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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

it happens so often on here, but I opened his mobile bill by accident and guess what?

572 replies

AreYouCallingMeDarling · 07/10/2008 03:24

yep

up to 30 texts a day to number that I find out is another woman

Just friendship says he

hahahahaha

I am a regular btw. Just don't want my mum reading this and knowing it is me. Or anyone else I know

I feel so feckin stupid

It is the middle of the night and I probably won't get any answers. But that is fine

OP posts:
AreYouCallingMeDarling · 07/10/2008 22:01

one very good RL friend who will help

shite

OP posts:
DoubleBluff · 07/10/2008 22:01

That sttll doesn't make it ok.

umberella · 07/10/2008 22:01

how awful for you.

lizandlulu · 07/10/2008 22:01

well he is bound to say that, he is not going to say 'it was wonderful'

ShinyPinkShoes · 07/10/2008 22:02

How are you feeling?

Can you bear to talk to him or do you feel as though you need some space?

Just remember you are far from alone with this x

Dioriffic · 07/10/2008 22:04

Message withdrawn

pramspotter · 07/10/2008 22:11

He's a dick. Unforgivable and no excuse.

I've always said that men are incapable of loving their dw's and dc's more than they love their dicks. It is 100% true no matter how they try to deny it.

WhirlingStirling · 07/10/2008 22:17

I'm so sorry for you - truly hoped it wouldn't end like this - I am crying now, it is bringing it all back to me.

Men are such dick-led twats!

Did he say he was lonely, that he wasn't sure if you loved him? They have a script that they follow I'm afraid.

ladytophamhatt · 07/10/2008 22:28

I knew the cuddling thing was bullshit.

it always fucking is.

what is WRONG with this people??

If you want to stay with him I wish you all the luck in the world and for you both to be happy.

I hope she, the OW rotts in hell.

elastamum · 07/10/2008 22:28

I am so sorry for you. A similar thing happened to me recently and my H has now left us. You are not alone. Unfortunately this happens to lots of women, often with seemingly 'good' relationships. My soon to be ex H admitted he would have never left of his own accord. If I had not found out he would have just carried on is affair whilst playing happy families. The sex is one thing but it is the trust that is the most difficult to repair. Sending you lots of [hugs]. Be strong

BreevandercampLGJ · 07/10/2008 22:35

Oh darling.

beanieb · 07/10/2008 22:50

Sorry to hear this. What do you want to do?

If you want to try to get through and over this and stay with him then you need to make it clear you are in control. He has a LOT ot making up to do and if he is serious about wanting to make it work then you call the shots!

Ronaldinhio · 07/10/2008 23:07

Think it's somewhat off (understatement) to say that the sex is better with you.
I'm so sorry that you ar with such a selfish needy c*nt

WhirlingStirling · 07/10/2008 23:11

My h wouldn't say sex with which one of us was better. He just said it was different!!

VeniVidiVickiQV · 07/10/2008 23:20

oh im sorry

what a pair of shits.

Tortington · 07/10/2008 23:31

oh god, so sorry.

CountessDracula · 07/10/2008 23:42

So sorry you are going through this
It did sound likely, at least he has admitted quickly and spared you the pain of months of lies (not much comfort I am sure)

Do try and look after yourself

ambercat · 07/10/2008 23:45

So sorry you are going through this. Went through it myself in april.

Fucking forces men.

Stay strong, i know it feels like your world just fell apart but it WILL get better. x

OLIVIASMAMA · 07/10/2008 23:46

What a cock!.....and to say that sex wasn't as good with her, course he said that!

Shitty bloke - sorry but I just don't buy the "He is just such a fuckwit with women - he has nooooo idea when they are coming on to him. He is too nice really (he is also tall dark and handsom)", it sounds to me as if he is very aware of women and knows exactly when they come on to him and perhaps he really isn't that nice after all.....even if he is tall, dark and handsome.

Really sorry for you.

HappyWoman · 08/10/2008 07:12

Just caught up with this - so sorry - yes it the same script. If only these men (and ow) knew that some of us have already read it.

If you are to stand a chance - i really urge you to have no further contact.

The typical thing will be for him to say he needs to end it face to face with her - please dont trust him to do this. Either you both do it together or better still he just totally puts her out of his life now.

The other thing to watch for is he will be all moody and sad - saying that he does miss her in some way (he will say friendship), and that he feels terrible for what he has done to her.

Is there anyway someone at their work can get involved? You need someone who will help there so they do not have to work together.

Of course he will tell you what you want to hear - that you were better, but would he be willing to say it to her?

I also do not believe that there has to be something wrong in your marriage for this to have happened. Sure there may be things you could improve on now, but this does not mean your marriage was in trouble.

Some men just seem to want more - and when the oppotunity is put in front of them they take it, - the ow of course is led to believe that the marriage is not perfect - otherwise why would he be with her.

Think of it like women with shoes - you have a perfectly good pair that you love - and with little money in your purse you see another pair in a shop - sometimes you just cant resist - nothing wrong with old ones and new ones not any better - just something extra. I know it is not exactly the same but i do believe men think differntly in these situations and if they even thougth for a moment that they would either get caught or that it would end their marriage they would think a bit harder.

And because woman gernerally would only embark on an affair if their were problems in the marriage see it differently.

If he truely wants to stay married and you are willing to move on it can work, and he will find a way to stop this now.

Good luck and if you want you can cat me - i have done a lot of research and soul searching to get over my h affair.

OLIVIASMAMA · 08/10/2008 07:47

HW - great advice.

HappyWoman · 08/10/2008 08:12

You can get over it - if he is a good man who will admit he has made a mistake and is willing to work on himself to do that.

For me it was not the sex - we can all do that, but the betrayal of my trusting nature. My h will never get that level of trust again. Sad i know but we both know that and accept it and now live withing those limits.

Istill cant resist the shoes though.

Take care of yourself now you deserve to.

littlelapin · 08/10/2008 08:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

marmadukescarlet · 08/10/2008 08:23

Oh, you poor love.

largeginandtonic · 08/10/2008 08:26

Oh God, was just catching up this morning.

I think you knew deep down it was all a crock of shit like LTH said.

What a fucking tosser. I do not know how you move on from this, i couldn't You are being incredibly brave and calm.

Can you leave for a few days and get your head straight? Time to reflect and find out what you really want.

I am so sorry.