it happens so often on here, but I opened his mobile bill by accident and guess what?

[AreYouCallingMeDarling]

yep

up to 30 texts a day to number that I find out is another woman

Just friendship says he

hahahahaha

I am a regular btw. Just don't want my mum reading this and knowing it is me. Or anyone else I know

I feel so feckin stupid

It is the middle of the night and I probably won't get any answers. But that is fine

Those thoughts are hard to deal with Darling. I was obsessed with thoughts like this for a few months after finding out about the affair.

But they do gradually go and if you h is making the effort like you have said, then you may find these dark days are few and far between.

If you were like me then you asked lots of questions which seems to help at the time but then later your mind starts imagining all sorts of things.

Whenever I had these awfully low days, I always felt lots better the next day, as though going so low again gave me more strength. I hope that you feel much better tomorrow

Thanks

He is cleaning the shittip kitchen at the moment. Then I might get him to take me out for lunch.

We'll sit in a pub and do the crossword together

I don't think there is any easy solution to this. From what I have read on other threads from women getting over their dh's affairs, these unwelcome thoughts are difficult to deal with. It will take time. And of course having a cold and feeling low physically doesn't help. Take good care of yourself and your dcs.

It probably doesn't help but presumably he went out with other women before he met you? It is not the same because there has been a betrayal but he has chosen to be with you now. He had an affair but he might have gone on a gambling spree instead or some other mid-life-crisis type of thing. Whatever it was, it wasn't very good or meaningful, just a faulty, escapism way of dealing with problems he should have talked to you about.

Sorry, probably doesn't make sense or is not much help. But you are bound to have some wobbles over time. Speak to him again and get some reassurance. It sounds as though it would be best for you and he to be living in the same place.

That does help.

Thanks.

No advice, but hope you are OK.

I'm finding that time is healing.... I still get the occasional days where I feel furious all over again, but they are further and further apart.

What skyatnight said is true, he has chosen to be with you. I am treating it as a new beginning rather than a betrayal of the old.

Good luck to you both xxxx

As general input about men being faithful, I think there are those who want to be and think it morally wrong if they are unfaithful and those who are unfaithful and want to be and can keep it well hidden, who knows why they need to be unfaithful. I have read some uplifting stuff on another site posted by men in a chat about faithfullness, who don't want to be unfaithful and I'm hoping I can find one of those.

My bf of 11 years turned out to be unfaithful, I found out 6 months ago about an affair that ended 3 years ago and lasted some time, 3 months later I then found out about him having sexy chats with another woman online. Although he was full of remorse at being caught ect and wanted to make things work between us, saying he loved me more than anyone he had ever loved, I still don't think we can make things work, he has finally got to breaking poing over my suspicions and has said he has had enough and I don't believe I will ever fully trust him again, he thinks I should lol. I really think men like him should be honest and only pair up with women who want to be in an open relationship, that way its honest and no one gets hurt. He has already admitted that in an ideal world if his partner or me allowed it and encouraged it then he would like to be in an open relationship.

AYCMD How is everything??

AB - thanks for asking.

Things are getting better over time. I know it has not been all that long but I do feel that I am making progress.

I have found some peace of mind, helped by some of the wise words on here, and have accepted (mostly) that it was a stupid, stupid, stupid mistake on his part. I have put the images of him and her together in a box in my head, and tried to nail the lid shut. It occasionally creaks open again, but that is getting less and less often. I don't mean that I am pretending it didn't happen, just that I am trying to accept it did and move on.

We are talking lots. He is off work this week and I have been so far as I have been ill and on ABs.

I am struggling with the amount of time it has been going on, and that is the next thing that I need to put in a box and accept.

Thinking back over the time even when they were "friends" before the physical stuff started I think I could feel him moving away from me in some ways, which I noticed subconciously at the time. Well, he is back with me 100% now.

anyway, that was rambling tosh wasn't it?

OMG

OW has texted me and I am going to call her in 10 mins

Not posted on here before but have been following the thread. Hope you are ok. I have done OW phone call before and it ain't pretty. Hope you are ok.

darling, what has happened

are you ok ?

oh shite
I hope you are ok

oh no, I hope it is not bad news....

I've just seen this, hope you are okay.

Blimey. What could she possibly want to say at this stage?

Bet she has had a few wines and is feeling brave.

maybe she just wants to grovel an apology...

Pretty crass and self absorbed if that's what she wants, no? Apology to make HER feel better - can't think of another good reason to do this to the OP right now.

Hope you are ok

I made her cry

I suggested that she might find a man for herself, rather than, you know, having someone elses.

she did however give a different month as to when they started

so that will be somethihg to talk about when H gets home tomorrow

what was the purpose of her getting in contact with you?

Absolutley doodle2u.

I'd tell her to shove it up her arse....

She texted me because I called her from H's phone the other night to speak to her. Don't know why

When she replied by text he hadned his phone to me and I told her (by text) that it was me not him that was trying to talk to her