it happens so often on here, but I opened his mobile bill by accident and guess what?

[AreYouCallingMeDarling]

yep

up to 30 texts a day to number that I find out is another woman

Just friendship says he

hahahahaha

I am a regular btw. Just don't want my mum reading this and knowing it is me. Or anyone else I know

I feel so feckin stupid

It is the middle of the night and I probably won't get any answers. But that is fine

Novel idea but I'm sure you'd have willing participants

I really fail to see how him coming on here would be a good thing

In fact I almost see i as a perverse thrill .. ooo haven't I been a naughty boy?

How will 100 women (and a few hairy truckers) yelling "wanker" at him solve anything?

You are staying strong and telling him you are in charge which is great

But sorry I really think the virtual sack cloth and ashes is a step too far and you really don't have to lay everything out for the hordes to salivate over.

Sorry if blunt but I have the best intentions

(and I would probably yell wanker at him if he DID come online) But what would be the point?

I'm going to pass as I've had way too many encounters with cheating husbands (both mine and other friends).
But along those "he will do anything I ask" lines....have him get a post nuptual agreement written up with you and have it notarized. Marriage IS a contract btw, and if you can get him to do that he will be very less likely to do this again.
Call it an act of good faith. Much more heart felt than say having his nuts carved out by a rusty screwdriver (my aim isn't that good) with a few very near misses for emphasis.

God, I wouldn't get him on MN.

This is a private matter. How you handle it is between you two. You may be telling us snippets and events to judge and comment upon but the real emotion and bond is for you two to sort out.

Ah good plan except they are probably not legally binding in the UK. Some women in the US have pre nuptials which say for each adultery I get US$1m etc.

More seriously the problem in these cases can be if you're too nasty you just alienate the person who strayed, who probably strayed for a reason anyway but it is so hard for people to put it behind them.

not posting tonight

hope you all sleep well

Xenia, apparently his marriage wasn't taken as legally binding either. There was a time when he would be punished and the OW would be also. I really hope it works out for them AS a couple and not apart but as it seems this has been going on for about four months, she had to catch him...the other woman is still there in his face (no pun intended) day after day it just doesn't bode well.
I'd give the same advice to a man in her situation. I don't like that a spouse can cheat so blatantly and just gets away with it. I could rant on but painting a red A on him and stoning are just not in the cards. As I've said, I've seen way too much of this. It never works out well for the innocent party.

I think showing him the thread is sufficient.

Getting him on here to be screeched at would be pretty disastrous - as would taking any kind of vengeful action against the OW. While your anger is justifiable, there comes a point when 'punishment' risks driving the other partner away and making him/her feel that the other relationship wasn't that bad a sin after all given that the primary partner is 'a nutter'...

no matter h of a tit he has been i dont think any good would come of humiliating him by having a lot of strangers calling him everyname under the sun.

if he is finding things hard to deal with/ cant work through his emotions then that is diffrent. i am quite sure if he joined under his own username for advice that would be diffrent.

I think you seriously have to consider moving into MQs with him when he gets posted in January, just for your own sanity.

We did six weeking for 2 years whilst dh was in Brussels, and I was in Cornwall, but when he got another appointment out here, then I decided to move - too many predatory women of a certain age for my liking in the international military hqs here iykwim, and I've met some of them.

scaryteacher, just a comment as to your last post because I too agree that AYCMD should move with her husband. I have done this but if the guy wants to cheat, he will find a way.
health.msn.com/health-topics/depression/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100218156&GT1=31 009
Here is an article this morning from MSN Health&Fitness about a chemical (they tested with voles who are monogamous) and gene that causes "lovesickness" and monogamous behavior ie. the mated voles wanted to get back to their mates.
All the "predatory women of a certain age" are maybe what we in the American military call "debs". The "debs" can be found anywhere near military bases and they are usually very pretty, young single women that are looking for husbands to take them out of their situation...the situation being a going nowhere existance in a going nowhere town or job.
I don't know how close that comes to your post but they are everywhere and again unless the man wants to be monogamous, you won't stop him from getting it on the side. The problem is they will tell you whatever you want to hear. You love them and want to believe them because you have your whole existence, income, children invested in them. You revolve around them.
Even if you go and do the MQ thing you should try to do whatever it takes to be able to take over your life financially with a job or education for one just in case.

We are making it work.

he has told me that he really wants to be with me, and has cut off all contact with her.

Just to let you all know; all of you that helped me and supported me. I really think that we will come out of this stronger, more comunicative, and better as a couple. He agrees, and admits that it was too high a price for me to pay to get here. Whatever our problems were, real or perceved, his reaction to them was not acceptable.

I have made him write down everything he can remember about him and her; everything he did, felt or said. It hurts to read it but I need to not have to wonder about anything: I need to not ask any more questions. It is as if I need to cauterise the wound before I can let it heal.

I occasionally "wobble" and go off into a crying fit, but he and I have to deal with that too.

He is the love of my life, I have never loved anyone as I love him. He tells me that I am the only one he has ever loved, but he forgot, and writing it down was like listing his "complete lack of moral fibre"

The oral sex I have been getting is rather special as well

Thanks for the update. Hope it really does work out for you.

He is going to look into the MQ at his new posting when he visits in a few weeks

Fecking scared of that - never lived in MQ

Good luck from me too aycmd, he is very lucky to have you, I hope he knows that.

everybody at work is saying that I can't be a "forces wife" because I dont have bleach blonde hair with black roots and white stilettos

ffs

he knows he is fucking lucky. He has said that I am incredible to take him back. I am.

He now has to earn it

its quite cliquey i found!!

and some mq are terrible!!!! think we were lucky with ours,but don't expect a palace!!

I haven't posted on this thread as I have no sage advice whatsoever but I've been reading it from the start. It might sound strange but I have actually found this thread quite uplifting in some ways - at how communication and honesty can get you through something potentially devastating to your relationship.

You're an amazing woman. I wish you all the luck in the world.

Not feeling quite so positive today.

I am ill with a horrid cold. It is making me feel low and vulnerable.

I just keep imagining them together. When he kisses me I see him kissing her, when he strokes my back I see him stroking hers.

I need a way to get her out of my head. I suspect that time is the only answer to that, but if anyone knows of another way to exorcise a living person from your thoughts I would love to hear about it.