not family orientated, tee total, boorish etc etc, so I would be very bloody dismayed if this is what he 'became'ten, twenty years down the line. I would love to know from someone who has eperienced this; is it all a huge shock? Was there no original indicator he was a ladykiller/selfo/lazy/tight/ idiot?

Just to pour oil on troubled waters, IME people with loserish tendencies often display them fairly early on a relationship, but OH ignores them or explains them away because they want the relationship to be a success and ignore the big red flags waving in their face.

I think the last post by ManLikeFire is pertinent to that Juliette. I'm sure in most cases there are signs that two people are diverging. And of course to a certain degree that's normal and healthy - what couple wants to be living in eachother's pockets, nothing changing, for a lifetime?

I guess the important thing is recognising the signs, and addressing the issue if it's in danger of becoming a problem. eg if one partner starts getting lazy, not pulling their weight, discussing it before it gets to the stage of real conflict.

The only situations where I've heard of a man or woman changing absolutely radically, is where there is some medical reason - eg a bad accident or stroke which can cause really fundamental changes in personality and behaviour.

99% of the time, changes will be subtle and gradual, and how you respond to them as a couple is down to each individual partnership.

Love is blind......sad but true. Anyway if everyone behaved how they do now when first dating then most partners would put each other off.

Dh farts in the car when the windows up up.. He didn't when we were going out. How he gave me the wrong impression.