Do you REALLY trust your husband?

[oxocube]

I have followed several very sad threads recently concerning infidelity and the heartache it causes and I have a question for all Mumsnetters. Do you really trust your man, I mean trust to the extent of never checking he is where he says he is, flicking through receipts etc.

Like many women who contribute to this site, my DH frequently works abroad, often with very little notice and would have every opportunity to have an affair/ one night stand. I am not, by nature, a very trusting person even though DH and I have been together about 15 years now and have 3 kids. I admit (though not to DH)to checking mobile phone messages, going through his receipts/ plane tickets/hotel invoices and to asking who was on such and such a conference. I realise this sounds very sad, but when I look around me, so many people seem to be breaking their marriage vows/promises to each other.

Does anyone else not completely trust their man? I should add that I have no evidence that DH has ever been 'physically' unfaithful. I do suspect him of flirtations/closer than I would like frienships with female colleagues (but quite a few years ago).

oxocube, I do trust him with regards to other women - we often joke about him 'flirting' or his old girlfriends (floosies). he sometimes tries to pretend that a male friend just 'turned up' at work to go for a drink when he'd already promised me to come home early...so it doesn't look like he's planned to go & get beery
but IKWYM about the temptation to look through pockets etc - I did it with one ex - who was seeing his supposed-ex at the same time as me, and I was glad I did. I found his car parked outside her house when he was having 'hospital treatment'...yeah, he would have been if I'd got hold of him then. I had to sob in department stores to get them to refund the money on presents I'd bought him - I told them exactly what he'd done and they were only too happy to oblige

Yes, I do totally trust him. He gets on my nerves sometimes and drives me ballistic at other times. He's not very romantic, but I just know he wouldn't sleep with another woman. He likes to be with us very, very much and had a painful breakup where his ex girlfriend and mother of his child left him for another man (and has been evil to us ever since) so he wouldn't go through that again by choice.

Yes I trust mine, but on the same token I look through receipts just because I'm sooooo nosey. I always moan at him that I never get any surprises at xmas or birthdays but that's because I know ALL the hiding place in our house and go hunting for anything he's got me.
I think the only thing I don't trust him about is if he goes out with his friends, which isn't very often at all, he says he won't get drunk and I've lose count of the times I found naked asleep on the bathroom floor. He just seems to be easily led and gets drunk so much quicker than his friends, due to lack of practice I suppose, and wants to keep up with them on number of pints.
In his defence I will also add that all this hasn't happened for a while now and if he does go out he generally comes home in quite good shape but i still think I going to find that naked mess in the morning.

Trust him implicity.

Completely. I have no reason to not trust him either, especially since DD arrived. He is besotted by her and comes home every night expecting to be met by a smily DD (she is always waiting for him at the window), with a kiss for the both of us.

yes. i am very lucky to have him.

NO!

I did for 10 years of marriage & then was devastated to find out he was having an affair & left me - although he did come back pretty quickly (!!) & beg me to take him back, we went through a lot of counselling and major life changes (including having a baby) and are still together 4 years on but it hasn't been easy & quite honestly I would not trust him now. He works abroad a lot & has every opportunity to do the same again.

I was naiviely 'innocent' & thought that we had a great relationship & that I would be able to tell immediately if he was having an affair, but, like the old cliche, the wife can be the last to know, even though it was going on for a good few months.

Now I always snoop through diaries, check credit card bills etc ........ but I guess if they really don't want you to find out, they can disguise it if they want.

Sorry if this is depressing - but you did ask!!

EmmaTMG - You're post made me smile, you could be describing my dh, I've lost count of the number of times he's fallen down the stairs, or taken the wrong turn on the way to the bathroom, and ended up confused and swaying drunkenly in the middle of ds's bedroom!!! Like your dh, he hasn't done it for a long time, but every time he goes out I still half expect a lumbering mess to return!!! However, on the faithfullness side of things I do 'totally' trust him.

Nutjob, I also have a very good reason for hating him when he's drunk but thought I'd save it for another thread but as our DH's seem the same has your's done the following??
We'd only been together a year or so and had been out on Xmas eve, it had been about -4 all night and, as you do in your youth, I'd been dressed more for summer. Anyway we got back to his mums at about 2am and I was cold to the bone, in tears in fact I was so cold, and it took me about 2 hours to get warm under the duvet with about 3 layers of pyjamas on. I was eventually dozing off and do you know what he did?........................ He ripped the duvet off me and was sick ALL over me! it was in my hair, over all 3 pair of PJ's and of course my side of the bed. How I didn't murder him there on the spot I don't know but he did live to tell and very much regret the tale.
Now thats quite a good reason for not trusting him when he goes out for drink, isn't it?!?

EmmaTMG - Arrgghh how awful for you, no DH hasn't done that - yet!!! However, the thing I hate the most is when he is expected back home after work, or going to a footie match and you get a phone call from him from the pub, trying (and failing) desperately hard to sound sober with all his mates jeering in the background. I go into Ice Maiden phase, responding with one word answers and hanging up with out saying goodbye. He's sh**ing himself by the time he get home which usually does the trick of sobering him up a bit!!

Yes I do, but, I do admit to checking his wallet and mobile phone after he has been out with the lads (i was engaged once before and he got someone else pregnant whilst we were arranging the wedding).

Saying that if he's as shy with other women as he was asking me out (it took him nearly 3 years) then i think I am pretty safe

I'm not sure.... he has never done anything to make me distrust him, but still I don't think I would ever trust anyone implicitly. I think this is due to a father who was forever having affairs and still is (with his new wife not my mum anymore).

I just don't think I could ever take it for granted... things happen so very easily in real life I think. Having said that, this isn't something I worry about on a daily basis - it very rarely crosses my mind. But do have bad dreams about him having affairs and stuff. Wake up feeling really angry and upset.... poor man.

Yes I trust mine too. Aloha, mine went through the same as yours which is how I know he wouldn't take even a chance.
EmmaTMG I had to laugh at your sick story! My dh is also crap at going out for a few beers, has to cane it no matter what. I agree its because he dosen't get out often enough!

Trust mine 100% too, another Leo.

I'm another trusting wife - dh is too shattered by the twin joys of parenting and commuting to do anything other than drag himself home whimpering at 6pm every day. We have been together 15 years and are very loving and open with each other, sharing all those precious moments when each feels like kicking the other down the stairs...I feel very lucky, I must say.

I too trust my hubby 100% and feel lucky to have such a loving, attentive hardworking partner and daddy.

YES

yes for me too, although he's a dp, not a dh.

Yes for me too, even though he's a scorpio!

100%. He turns pink and his voice goes all high pitched over the most minor of white lies.

implicitly - he says his life is complete since he met me and we have had dd.

I trust my DH totally. Don't knwo why - just do. We only have a joint bank account and credit cards anyway. So I have to be very carefull not to look at statements before Christmas if I want a surprise.

I think DH thinks I don't trust him though. He is on the road a lot and occasionally I ask him where he is going (just out of interest) and he gets huffy. But on occasion I've done this, he's done that and then someone who he has to be polite to (eg my Grandad) will ask him and he will tell them just like that. So quite often I don't know if he is in Newcastle or Leeds on a given day, I never have his hotel name/number if he's away (contact him via mobile). But think his huffiness is a bit much.

Surely if I was snooping I could be a bit more subtle than just asking him outright?

I trust dh completely, he works from home! and like Bells2 dh he can't lie for toffee, he has a silly smirk on his face however hard he tries!